The Fish
for 3 October 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Are You in a Meeting?

Up until a week ago or so, I
worked in a large corporation
where discussions had to take
place in official meetings.
Of course, the only time we
every really got any work
done was during those
"unofficial" coffee station
and hallway meetings. Anyway,
I've spent way too much time
in corporate meetings.
Several years ago, I gave up
even trying to participate. I
started doodling instead. I
even tried to get out of
meetings, telling my boss
that I'd actually work
instead. Nope ... no good ...
everyone needs to waste some
time. Anyway, I have a page
I've devoted to some of my
better doodles. Please stop
by (\~treisner)
and see what corporate
time-wasting has inspired.

The Treisners

So, you quit your job to
start a Web site devoted to
doodles? That's excellent.
Just another instance of
technology touching our lives
in a dramatically useless

Fish With Letter Icon

I Don't Need a Support

Hi, I am the guy who sent you
the message about social
support and the opinion of
the community psychology. I
have been in your site, but I
need some information from
you: I would put your opinion
in my research. The first thing
I want to ask is: "There are a
lot of virtual community, and
people like chatting in the
virtual rooms. Do you think that
this new mode of communication
can make them more happy?"

The second: "What about the
continuing of virtual relation
in the real life? Are there
people who meet in the real
life after chatting on

The last: "Can really this
way of life make our society

I hope you understand what I
mean. I am Italian, and here
the communication is very
different, so I can't for the
moment understand what's
happening in the United
States. If you can give me a
good answers, do it. I need
direct informations.

Thanks a lot,
Gianfranco Gorelli

The answers: 1) Yes - but so
can Tetris. 2) Yes - but
they're always disappointed.
3) No.

Suck: Filled with Direct

Fish With Letter Icon

Where's the Beef Tit?

Subject: Beef Tit Rug Fuckers

Congratulations, the
groan-fart journalism that
magically plops onto your
site every weekday is barely
a queef splinter above the
junk email that rots inside
my digital corn hole.

Reverend Speef Narkle

And your next trick is what,
Reverend Speef? Suck interns
must know at least three.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: You're screwed

Dear Suck,

You are a great site - great
editorials, great
illustrations. There is no
publication that I am aware
of (and boy am I aware) that
offers the quality of
literature that Suck does.
Which means you won't be
around for very long.

Andy Russell

One person's misplaced
enthusiasm is another's job
security, thank God.

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear friends,

Once upon a time, about a
year and a half ago, my
co-editor and I wrote you,
the mighty Protectors of
Right and Good, for a little
free press. You may remember ...
we wrote it as a poem, a
damn fine little poem, in
which we made it very clear
that we wanted YOU, not those
bumbling fools at Word, YOU,
to at least mention the fact
that a cool little site named
SMART was out there. God, how
we hoped you'd help us out.
"Gee," we thought to
ourselves, "if our hits are
increasing exponentially now,
without any press, imagine
what'll happen if those zany
cats at SUCK talk us up?
Christ, we really will be
able to live that dream of
writing professionally and
not having to wear name tags
at our jobs. Oh, how life
would be swell!"

Well, your royal
sizzletitses, you never
deigned to give us one measly
little link, and the
corporate stooges with
nut-clippers poised went
right ahead and snipped. Now
I sling lattés and I'm
too poor to have my own email
account. Thanks.

Paul Primrose
Former co-editor, SMART
Formerly accessible at
Formerly "SMART: Corporate
Sponsored Buffoonery"

Gee ... sorry, man. But we're
the first to say it: The
world needs more latté
slingers and less
sizzletitsing Web sites and
lounge singers. The world
needs more variations on a
caffeine theme, less
variations on the "cool,"
"zany," or "smart" themes,
particularly online. Besides,
if your hits were increasing
exponentially without our
help, whyever did you fail?
Too much quality literature
or something?

Anyway, as long as we're paid
to be royal sizzletitses and
you're paid to sling
lattés, we'd like ours
iced, double, skinny, no

We said no foam, dammit! We'd
like to speak to your

Fish With Letter Icon

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