The Fish
for 6 August 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

The Uses of Enchantment

A fascinating expression of
postpubescent angst. People
are responsible for their own
actions. I do not villify the
youth, I condemn the ACTIONS
of the individual.
Accountability ... regardless
of age OR origin. Deprived
childhood. My heart bleeds,
along with the victims
wounds. You write well,
though. ;-}

The Voice of Reality.

Hey, Voice - good to get
something in writing from
you, as I usually only hear
you in my head.

I'm all for accountability, of
course. Attempting to
understand why someone does
something horrific and even
trying to understand what
larger issues surround her or
his actions doesn't mean we
should pretend everything's
forgiven ... or that we're
not a little bit guilty, too.


Fish With Letter Icon


As usual, another brilliant
article. Most of the
headline-grabbing horrors
that bedevil America can be
traced to a simple inability
of our society to confront
ambiguity. The cover of this
week's Time is a Napoleonic
head shot of Gianni Versace -
momentarily I thought Versace
had been named Time's Man of
the Year. Actually, he's just
been canonized by a country
that cannot afford to face
the reality of a pissed-off
sociopath with a vendetta
against the wealthy gay men
whose circle he could never
join. Andrew Cunanan is not
the devil. He is a bit like
most of us, actually;
confused, desperate,
starstruck, and largely
insignificant in the grand
scheme of things. (I can
almost hear Bret Easton Ellis
laughing his ass off about
the Versace murder. Of
course, Ellis is demonized
exactly because of his
appreciation for this kind of
ambiguity, for acknowledging
the difficulty with
separating atrocity from the
nuts and bolts of everyday

That's why it's important that
we start telling kids early
that it's a jungle out there.
Babies get strangled in
bathrooms because teenagers
cannot comprehend that their
promised life of school, job,
success, glory, etc. may be
jeopardized at any stage by
such absurdities as
pregnancy. The mind cannot
fathom this - because it was
never part of their sanitized
fairy tales, their prince was
never wearing an ill-fitting
cummerbund - and so the
unthinkable happens. The
unthinkable happens because
we made it unthinkable in the
first place. Had it been
thinkable, it might have been

Keep up the good work.

Daniel Morris
Assistant Editor, PC Gamesi magazine

Your point about the need to
introduce ambiguity to kids
is a good one, because if we
avoid telling ghost stories
at bedtime, the bogeyman just
turns up later on CNN. The
Versace murder, the
ped-necrophilia of the Jon
Benet case, the deadpan chill
of Paradise Lost, the 24-hour
Hitler festival that used to
be the History Channel, all
the docutrauma of the evening
headlines make American
look like, well, a
fairy tale. Speaking of which
- I heard the woman behind
the feminist fable I Shot
Andy Warhol
will be taking a
stab at filming Easton's
simultaneously numbing and
nauseating novel.

Looking forward to the


Fish With Letter Icon

Tomorrowland's Parties

Just a tidbit of Disneyland
lore from the "Politically
Incorrect" file, gleaned from
my father, who worked at WED
(the Disney "imagineers")
from the late '50s on.

When the Jungle River Ride
first opened, you could buy
toy "spears" in the
neighboring gift shop. One
enterprising young black kid
one day bought a bunch of
spears, sneaked around to
opposite the "cannibal
village" area of the ride,
stripped down to his shorts,
swam across the "river" and
joined the animated
spear-brandishing savages -
and when the next boat came
by, began throwing his spears
in earnest at the tourists.

Can't remember whether the
story had him getting caught
by Park security - my father
was never too comfortable
talking about that aspect of

Best, David Sewell U of Arizona

Seems like culture hacking for
beginners always starts at
Disneyland, ends with someone
calling security, and is
accompanied by a caveat.
Thanks for the story.

Fish With Letter Icon

I visited Disneyland when I
was 7 - this was major
because I lived in kansas. I
went with my aunt, who lived
in Oxnard. She had an orange
tree in her backyard, which
was major because all I had
at home was a mulberry tree,
and mulberries are hard and
sour. When I got there it was
raining, and the streets were
like canals. I assumed that
it would be sunny at
disneyland, but it wasn't. My
aunt tried to cheer me but by
saying that we were lucky
because there wouldn't be as
many people there on a rainy
day. We parked so far away
that you couldn't see
anything except parking lots,
and my aunt told me that we
should eat before going
because it would be a while
before we got there, to the
rides, you know. While we
were eating in the car, w/
the windows up since it was
raining, she told me that she
knew one of the Goofies. One
of the Goofies . . . that
seemed so strange to me. her
exact words were: "Hey! Guess
what? I know Goofy! Or, one
of them, at least . . ." and
I tried to remember if I'd
ever seen two Goofies
standing side by side.
Eventually we began the long
commute, from parking lot to
gate, and all I remember
after that was freezing my
ass off inside It's a Small
World, and my aunt scaring
the crap out of some woman in
that house where the floor
drops slowly by saying:
"Wait, this isn't supposed to
happen." She asked about the
Goofies a couple of times,
and later she approached one
of them while holding onto my
hand and saying: "Hey,
Darren, man . . . is that
you?" It wasn't. A couple of
years ago, I went home for
xmas. My aunt was visiting
too, and we went out and got
really drunk. I somehow ended
up telling her about taking
mushrooms at Graceland, and
she countered by telling me
about taking acid at
Disneyland. "Wait a second,"
I said, "this wouldn't be
around 1979, would it?" after
a couple of minutes of
reflection, she said: "Uhh,
umm. No, it must have been
after that."

She didn't happen to mention
some high jinks at the Jungle
River Ride, did she?

Fish With Letter Icon

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