for 15 December 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Monster Mash

Ouch!

Didn't anyone ever teach you
not to go stomping on the
moral high ground? It's shaky
enough without throwing
inconsequential things like
thought and consistency into
the mix. Next thing you know,
people are going to start
telling us that we should
punish children (or their
Parental Failures) severely
for little things like murder
and rape. Then what? We'll
lose our freedom to be
violent offenders, and God
forbid, even to commit
nonviolent crimes like theft
and fraud! Leave our poor
embattled moral majority
alone, misbegotten sinner.
There is no room in Goodness
for contemplation - Why do
you think they call it Blind
Faith?

Did I mention that I agree
with you?

Jason Baldwin
Picking Glass Flowers with
Hands of Stone

He agrees! Woohoo!

Sucksters

Building Condo Developments
on Moral High Ground

Shut Up & Kiss Me

Pretty insightful, but a
seemingly obvious connection
was missed: zine culture. A
great many zines (best
example I can think of being
White Bread) are diary
exchanges - showing the banal
personal details that aren't
so revealing (given the
reader's usual lack of
context) but by themselves
are both titillating and
relevant. Having read an
article about Jennicam in the
Globe & Mail, I checked
it out and found it weirdly
like looking into a mirror.
Somebody else on the other
side, with nothing better to
do than sit and stare at
their monitor.

Perhaps we're all just
looking to see that everyone
else's hidden life is exactly
as dull and wonderful as our
own.

Michael Sheridan
<kepler@cyberus.ca>

Isn't that funny - with my
shoulder-length, strawberry
blonde hair and co-ed
cuteness, I too found
Jennicam weirdly like looking
into a mirror. But my breasts
are even lovelier.

Bartel

Millennial Confusion Ensues

Subject: Re: Millemium

I just saw you article
through Point Cast. I don't
know if you wrote it out of
supidity or igorance. But the
Millemium does not start
until Jan 1, 2001. After I
noticed this I did not even
bother to read your article.

James Lebus Kendall
<lebus@aye.net>

Tell us more about this thing
you call "Millemium."

Supidity or igorance?
Probably a little of both.

The Perpetually Unemployed

Which is worse, that people
who "work" at the official
avant-garde Web site think
they're above the average,
run-of-the-mill, would-be or
wannabe, unemployed artistes,
or that such people really
are "better" than their more
greatly-in-denial
counterparts, because they
have "real" jobs and make
"real" money?

<Aec114@aol.com>

No one is more greatly in
denial than those who work at
Suck.

But we're still better.
Better than unemployed
artistes, better than pretty
much everybody. Naa-naaa. Ha
ha. Burrrrn. Pbpbpbpb. So
there.

Suck Dead?

Subject: It's the end of Suck
as we know it, and I feel
fine.

You folks are confusing me.
Are you really going away or
not? Have you finally shot so
many holes in the barrel that
it will no longer hold water?
I've been a Sucker since
before Suck was cool. Wait a
minute.... Suck was never
cool, but still, it would
suck if Suck stopped sucking.
What would I do for a
homepage? Netscape? Right, me
and 10 million other losers.
Slate? Please. CNN? Yawn.

Please, please don't go away.
Suck is an integral part of
the WWWeb, and has been a
daily part of my life for
years, except for the week I
lived on a commune in the
Ozarks. Even then, my only
thoughts were of you, except
for when I was ogling the
topless teenage
hippie-chicks.

John Wesley Hardin

We're not dead just yet.
Still alive and kicking,
still catering to the lowest
common denominator, diehard
groupies, and
teenage-hippie-chick oglers
alike.

Thanks for your concern, and
thanks to all of those who
wrote in, panicking; and
special, special thanks to
those who wrote in jeering.
If we had meant to panic the
masses, we would've preferred
a radio-broadcast Martian
invasion or reports of a
Barbie breast reduction at
the very least. No, when Suck
goes, it will probably go
quietly. One day it'll be
there, the next day it won't
be, and our gentlest readers
will be left to wallow in
existential angst, pondering
the futility of it all until
another gaggle of irritable
tools wanders into our shoes.

Hopefully they'll use our
newest book, Irony Sells: The
Sucksters Show You How to
Cultivate and Market Your
Sense of Irony for Fun and
Profit, as a guide to their
endeavors.