The Fish
for 23 October 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Gospel According to Luke

I realize that when today's
article read, "Federal
government killed children at
Waco? Park an enormous
fertilizer bomb under a
nursery!" you were speaking
more or less from the
viewpoint of a deluded
Timothy McVeigh, and you were
just trying to point out the
absurdity of his actions.
However, the way it is
presented, a reader might be
led to believe that the FBI
really did kill children.

So, I just thought that I
should point out that, in
fact, Koresh's faithful
killed themselves. I've heard
the surveillance tapes of the
compound as the tank starts
to break down the walls, and
you can hear some of the
Davidians hollering back and
forth about torches and

Your article as a whole
brings a strong perspective
to a strange, sad tale that
will be thoroughly
sensationalized and surely
spawn a few movies of the
week and TV drama episodes
"ripped from today's
headlines" until it loses all
meaning and is collectively
forgotten. Gems like
this that allow me to
overlook the "style over
clarity" rhetoric that
appears on Suck sometimes.

Keep writing, I'll keep


Courtney Cason

Keep reading, we'll have

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Christian-Slater

Of course, it is possible
that our chubby miscreant
simply watched Heathers too
many times and took the
message a bit too

The note smacks of J. D.'s
response to Veronica...

"I am not insane," Luke
wrote. "I am angry. I killed
because people like me are
mistreated every day."

from Heathers ...

Veronica: You think you're a
rebel? Do you actually think
you're a rebel? You're not a
rebel. You're fucking

J. D.: You say tomato, I say

Perhaps a little oblique, but
the throughline is there ...
Imagine J. D. responding, "I'm
not insane, I'm just angry."
Same feeling, huh?

And then of course there's
J. D.'s little petition ...

"'We students of Westerberg
High will die. Today. Our
burning bodies will be the
ultimate protest to a society
that degrades us. Fuck you
all.' It's not very subtle,
but, uh, neither is blowing
up an entire school, now is

And then there's his speech
toward the end ...

"Alright, so maybe I am
killing everyone in the
school. Cause nobody loves
me! Let's face it, alright!
The only place that different
social types can genuinely
get along together is in
heaven!... Seriously, people
are gonna look at the ashes
of Westerberg and say, 'Now
there is a school that self
destructed not because
society didn't care, but
because the school was
society!' Pretty deep, huh?"

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm
not blaming the deaths of
these people on the influence
of a really good dark comedy.
But the possibility does
exist that our little social
reject has the
"Christian-Slater Complex,"
characterized by a desire to
kill your classmates, a
really bad haircut, and the
inability to distinguish
reality from good movies.

Of course, the possibility
also exists that I have watched
Heathers too many times and
am simply desperately trying
to equate it to real life.
The jury is still out.

Jenna Sutton

Only one thing's for certain:
If you somehow manage to 1)
back up a good point by
liberally quoting from
Heathers, and 2) insult
Christian Slater by confusing
the actor with a character he
played (it's unclear which is
more unsavory, Christian or
J. D.), your letter's
definitely gonna get

Please write to us more

Fish With Letter Icon

Computers on TV

Dear Sucksters,

I'd like to see a column
about how TV shows still
choose the saddest old
technology to represent

I was watching an old
X-Files the other day (the
one where the computer that
runs a building has become
intelligent, and there's one
good guy and one evil guy who
started this corporation
[duh, which one was Gates and
which one was Allen?]). Anyway
- the point is the computer
was supposed to be totally
intelligent and self-aware,
but it still worked off a
command-line interface.

Scully also types her diary
on a DOS-looking system.
Think of all the
representations of computers
on TV shows, like Doogie
Doogie always typed
in white, monospaced DOS text
on a blue screen. I bet there
are a lot more examples - and
Doogie isn't exactly
cutting-edge but the Files?
Isn't their audience supposed
to be tech-literate,

What happens in TV? Does the
designer put a nice new Mac
in there, and then the
director comes along, sees
black proportional text on a
white background, and says,
"No, no, no, get me something
that looks more, I dunno,
computery, willya?"

Then there are cool shows
like Millenium, in which
Frank Black has a System
8/Copland-type Mac, but
they've tweaked the dialogs
and progress bars for some
reason, and to a Mac user
they just look trashy.


Nothing compares with the
computer graphics (and
concept) behind the movie War
featuring a huge
flashing displays that say
things like "Countdown 10
seconds to Total World

The Undead Urban Elite

Fish With Letter Icon

Sure I have a degree in Fine
Arts. Sure I have liked jazz
since I was 14. Fine cheese
has always been a passion.
(Since I was born in
Wisconsin.) I can
successfully use
polysyllabics in public
without embarrassing myself
or others but I still believe
in the ranting of the insane.

I think the best album I have
heard in a long time was the
Smashing Pumpkins' Infinite
Only because I have
a passion for continuity and
theme but - a very important
but - I am not rich. I do
however, love curry and
cilantro. What the hell is
wrong with me?

Do I need to be saved from
myself or, should I continue
to look for the tallest
building in the area?

Steven Poleske

Look, we're quite pleased to
hear that your tastes in food
and music are so very
natural, but you're clearly
not as smart as you think you
are. Any idiot can see that
the "Urban Elite" poem in
question is an outright call
to the curry and cilantro
lovers of the world to finish
themselves off once and for

Fish With Letter Icon

The Stuff -- it's a list of stuff we like

Little link to Suck
Arrow Image
Contacting Us
Contributors Index
Little Barrel Link
Little Gun Link
A machine producing Suck
Link To Tech Notes