The Fish
for 15 December 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll leave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Monster Mash


Didn't anyone ever teach you
not to go stomping on the
moral high ground? It's shaky
enough without throwing
inconsequential things like
thought and consistency into
the mix. Next thing you know,
people are going to start
telling us that we should
punish children (or their
Parental Failures) severely
for little things like murder
and rape. Then what? We'll
lose our freedom to be
violent offenders, and God
forbid, even to commit
nonviolent crimes like theft
and fraud! Leave our poor
embattled moral majority
alone, misbegotten sinner.
There is no room in Goodness
for contemplation - Why do
you think they call it Blind

Did I mention that I agree
with you?

Jason Baldwin
Picking Glass Flowers with
Hands of Stone

He agrees! Woohoo!


Building Condo Developments
on Moral High Ground

Fish With Letter Icon

Shut Up & Kiss Me

Pretty insightful, but a
seemingly obvious connection
was missed: zine culture. A
great many zines (best
example I can think of being
White Bread) are diary
exchanges - showing the banal
personal details that aren't
so revealing (given the
reader's usual lack of
context) but by themselves
are both titillating and
relevant. Having read an
article about Jennicam in the
Globe & Mail, I checked
it out and found it weirdly
like looking into a mirror.
Somebody else on the other
side, with nothing better to
do than sit and stare at
their monitor.

Perhaps we're all just
looking to see that everyone
else's hidden life is exactly
as dull and wonderful as our

Michael Sheridan

Isn't that funny - with my
shoulder-length, strawberry
blonde hair and co-ed
cuteness, I too found
Jennicam weirdly like looking
into a mirror. But my breasts
are even lovelier.


Fish With Letter Icon

Millennial Confusion Ensues

Subject: Re: Millemium

I just saw you article
through Point Cast. I don't
know if you wrote it out of
supidity or igorance. But the
Millemium does not start
until Jan 1, 2001. After I
noticed this I did not even
bother to read your article.

James Lebus Kendall

Tell us more about this thing
you call "Millemium."

Supidity or igorance?
Probably a little of both.

Fish With Letter Icon

The Perpetually Unemployed

Which is worse, that people
who "work" at the official
avant-garde Web site think
they're above the average,
run-of-the-mill, would-be or
wannabe, unemployed artistes,
or that such people really
are "better" than their more
counterparts, because they
have "real" jobs and make
"real" money?


No one is more greatly in
denial than those who work at

But we're still better.
Better than unemployed
artistes, better than pretty
much everybody. Naa-naaa. Ha
ha. Burrrrn. Pbpbpbpb. So

Fish With Letter Icon

Suck Dead?

Subject: It's the end of Suck
as we know it, and I feel

You folks are confusing me.
Are you really going away or
not? Have you finally shot so
many holes in the barrel that
it will no longer hold water?
I've been a Sucker since
before Suck was cool. Wait a
minute.... Suck was never
cool, but still, it would
suck if Suck stopped sucking.
What would I do for a
homepage? Netscape? Right, me
and 10 million other losers.
Slate? Please. CNN? Yawn.

Please, please don't go away.
Suck is an integral part of
the WWWeb, and has been a
daily part of my life for
years, except for the week I
lived on a commune in the
Ozarks. Even then, my only
thoughts were of you, except
for when I was ogling the
topless teenage

John Wesley Hardin

We're not dead just yet.
Still alive and kicking,
still catering to the lowest
common denominator, diehard
groupies, and
teenage-hippie-chick oglers

Thanks for your concern, and
thanks to all of those who
wrote in, panicking; and
special, special thanks to
those who wrote in jeering.
If we had meant to panic the
masses, we would've preferred
a radio-broadcast Martian
invasion or reports of a
Barbie breast reduction at
the very least. No, when Suck
goes, it will probably go
quietly. One day it'll be
there, the next day it won't
be, and our gentlest readers
will be left to wallow in
existential angst, pondering
the futility of it all until
another gaggle of irritable
tools wanders into our shoes.

Hopefully they'll use our
newest book, Irony Sells: The
Sucksters Show You How to
Cultivate and Market Your
Sense of Irony for Fun and
as a guide to their

Fish With Letter Icon

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