The Fish
for 4 September 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


[John 'too tall' Pike]
John Pike
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

What ... Me Funny?

I don't know if you have the
collection already, but all
of the original Mad comic
books are currently being
reprinted in a magazine-sized
format, in groups of five
issues, the first of which
was just released. It should
be available at your local
comic shop. A couple of other
old-line humor comics are
also being rereleased (e.g.,
Panic). Anyway, this ain't no
fan letter, although I
enjoyed your article and read
Suck religiously. I just
thought that you might like
to know, if you didn't
already (rather than writing
the usual over-the-top
pretentious claptrap that
seems to show up in The
Fish). Keep up the cynicism.

Christopher Colombo

What a coincidence! We write
Suck religiously. Which is to
say, with the hopes of
founding a tax-exempt
business and devoted cult
following. Keep the faith.

Fish With Letter Icon

In Harmony's Way

Another great rant. Americans
do like a great speech.
Clinton's enumeration of the
ills afflicting this country
are beginning to resemble the
late-night news. We read the
same stories and can cite
many of the same statistics
as he, just not as
eloquently. You suggest that
the apparent lack of dialog
on race relations by the man
in the street may mean we
have better things to do with
our time. The issue is so big
maybe we just don't know
where to start. What is at
issue, for the most part, are
the inequities built into so
many of the institutions that
affect people on a personal
level daily in this country.
Unfortunately for blacks in
this country, the time
for a tribunal to
redress the wrongs done them
(as has been created in post-
apartheid South Africa) may
have come and gone. There are
many wrongs being done people
of all ethnic backgrounds in
the justice system, in
schools, and in the matter of
wages, job opportunities,
housing, etc. The fact of
being poor in this country
has become the social
equivalent of having a Kick
Me sign taped to one's back,
much like the predicament of
blacks, both historically and
at present.


Blacks get the double whammy
of having a Kick Me sign
pretty much encoded in their
genes. Junior-high travails
are inexplicable and
mysterious, while the
discriminatory signs for race
are as plain as the nose on
someone's face, so to speak.

Fish With Letter Icon

Uninteresting times, huh? Well,
let's see: an information
technology revolution; an
educational crisis at home; a
new Europe and Asia; the PRC
in Hong Kong; a restructuring
of the American work force; a
bankrupt Welfare, Medicare,
and Social Security System -
hell, what to do? No easy
answers (maybe no good
questions either) to any of
these trivial phenomena.
Solution: Go directly to
Martha's Vineyard and be
entertained by NEA supporters
while worrying about
establishing a legacy. Hang
on, Bill, maybe you'll be
given a star on Hollywood

David George

You know, Dave (can I call you
Dave?), I really suspect that
Bill Clinton works harder and
longer hours than you and I
put together. And while
Martha's Vineyard is a
beautiful place, I doubt any
president gets any real rest
on vacation. So lighten up.

And if you know where I can
find this information
technology revolution, please
clue me in. All I've noticed
is a bunch of dorks sending
me jokes about Bill Gates.
And some speech by Kurt

Yours Patriotically,

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit and Run

Subject: Spy

For want of a magazine that
was just a damned good read,
I picked up my first ish of
Spy in early 1987 and was
amazed. Its heft so mighty,
its binding so strong ... and
the teeny type in abundance
... pages 'pon pages of
stellar writing and jokes I
didn't get ('cause it was
mostly NYC-based content back
then) but knew were smarmy
and mean-spirited and clever
and witty and for those
reasons I should be guffawing

I never kept magazines 'cept
for all my old Spys.

And then something terrible
started with the April '91
issue, and the magazine's
never been the same since.

Yea, it is the walking dead.
For the past year (at least)
the quality of Spy has been
akin to an episode of
Caroline in the City and
Unhappily Ever After mashed
together into some piece of
dog shit that the
Dubba-Dubba-Dubba-WB Network would
snatch up in a second (placed
in a coveted timeslot behind
The Jamie Foxx Show or The Wayans

Old Late Night with David
reruns and old Spy
magazine ... there was
nothin' finer.

But, yes, the latest issue
emits a couple rays of hope.

By the by, is National
still published? For
a while it was impossible to
tell it and Spy apart - and I
don't mean that in a good

Dave Hicks

Well, as with most things, it
takes more than a mission
statement to make something

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: That's Mr. Magic Man,
to you

'Bout time somebody noticed
The Nissan Magic Man. Does
he give anyone else the
creeps? I see him, and I think
of the calm, soothing,
high-tech ninjas who populate
William Gibson novels. The
subtext to these commercials
seems to be: "You Americans
are really cute and funny.
Just keep buying our cars,
and we may let you live."
Along with the Duracell
plastic family, he may be one
of the most frightening
people on TV. Wonder if he'll
show up in The X-Files


Mr. Magic Man is number three
on our top-ten list of
creepiest television
personalities. A complete

10) Martha Stewart
9) Duracell plastic family
8) Gary Coleman
7) Mr. and Mrs. Jack van Impe
6) Anthony Robbins
5) Howard Berg
4) Jim Lehrer
3) Mr. Magic Man
2) The Sewing with Nancy lady
1) Bob Saget

Fish With Letter Icon

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