The Fish
for 31 July 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Suckism Sucks

I like Suck. I like the
masthead (Suckhead), the
typeface (Suckface), the
pithy handles your writers
dream up (Suckstaff), and the
self-deprecating asides to
drugs and unemployment and
the hand that feeds you
(Suckbarbs). Hell, I even
like the way you yank the
skate laces of the Canadian
populace (SuckCanuck). But
through all this I have one
nagging doubt: If I like Suck
and it turns out that Suck
really sucks, am I a sucker?
Or just another Sucker?

Warren Fick

Suckstaff say that those who
read and like Suck are
"Sucksters." Those who refer
to themselves as "Sucksters"
are "Suckers." Those who
don't trust themselves and
think it might "turn out"
that Suck really sucks are
"suckers": pathetic and
desperately wanting for

Now it's back to the crack
pipe before our Masters at
Wired knock over this
elaborate house of cards and
send us out on the streets
where we belong....

Fish With Letter Icon

Might Magazine

Hey suckheads,

I saw your thing on Might
magazine who were so kind as
to publish my first-ever
article in their
second-to-last issue. Might
was the kind of thing that
was too good to be true - not
only was a magazine surviving
in San Francisco, but it was
the best thing since Adam
Rich's death. I'm glad
Might's dead - it scared me.
It scared me bad.

Eliot Van Buskirk

Hey, we're a magazine
surviving in San Francisco
... or is that the crack pipe
talking? Anyway, you should
know that anyone who calls us
"suckheads" and/or refers to
his/her inside knowledge of
Might is a "sucka," see also
"Gonna Get You, Sucka."

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: The death of Might

Say it isn't so! Is Might
really dead? I mean, I knew
they were asking for money
even more desperately than
ever before, but....

Damn, damn, damn.

Are they going to refund my

Mindy Matter

Of course they will. Sucka.

Fish With Letter Icon

Phone Home

I was wondering if
you'd tell me which aspects
of the Laws of Physics you
interpret as proof that
inter-planetary travel and
life on hospitable planets is
impossible. I mean, seeing as
how we live on a rock in
space covered in gasses and
interstellar dirt ... and
there are so many more rocks
in space.... Cogito Ergo Sum
(at least I think I am)

Right. Rocks in space, like
Pigs in Space. Real simple.
We apologize.

Fish With Letter Icon



I want to take issue with the
Mother White Meat article.
Why did you limit the white
wannabe gangsta age group you
made fun of to under 16? Have
all the wwbg's over 16
suddenly accquired a dignity
and legitimacy that I'm not
aware of? It's not like most
of them have moved out of the
house yet. The only
difference I can see between
the two age groups is that
the over 16 crew have less
patchy toughguy goatees and
look only slightly less silly
in their detailed Hyundais
(complete with booming bass
system that cost twice the
value of the car) than the
under 16 wwbg's do riding on
bikes (complete with boom box
dangling from the

On the other hand, my friend
Travis supports your effort
to raise the consciousness of
white parents everywhere. He
himself does his best to
raise consciousness among
wwbgs across our great land.
Travis, who, for all intents
and purposes, is black, likes
to raise the consciousness of
his white Yacub devil
brothers by driving up to
(but not by) a crew of wwbgs,
rolling down his window,
calling them a "bunch of
n****rs," and then pelting
them with eggs. He feels that
this helps legitimize their
gangsta rebellion by giving
them a "Man" who "keeps them
down." After all, what is a
rebellion without an

Jim Coley

That's a good question for
Green Day, anyway.

By the way, what, exactly,
does it mean to be black "for
all intents and purposes"?
Are you talking about your
own intents and purposes, as
in, because you're friends
with Travis, you're keeping
it real and so on, and are
thus better than the white
boys you dis?

Just asking.

Fish With Letter Icon

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