The Fish
for 1 September 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


[John 'too tall' Pike]
John Pike
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

He's Lying

I am a repressed TV-watcher
who, after spending the day
staring at my monitor, goes
home and stares at the idiot
box for hours. I do find some
redemption in reading while
on the toilet, and of course
reading Suck while I should
be working (even when my boss
is standing 10 feet away). I
just want you to know that
your article helped with some
of my repression. I'm a bit
more open now. I might even,
one day, feel all right about
owning a 42" Mitsubishi with
DVD, satellite mini-dish,
surround-sound hookup, VCR,
six remote controls, and a
love seat.

Eyes Sore

As we all know, the only thing
wrong with television is that
you can't really watch it on
the toilet, nor while you're
on the toilet, for that
matter (though we admit
much of the programming is
the shit). The only thing we
don't like about television
(as opposed to what's
inconvient about it) is that
it's become increasingly
difficult to avoid reading
while watching television.
Have you seen Pop Up Video
these days? Almost as much
information as a People

Fish With Letter Icon

James, you're dead-on. It's
like when Gilligan was tuning
in the radio on his fillings.
Or when Kotter had the
Sweathogs over and treated
them with respect. Or when
Johnny Fever's reaction time
improved when he got likkered
up. My point (and I do have
one) is this: Television is
the only thing Americans have
ever had in common with each
other. I stood in a
restaurant with a kid just
out of high school and a guy
who was 20 years older
than I talking about a
Beverly Hillbillies episode.
The generations were united,
albeit briefly. TV rocks.
Jethro (emerging from plane
just landed at Heathrow):
"Lafayette, we is here!"
Ellie: "That's France,
dummy!" Jethro: "Oh." (He
turns and heads back into the
plane.) That's about as good
as it gets.


Ah, yes, television is
America's scrap book. Albeit
one with most of our poor
relations and, er, black
sheep, cut out.

Fish With Letter Icon

He's Lying

Señor Bong-

I dug your column today - a
lot, actually - but I
absolutely have to chide you
on the rape and murder bit. I
suspect this isn't the only
mail you'll get re: the same.

Tossing the blame for rape and
murder over your shoulder so
it lands on all those "evil
motherfuckers" is exactly as
pat and foolish as blaming it
on the idiot box. Scribble
this in your margin: What is
an evil motherfucker, and how
is one produced? Because evil
motherfuckers are produced,
if not with as much aplomb as
an ABC ad campaign. Talking
about ways - any ways - that
we might produce fewer rapists
and murderers: That is not
contemptible speech. You
sound as if you're either too
lazy or frightened to divide
it from the nonsense-rhetoric
of the Down with Television
camps. Asking us to toss our
tubes for their violence may
be ridiculous, but asking us
why we get so much pleasure
from watching those rapes and
murders.... I think that
question gets pretty serious
pretty quickly.

Damian Hess

We scribble a lot of things in
the margin, but usually no
one can read our handwriting.
Your missive, however, reads
quite clearly and its points
are hard to refute. The
debate as to whether evil
mofos are born or made will
probably continue long after
they're all tagged and
branded for easy
identification. Of course, by
then, we'll all be
electronically tethered. At
the moment, we're still
technically free, and the
only things keeping more evil
mofos from raising hell is
that they don't want to miss
Home Improvement.

Fish With Letter Icon

I'm wearing Eagle sneakers,
and no, these are thrift-shop

C. Holland

You don't care about fashion,
after all.... You're above

Fish With Letter Icon

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