The Fish
for 2 December 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Contributing Editor


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll leave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Ars Attacks

Sad information goes highway,
but most artists are not
responding to these kind of
world reality changes. War,
lack of civilization, and
poverty were completely "out
of fashion" in this gold art
and economic decade. In fact,
poverty is hard to treat and
face, while aesthetic freedom
became so important for most
new artists.

Many of them forgot artworks
need real essence and social
concepts, not only
own-ego-psycho perspectives.

Thanks for listening

Carlos Carvalho

It's true - real essence and
social concepts seem more
noble and worthy, certainly,
but there's no rule that all
art should be noble and
worthy. Besides,
own-ego-psycho perspectives
are a lot easier to come by,
and thus, a more efficient
means to the end of being A
Well-Known Artist - which is
the goal for most art psychos
owning egos, after all.

Fish With Letter Icon

Gettin' the Vanguard

Subject: Well Done

But why should I be

Haven't been haunting the ol'
Suck digs lately. Clearly,
I've been away too long.

The piece about high-tech
magazines is a delight to
read and right on the ol'
dime, as usual.

Obviously, you guys can still
"get it up," so not much
more to say except, "Keep it


Brock Meeks

Ah, the old
metaphor. A delight to read
and right on the old dime, as

Shrinking to the task at


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Mother Wired and her

Ah, finally ... Suck sells out
and plugs an issue of Wired.
Or not. While we're being
retro, don't forget that Penn
Gillette (of Penn and Teller)
had a column in PC Computing
or some such for a couple of
years. Said column mostly of
interest for its fascination
with thurman.uma before she
became a pulp fiction. Plus
some wonderfully nasty
practical jokes that still
ring hauntingly down the

Alan S. Kornheiser

Good call, Alan, except keep
in mind that pretty much
anyone - male or female - who
saw Dangerous Liaisons, which
included a glorious scene
with John Malkovich and Uma
Thurman, topless, in bed,
never forgets those very real
and fascinatingly wonderful
breasts. Now, we're not ones
to fetishize body parts, at
least not in these pages, but
boob jobs are beginning to
look about as interesting to
us as brake realignments,
while naturally pretty mams
have us cooing like hungry
infants. Indeed, after that
one scene (oh yeah, and the
one in Baron von Munchausen),
breast men and women who
could give a shit and
magicians alike immediately
memorized Uma's name, and
she's been riding on the
glory of that moment, plus
the fact that her father is a
professor of Buddhism, ever
since. She was great in Pulp
but generally she
doesn't have to bother to act
at all (and rarely does - see
also Even Cowgirls Get the
Gattaca, Batman
etc.). She's
omnipotent. We even have a
friend who, upon discovering
that her crush had dated Uma
in high school, gave up on
said crush instantaneously
and never looked back.

So don't tell US about Penn
discovering Uma, alright? She
rings hauntingly down the
years without even trying.

Maybe we should give up this
gig and start writing for
Esquire after all....

Fish With Letter Icon

Ars Attacks

From my own worm's-eye view,
most of what is considered to
be important contemporary art
is inherently adolescent in
its self-indulgence. Museums
are basically porno theaters
where the art criterati can
watch intellectual
masturbation of the most
banal kind.

This is not to say that there
is no great or significant
art being created in this
generation. But in the
schoolyard that is conceptual
art, the bullies who shout
the loudest command the most
attention if not respect.

Once again let me stress that
this is really an incredibly
subjective and not terribly
knowledgeable opinion.

Chris Deeks,
South Africa

The beauty of the art
industry is that people don't
feel comfortable commenting
on it without throwing in
disclaimers about how their
opinions are incredibly
subjective and not terribly
knowledgeable. Only art
critics and art history
majors can see with any
semblance of clarity that not
only is the emperor wearing
clothes, but those clothes
are made of crimson red
threads and golden amber
threads intertwined so
delicately and complexly that
they almost seem to be at war
with each other, perhaps
suggesting the eternal
struggle between the blood of
the proletariat and the
wealth of the upper echelons
of society.

Fish With Letter Icon

I never saw a villain on
Miami Vice worth his salt who
did not have a hot pad, hot
bitch, and great ride. Art is
our only real interest. Why
else can you buy matching
bath towels in every color of
the rainbow? Even toilet
paper comes in designs and

David A. Dorney

Um ... Yeah. Toilet paper.
Better wipe well after that

Fish With Letter Icon

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