The Fish
for 24 October 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll leave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Gospel According to Luke


Just read the article. First
time to see your stuff. Very
thought-provoking. Not sure,
though, that you haven't
carried the bully syndrome a
little far. Where does this
theory relate to the "have
vs. have-not" theories? Most
of the third-world-nation
stuff seems to come from a
group (a very large group, in
fact) of folks who live at a
level so low compared to the
developed nations it can
hardly be conceived by those
of us setting our pajamas in
leather chairs in our paneled
home offices chatting on the
Web. With disarming
regularity, one of those
downtrodden folks is able to
convince a number of his
friends that perhaps they
could take away from "us"
some of that good stuff.

Will I give them my chair?
Hell no; let them find their
own, and if they push me I
will cheerfully beat them
with my baseball bat or
subsidize with my taxes a
Tomahawk missile or two to
keep them in their hovel and
me in my leather chair.
Besides, if the kid has a
weight problem, it seems to
me it is his responsibility
to stop eating and get a
life. In the macro sense, he
should develop an economy for
the group (nation) instead of
setting up secret bank
accounts for himself and his
friends with the aid money
our taxes send all those

Good article - will check you
guys out regularly - hope you
don't mind some dissent

Charlie Cox

Charlie. Have a lot in
common. Don't like complete
sentences either. Also
inordinately fond of our
chairs. Dissent as much as
you want. Not sure what you
were trying to say, anyway.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Being Bullied

I just finished reading the
column on being bullied. And
while I understand the gist
of the article, I think the
author doesn't quite
understand what it is like to
be bullied. Forget the crap
about countries bullying each
other for a moment and focus
on what it would be like to
be that little girl in
England who was picked on so
much she thought it would be
better to be dead than face
another day. This is nothing
to be mocked or to be laughed

What the boy did in
Mississippi was wrong, and
I'm not sure I understand it,
but what happened to the
little girl in England is
sad. The parents of the
children who taunted her and
threw rotten vegetables on
her and spit on her should be
ashamed of their children,
and perhaps should be afraid
of them. Bullying today is
not like bullying when I was
a child. I did have the
occasional scuffle and the
constant name-calling but I
never felt like killing
myself or murdering others.

I was finally able to get
over most of the taunts I
got, but sometimes the
memories do pop back up. Even
though I am successful now, I
wonder if I would have
received the amount of
torture some victims get, if I
wouldn't have done something
drastic as well. These
children who are bullies grow
into adults who are bullies.
And I wonder why this world
is so violent, and I wonder
who will tell the children
they are loved?

Thank you for your time.

Aaron J. Smith

You are loved, Aaron. You

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Reagan era - my ass!

"Woodham's behavior would be
that somebody snuck a big
pile of George Will's hawkish
Reagan-era Newsweek columns
into his locker, leaving an
innocent 16-year-old mind
with the impression that
Mutual Assured Destruction
was simply a thoughtful
policy choice."

Since Woodham was too young
to remember the Reagan Era
... let's talk the Clinton
era ... Clinton has so many
of our soldiers overseas
"guarding the peace" for the
UN, that you'd think this was
where our innocent
16-year-old got his
impression of the balance of

We are the big superpower,
but Reagan isn't around
anymore, so why reference
him? Why not just come out
and let us know you're a
card-carrying, flag-waving,
registered-Democrat, flaming

Hmmm.... Oh, yeah....
Liberalism isn't cool if you
admit to it - hell, not even
Clinton will admit to it, he
sounds like a
Limbaugh-Republican more
every day!

David Holstein, or One More
Flaming Libertarian

You are loved, David. You

Fish With Letter Icon

Good take on the Air Force
flick and you even had
the "bottle" (as my Britbuds
say) to allude to Goldstein's
massacre at the mosque, BUT
conflating the Palestinians'
resistance to the "settler'"
(where are the Injuns?) theft
of their land with what
Goldstein did seems like
universalism for the
heckuvit. Steal my land, get
your ass full of shrapnel.

Michael Hoffman II Campaign
for Radical Truth in History
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho

You're arming bears up there
in Idaho, aren't you? Would
it help to hear that you're
loved? No?

Then would you let those
bears know that they're

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Suck-

It is my considered opinion
that if more of the "bullied"
(or "losers" or "geeks" or
other quotified individuals)
in our society picked up the
proverbial gun they could,
collectively, at long last
make the point about our
society that Marxist
theorists have been trying to
make for decades.

The United States is a
spiritual charnel house in
which the lives of countless
people have been destroyed
over the course of the last
two centuries. We have built
up layer upon layer of lies,
obfuscations, and social
pseudo-philosophies to try
to hide what is so bracingly
revealed by unknowing
avengers like Luke Woodham:
that our nation is founded on
power-related violence, and
that change, whether
individual or systemic, will
only come from other, more
righteous violence.

The question you should be
asking is how does a
16-year-old boy come up with
the self and societal
awareness to intuit that what
he is doing is related to our
prevailing cultural
zeitgeist. It's one thing for
a 40-year-old, three-time-
loser to finally go off the
deep end and then try,
shamefacedly, to justify it
after the fact with
half-hearted rants against
"the system." It's quite
another to have a young boy
murder three people and
immediately pin it squarely
on the interpersonal violence
of which he and others have
been victims.

To paraphrase Norman Mailer,
the armies of the night are
indeed coming, and this time
none of the victimizers will
be spared.

Would you tell Norman Mailer
that he's loved?

Fish With Letter Icon

Gospel According to Luke

I realize that when today's
article read, "Federal
government killed children at
Waco? Park an enormous
fertilizer bomb under a
nursery!" you were speaking
more or less from the
viewpoint of a deluded
Timothy McVeigh, and you were
just trying to point out the
absurdity of his actions.
However, the way it is
presented, a reader might be
led to believe that the FBI
really did kill children.

So, I just thought that I
should point out that, in
fact, Koresh's faithful
killed themselves. I've heard
the surveillance tapes of the
compound as the tank starts
to break down the walls, and
you can hear some of the
Davidians hollering back and
forth about torches and

Your article as a whole
brings a strong perspective
to a strange, sad tale that
will be thoroughly
sensationalized and surely
spawn a few movies of the
week and TV drama episodes
"ripped from today's
headlines" until it loses all
meaning and is collectively
forgotten. Gems like
this that allow me to
overlook the "style over
clarity" rhetoric that
appears on Suck sometimes.

Keep writing, I'll keep


Courtney Cason

Keep reading, we'll have

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Christian-Slater

Of course, it is possible
that our chubby miscreant
simply watched Heathers too
many times and took the
message a bit too

The note smacks of J. D.'s
response to Veronica...

"I am not insane," Luke
wrote. "I am angry. I killed
because people like me are
mistreated every day."

from Heathers ...

Veronica: You think you're a
rebel? Do you actually think
you're a rebel? You're not a
rebel. You're fucking

J. D.: You say tomato, I say

Perhaps a little oblique, but
the throughline is there ...
Imagine J. D. responding, "I'm
not insane, I'm just angry."
Same feeling, huh?

And then of course there's
J. D.'s little petition ...

"'We students of Westerberg
High will die. Today. Our
burning bodies will be the
ultimate protest to a society
that degrades us. Fuck you
all.' It's not very subtle,
but, uh, neither is blowing
up an entire school, now is

And then there's his speech
toward the end ...

"Alright, so maybe I am
killing everyone in the
school. Cause nobody loves
me! Let's face it, alright!
The only place that different
social types can genuinely
get along together is in
heaven!... Seriously, people
are gonna look at the ashes
of Westerberg and say, 'Now
there is a school that self
destructed not because
society didn't care, but
because the school was
society!' Pretty deep, huh?"

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm
not blaming the deaths of
these people on the influence
of a really good dark comedy.
But the possibility does
exist that our little social
reject has the
"Christian-Slater Complex,"
characterized by a desire to
kill your classmates, a
really bad haircut, and the
inability to distinguish
reality from good movies.

Of course, the possibility
also exists that I have watched
Heathers too many times and
am simply desperately trying
to equate it to real life.
The jury is still out.

Jenna Sutton

Only one thing's for certain:
If you somehow manage to 1)
back up a good point by
liberally quoting from
Heathers, and 2) insult
Christian Slater by confusing
the actor with a character he
played (it's unclear which is
more unsavory, Christian or
J. D.), your letter's
definitely gonna get

Please write to us more

Fish With Letter Icon

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