for 3 September 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Hit and Run

Subject: Spy

For want of a magazine that
was just a damned good read,
I picked up my first ish of
Spy in early 1987 and was
amazed. Its heft so mighty,
its binding so strong ... and
the teeny type in abundance
... pages 'pon pages of
stellar writing and jokes I
didn't get ('cause it was
mostly NYC-based content back
then) but knew were smarmy
and mean-spirited and clever
and witty and for those
reasons I should be guffawing
loudly.

I never kept magazines 'cept
for all my old Spys.

And then something terrible
started with the April '91
issue, and the magazine's
never been the same since.

Yea, it is the walking dead.
For the past year (at least)
the quality of Spy has been
akin to an episode of
Caroline in the City and
Unhappily Ever After mashed
together into some piece of
dog shit that the
Dubba-Dubba-Dubba-WB Network would
snatch up in a second (placed
in a coveted timeslot behind
The Jamie Foxx Show or The Wayans
Brothers).

Old Late Night with David
Letterman reruns and old Spy
magazine ... there was
nothin' finer.

But, yes, the latest issue
emits a couple rays of hope.

By the by, is National
Lampoon still published? For
a while it was impossible to
tell it and Spy apart - and I
don't mean that in a good
way.

Dave Hicks
<dave@agency.com>

Well, as with most things, it
takes more than a mission
statement to make something
happen.

Subject: That's Mr. Magic Man,
to you

'Bout time somebody noticed
The Nissan Magic Man. Does
he give anyone else the
creeps? I see him, and I think
of the calm, soothing,
high-tech ninjas who populate
William Gibson novels. The
subtext to these commercials
seems to be: "You Americans
are really cute and funny.
Just keep buying our cars,
and we may let you live."
Along with the Duracell
plastic family, he may be one
of the most frightening
people on TV. Wonder if he'll
show up in The X-Files
soon....

<rquinn@sgi.net>

Mr. Magic Man is number three
on our top-ten list of
creepiest television
personalities. A complete
list:

10) Martha Stewart
9) Duracell plastic family
8) Gary Coleman
7) Mr. and Mrs. Jack van Impe
6) Anthony Robbins
5) Howard Berg
4) Jim Lehrer
3) Mr. Magic Man
2) The Sewing with Nancy lady
1) Bob Saget

Filler

What are Pleather pants? Do
they have special pockets to
hold 12" singles?

Troy Sheets
<tsheets@saturn5.com>

No, but they have special
pockets to hold 9"... um,
things.

Every Tuesday I wait with
baited breath for the next
day's Filler. I wish I could
say it was the anticipation
of your prose that keeps me
awake, but its more likely
the cheap crack I smoked.
None the less I find myself
maddeningly empathizing with
your wit laced cynicism. How
can someone be so "whatever"
about everything, everything,
and be so intellectually
sexy.

I find myself in the middle of
night dreaming of bantering
with a Terry Colon caricature
of you only to wake up in an
empty bed and a cold sweat.
Ugh. I can only hope in this
continuum of space and time
that our paths may meet and
you look nothing like Mr.
Colon's drawings and we can
drink and do happy drugs and
verbally spit on people far
below our awareness of
reality. We could hate the
world together. Maybe even do
something we regret five
years from now.

<Name Withheld to Protect the Semi-Innocent>

Like eat a whole pint of Ben
and Jerry's Chubby Hubby in
one sitting? I don't have to
wait five years to do that -
I've got a pint in the
freezer right now... I'm
opening the freezer... I'm
getting a spoon... I'm
opening the lid, slooooowly.
Is this working for you?

I already spend a lot of my
time verbally spitting on
people far below my awareness
of reality. Usually this
means picking on the
6-year-old next door by
calling him names like
"Dodo-head" and "Stupid
Butt."

Send that cheap crack, though.

Polly