The Fish
for 10 September 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


[John 'too tall' Pike]
John Pike
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Hit and Run

What, you don't like Grizzly


Chris Smith

Fish With Letter Icon

Writing for Online Magazines

Suck has always dealt a decent
line in navel-gazing, but on
Friday you disappeared just
that bit further up your
collective umbilicus.

Thanks. First time I've
laughed out loud in ages.


Wow. And it's the first time
we've navel-gazed in ... oh,
a few days.

Fish With Letter Icon

Hey, writing for you guys
sounds like a step up from my
current job, so quit whining
and get on with it! Jeezus X.
Krist! Piss and moan all you
want, but you're not stuck in
a minimum-wage job at the age
of 30 while you're marking
time in some pissant West
Texas town waiting for the
damn professor to wake up and
actually teach a damn class
once in a while - and,
meanwhile back at the house,
the roaches are demanding
tribute and your student loan
is running late because some
whiny teamster at UPS decided
US$30,000 simoleons per year
wasn't enough to keep him in
scungili and mob suits!

By the way, Canada is not the
problem. It's Quebec. Slam
them. They need it. Fucking

What was I talking about? Oh,
yeah. One other thing -
change the special features,
damnit! Presumably a special
feature is something that
pops up once a month or so in
your favorite rag and then
goes away like it's damn well
supposed to. Either that or
rename it to Perpetual
Features! Damn!

Damn, damn, damn, and damn!

<Name Withheld to Protect
the Roaches>

Thanks for the suggestion -
Perpetual Features are sure
to be a hit. More talk, less
variety, and much, much lower
costs. Hot damn!

Fish With Letter Icon

Rolling Papers

Thanks for hitting a nerve of
mine. The press has become a
publicity puppet for the
government and big industry.
I see major world change
taking place through the
Internet. The Net is
America's wire cutters to its
own Iron Curtain. Finally,
people have a way to keep the
bureaucrats (bull-o-craps) in
check. Finally, a means to
distribute the truth! Now,
all we need is to make sure
all that we say on the Net is
accurate and true. Otherwise,
another propaganda coup will
take place. The government
would flood this Net with
inaccuracies until no one
would want to read the
electronic equivalent of the
National Enquirer. Thanks for
your assessment of the
journalistic situation and

Mike Rogalski

Glad I could hit your nerves.
But the Net failed the
and-accuracy test a long time
ago. And if that standard is
even attainable, who might you
suggest should be responsible
for maintaining it? The
government, perhaps?


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Guilty!

You're just going to have to
admit it - you just went and
became your own subject and
fried your own arguments. If
you're so fired up about
alternative journalism just
circulating old news, just
interested in attitude, just
making flashes in media pans,
well - go write some instead
of complaining.

And just why do you think that
we're all numb to these
stories, even if only one of
them could be important?
Because we have heard it all
before. Because we can't go
10 feet without some news
anchor telling us about how
many people have died today,
how the company you have been
working for has been killing
us, how our government lies.
Hell, we've been hearing this
since Kennedy, and you know
what? it is getting to us. We
don't need these stories
anymore because we already
believe them. Journalism only
becomes effective if the
audience doesn't already
believe but wants to. And we
don't want to anymore. Didn't
anyone in the newsrooms
consider that we would end up
listening, that we might
believe that the world is a
nasty place? So after our
airplanes get shot out of the
air and our statesmen admit
to sexual wrongdoing, we just
want to come home and depend
on something simple,
something understandable. And
we understand celebrity
scandal - mostly because we
wish we could live that life,
even if it does mean
answering personal questions
in front of Jerry Springer.
You want to know why
alternative journalism has
gotten pathetic? It's
because we've become

So while you bemoan the death
of quality, alternative
reporting by publishing shit
that just doesn't go
anywhere, try to remember
something. We're not
interested because it's just
not news anymore.

I have written stories about
the kinds of issues you
suggest - and the rest of
your message neatly explains
why I always felt like nobody
was reading them.
Heartwarming! Thanks!


Fish With Letter Icon

And you Sucksters do it damn
well continually.... Although
I wish you'd pick on Mexico
and WJC a little more, quit
trying to make Orwell the
prophet he wasn't, and maybe
give us the real shit on
global warming.



1.) Mexico sucks.

2.) WJC? Hah! What a joke!

3.) Suck is Love; Love is

4.) Global warming - it's hot!



Fish With Letter Icon

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