The Fish
for 27 October 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll leave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
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[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

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Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Gotta Have Faith

Subject: About any contact to
Faith Popcorn at all!


I'm a student from Denmark
and I'm interested in making
an assignment of future
trends in Denmark. I would
therefore like to get in
contact with Miss Popcorn.
Can you help me here, please?
I noticed that you criticized
her methods a lot in your
article, in fact your
criticism is the first one I
have seen at all. Do you know
other Authors, journalists,
or whatever who criticizes
her as well? I would like to
know these stuffs because I
have to criticizes her
methods positively as well as

Thank you.

Tobias Rasmussen

Not only do we have a Rolodex
filled with Authors,
journalists, or whatever who
criticizes Miss Popcorn, we
have her home phone number.
Unfortunately, we cannot tell
you these stuffs because you
intend to criticizes her
methods positively, and that
we cannot abide.

Fish With Letter Icon

A Fan's Footnotes

It's a sad statement on the
public's ability to question
the "natural" order of
things, but generally, the
only sort of subversion
people can recognize and
accept is that which doesn't
actually subvert.

Case in point: Peter and
Raymond, now-deceased stars
of the Shut Up Little Man
, languish in
semi-obscurity after having
done their best to demolish
the facade of polite
conversation and the
necessity of semantics and
logic itself. The CD is out
of print after having sold
maybe 2,000 copies.

The Jerky Boys, whose only
truly subversive act is to
make the lives of people who
are trying to do their jobs a
living hell, are now on their
fourth CD of stale,
racist/homophobic material.
It will no doubt go gold.

Joe Garden, Sales

PS - I would argue that the
Jerky Boys appear much more
frequently than The Simpsons
on the Internet. This is
probably due in part to Fox
squashing Simpsons fan sites,
but it's more likely because
people believe that they are
playing a part in the
"subversive underground prank
tape-swapping culture" by
putting up Jerky Boys fan
sites. Ugh.

Be patient, Joe. I'm sure
that in time the Jerky Boys
will be as obscure as Peter
and Raymond are now. Maybe
the Little Man tapes never
sold well because too many
apartments come with that
sort of entertainment right
along with basic cable; I
know mine does....



Fish With Letter Icon

i have heard all of your
rhetoric before ... in smoky
coffee-houses filled with
geeky girls and closet
homosexuals, trying to find
acceptance within their
fellow group of 'slinkies.'

i laugh so hard at the
skinny, homosexual boy ...
tote-in' a black vest over
white t-shirt...complaining
in a babyish manner that only
the fat-girl-fresh-
would listen to.

come on ... you know it will
happen. after all this
'rebellious question-asking-
soul-searching,' you will be
right where everyone else is.
married. pissed. bored.
tired. over-worked. and
yappy-mouth'd about how cool
you used to be.

again, thank you.


"Pissed. Bored. Tired.
Over-worked." Gee, we must
have passed right through
cool on our way to
"yappy-mouthed" and therefore
can't actually talk about
much of anything at all.
Wonder why we're not

Fish With Letter Icon

Gospel According to Luke


Just read the article. First
time to see your stuff. Very
thought-provoking. Not sure,
though, that you haven't
carried the bully syndrome a
little far. Where does this
theory relate to the "have
vs. have-not" theories? Most
of the third-world-nation
stuff seems to come from a
group (a very large group, in
fact) of folks who live at a
level so low compared to the
developed nations it can
hardly be conceived by those
of us setting our pajamas in
leather chairs in our paneled
home offices chatting on the
Web. With disarming
regularity, one of those
downtrodden folks is able to
convince a number of his
friends that perhaps they
could take away from "us"
some of that good stuff.

Will I give them my chair?
Hell no; let them find their
own, and if they push me I
will cheerfully beat them
with my baseball bat or
subsidize with my taxes a
Tomahawk missile or two to
keep them in their hovel and
me in my leather chair.
Besides, if the kid has a
weight problem, it seems to
me it is his responsibility
to stop eating and get a
life. In the macro sense, he
should develop an economy for
the group (nation) instead of
setting up secret bank
accounts for himself and his
friends with the aid money
our taxes send all those

Good article - will check you
guys out regularly - hope you
don't mind some dissent

Charlie Cox

Charlie. Have a lot in
common. Don't like complete
sentences either. Also
inordinately fond of our
chairs. Dissent as much as
you want. Not sure what you
were trying to say, anyway.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Being Bullied

I just finished reading the
column on being bullied. And
while I understand the gist
of the article, I think the
author doesn't quite
understand what it is like to
be bullied. Forget the crap
about countries bullying each
other for a moment and focus
on what it would be like to
be that little girl in
England who was picked on so
much she thought it would be
better to be dead than face
another day. This is nothing
to be mocked or to be laughed

What the boy did in
Mississippi was wrong, and
I'm not sure I understand it,
but what happened to the
little girl in England is
sad. The parents of the
children who taunted her and
threw rotten vegetables on
her and spit on her should be
ashamed of their children,
and perhaps should be afraid
of them. Bullying today is
not like bullying when I was
a child. I did have the
occasional scuffle and the
constant name-calling but I
never felt like killing
myself or murdering others.

I was finally able to get
over most of the taunts I
got, but sometimes the
memories do pop back up. Even
though I am successful now, I
wonder if I would have
received the amount of
torture some victims get, if I
wouldn't have done something
drastic as well. These
children who are bullies grow
into adults who are bullies.
And I wonder why this world
is so violent, and I wonder
who will tell the children
they are loved?

Thank you for your time.

Aaron J. Smith

You are loved, Aaron. You

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Reagan era - my ass!

"Woodham's behavior would be
that somebody snuck a big
pile of George Will's hawkish
Reagan-era Newsweek columns
into his locker, leaving an
innocent 16-year-old mind
with the impression that
Mutual Assured Destruction
was simply a thoughtful
policy choice."

Since Woodham was too young
to remember the Reagan Era
... let's talk the Clinton
era ... Clinton has so many
of our soldiers overseas
"guarding the peace" for the
UN, that you'd think this was
where our innocent
16-year-old got his
impression of the balance of

We are the big superpower,
but Reagan isn't around
anymore, so why reference
him? Why not just come out
and let us know you're a
card-carrying, flag-waving,
registered-Democrat, flaming

Hmmm.... Oh, yeah....
Liberalism isn't cool if you
admit to it - hell, not even
Clinton will admit to it, he
sounds like a
Limbaugh-Republican more
every day!

David Holstein, or One More
Flaming Libertarian

You are loved, David. You

Fish With Letter Icon

Good take on the Air Force
flick and you even had
the "bottle" (as my Britbuds
say) to allude to Goldstein's
massacre at the mosque, BUT
conflating the Palestinians'
resistance to the "settler'"
(where are the Injuns?) theft
of their land with what
Goldstein did seems like
universalism for the
heckuvit. Steal my land, get
your ass full of shrapnel.

Michael Hoffman II Campaign
for Radical Truth in History
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho

You're arming bears up there
in Idaho, aren't you? Would
it help to hear that you're
loved? No?

Then would you let those
bears know that they're

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Suck-

It is my considered opinion
that if more of the "bullied"
(or "losers" or "geeks" or
other quotified individuals)
in our society picked up the
proverbial gun they could,
collectively, at long last
make the point about our
society that Marxist
theorists have been trying to
make for decades.

The United States is a
spiritual charnel house in
which the lives of countless
people have been destroyed
over the course of the last
two centuries. We have built
up layer upon layer of lies,
obfuscations, and social
pseudo-philosophies to try
to hide what is so bracingly
revealed by unknowing
avengers like Luke Woodham:
that our nation is founded on
power-related violence, and
that change, whether
individual or systemic, will
only come from other, more
righteous violence.

The question you should be
asking is how does a
16-year-old boy come up with
the self and societal
awareness to intuit that what
he is doing is related to our
prevailing cultural
zeitgeist. It's one thing for
a 40-year-old, three-time-
loser to finally go off the
deep end and then try,
shamefacedly, to justify it
after the fact with
half-hearted rants against
"the system." It's quite
another to have a young boy
murder three people and
immediately pin it squarely
on the interpersonal violence
of which he and others have
been victims.

To paraphrase Norman Mailer,
the armies of the night are
indeed coming, and this time
none of the victimizers will
be spared.

Would you tell Norman Mailer
that he's loved?

Fish With Letter Icon

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