The Fish
for 26 September 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager


So, I just finshed spewing my
guts onto the screen in a
vain attempt at trying to
write The Great American
and I think that I'll
relax and poke around on the
Net before going to sleep.

Naturally, I go to Suck, and
I am immediately deflated.

Thank You.

For I was beginning to feel
that what I was writing might
actually have a prayer of
being decent, but now I know
better and I should just go
back to not having any hope
at all. Now where did I put
that Cure CD? And to think
that I gave all my black
clothes back to Goodwill.

Thanks for sucking.

Suck: Keeping Bad Writers
Appropriately Insecure and
Pessimistic for over Two

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit and Run

Dear Sucksters:

Great; two of my pet peeves
(down, peeve, down) in one
column. Oh frabjous day.

The best critique of Slate
isn't that it's West Coast
(as you note, why should that
matter), badly written (it
isn't, really, although it
could use some sharpening),
unfocused (hey, it's young),
or not read by enough people
(compare its readership to -
say - The Nation); the real
criticism is that it isn't an
online magazine at all. Not
only is there no observable
interaction between the
writership and the
readership, there's not even
a mechanism for one; for that
matter, does Stein (to choose
an especially egregious
example) even HAVE email?
Rather, it's an old-fashioned
print magazine, modeled on
The Atlantic as a guess, that
saves on production costs by
being online. This may
actually be an OK thing -
lots of relationships have
been ruined by too much
honest communication - but
it's pretty odd coming from

Alan Kornheiser

Right. Unlike Suck, which is
really quite interactive.
Yes. Why, if there were any
more observable interaction
between the writership and
the readership, somebody
would have to call the police
and arrest us for public
performance of lude and
lascivious acts. That's
right, there's so much
interactivity it's a
veritable orgy!

Naturally, our editorial
policies are formed solely by
reader opinions. At Suck, we
take our reader's comments
and criticisms to heart. If
we agree with them.

OK. Now go away,
calloo callay.

Fish With Letter Icon


Hi.... this is [name
withheld], the girl who wrote
the ever-so-eloquent letter
to you about the job i so
desire on your staff. i will
be in the bay area this
weekend (sept 12, 13, 14) and
would love to see if you all
were just using me as a pawn
in your constant search for
humor or you maybe were
serious and are offering me a
job under the guise of what
could be taken as a serious
slam-fest ... (fyi, my shift
is stuck on the ol' keyboard,
hence, the lack of regular
punctuation ... sorry if it
threw you off, but somehow i
know you can deal.) anyway,
my phone number here in
oregon is xxxx and in the bay
area xxxx ... i would really
like to hear from you, but i
won't be sitting by the phone
waiting or anything 'cause
there's just too much to do
in san francisco and you guys
have sent a very mixed
message about my status as
the new and improved staff
member ("you're hired."...
where's the confusion in
that? ... yes, i did read
on....) just wanted to let
you know i really am
interested in working with
you and while i'm at it, my
now-famous friend jeff would
be willing to fetch your
coffee to get his foot in the
door, too.

sincerely confused but

Generally, if your potential
future employer does not
respond to you privately, and
instead chooses to mock you
publicly for a cheap laugh,
there are just three
conclusions you should draw:

1. You probably didn't get
the job. 2. There probably
isn't a job to get. 3. On the
off-chance that there is a
job and that you did get it,
you probably shouldn't take

Since we can't give you a
job, we'll give you some
job-search tips: Be less
sincere, less confused, and
less hopeful.

Fish With Letter Icon


Once in a while, I catch the
feedback, and well, I usually
refrain from sending off
messages of praise like this,
but your collective mag is
the most precious,
informative, and all down my
alley. There is nowhere else
on the planet so telling it
like it is.


And we don't usually include
messages of praise, unless
we're feeling a little guilty
for being mean to young,
naive job-searchers, however
annoying they might be. After
all, we're quite thankful to
be gainfully employed, so why
do we have to be such
assholes to those who aren't,
no matter how chafing they
are? All this guilt makes us
feel insecure about
ourselves, which is where
nice messages like yours fit
in: You help to pad our egos,
assuage our guilt, and
perpetuate our demonic

We couldn't tell it like it
is (or like we think it might
be) without you!

Fish With Letter Icon

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