The Fish
for 28 July 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Doesn't Hurt Me a Bit

A suiting punishment for mass
murderers (or any murderers)
is the biography. (In
addition to life
imprisonment, which is
assumed.) The lives of those
killed by the murderer are
usually quite invisible to
him/her. In my opinion, every
life taken should be
recorded, in detail, by the
murderer. A book written on
each victim. This would
include interviews with the
surviving families and
friends (should they be

The murderer is then held to a
recounting of each life taken
and an eventual realization
of the scope of his/her
crime. Do you think McVeigh
really understands what he
has done?

John K. Lewis

That's a good idea in an ideal
world. Gianni Versace's
murderer might even get a
pretty nice book deal out of
it. But if most people can't
get around to writing a book
no matter how hard they try,
do you really think we can
force criminals to do so?

Maybe it makes more sense to
flood murderers with
information on the people
they killed - make them sit
through slide shows, home
videos, tearful interviews
with family members.... It
would amount to torture for
some. Of course, for others,
it would probably just elicit
a good laugh. Do we really
want to know either way?

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: You are stupid

OK, maybe you are not stupid,
but who gives a fuck either
way? I fail to see your
point, and for good reason:
You did not make it clear
(maybe I am just dumb). I
think you were restating the
incredibly hackneyed bit
about how fake violence
desensitizes the incredibly
stupid populace, who cannot
decipher real from imaginary,
from real violence. I just
watched Jackie Chan's First
a couple of weeks ago,
and I laughed my ass off as
Jackie opened can after can
of whupass. On my way home I
could not avoid hitting a
rabbit. I got physically ill.
My point, as if it is not
painfully clear, is that
entertainment does not create
the capacity to be violent;
the capacity already exists.
Then again, your work could
have been a satire. It was
poorly written, or I am dumb.
One thing is clear: The
Internet is about porn and/or
bullshit, not violence.

Ladonna Machalukname

Hmm. Either our work's poorly
written or you're dumb....
We've met more dumb people
than we've written dumb
things, so we'll go with the
latter explanation. But then,
maybe we can't decipher the
imaginary (email) from the
real (mail in white envelopes
with stamps and dates). After
all, we read your email and
laughed our asses off, and
then got a real letter from
an old high school friend. We
got physically ill. Your
point was somewhat painful,
but maybe not painful enough
to be real to us. One thing
is clear: Porn and bullshit
have nothing to do with
violence - or the Internet,
because the Internet is
imaginary! We fail to see our
point, which follows, since
we're dumb.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Huh?

What is Suck? I've visited the
site several times and the
theme (purpose, idea, goal,
audience, whatever ...)
escapes me. There's lots of
interesting and/or
entertaining and/or fun
tidbits but no (that I can
see) consistency. Somebody
fill me in. If I'm just a dim
bulb don't hesitate to
enlighten me on that one too.


Q: How many responses in The
Fish does it take to change a
dim lightbulb?

A: What the hell do you mean
by that?

Fish With Letter Icon


Dear Mr Huck,

I enjoyed your piece about
prison technology, and was
reminded of a film called
Ghosts of the Civil Dead. It
was a low-budget Australian
effort from about 10 years
ago, set in an automated
prison complex not unlike the
ones that Sony is busy

The end of the film sees the
prison's most violent and
brutalized inmate, fresh out
on parole, wandering the
platforms of a bright new
underground railway station.
Soothing MuzaK fills the air,
everything is painted pastel,
video cameras watch him
unobtrusively from the

And he realizes he's still
inside, along with the rest
of us.


Tim Macdonald

Substitute ambient music for
Muzak, day-glo paint for
pastel, and it sounds
suspiciously like someplace
we used to work ... or maybe
we still do.

Fish With Letter Icon

I read Suck from time to time.
It never fails to amaze me
the amount of stuff that you
can find to complain about.
Not you particularly, but you
in the collective sense. Of
course I've gone and started
this letter in a tone that
would make this whole concept
out like it was a bad thing,
so I'll stop doing that right

About the prisons. It's true,
the speed with which the
public/public officials have
snapped back into the mindset
that defined the French
Revolution is something to
behold. Of course what makes
all this so pathetic is that
fact that it's about as
surprising as seeing It's a
Wonderful Life
on TV around
Xmas time. The list of
hallmarks associated with a
corroded soul could very
easily begin with the patent
inability to not stare at
someone else.

Of course, it's also worth
mentioning that there was
recently(?) a civil suit
brought to my attention, I'm
sure you've heard all about
it, I've seen that nothing
this ridiculous seems to
escape your attention.... Man
attempts to break into a
couple's nice suburban home
to rob them blind. In the
process of this attempted
break-in, he steps on a
skylight and tumbles his way
to a broken leg. He
subsequently sues this couple
for improperly lighting the
skylight and wins.

Now I'm not saying that the
Eye of Big Brother carefully
watching every drop of piss
that moves in a prison cell
is totally necessary, but
then bear in mind that you
have a collection of
criminals on your hands not
all of whom are stupid and
all of whom have at least at
one point in their life had a
lawyer - albeit maybe not
much of one.

Basically the equation goes
like this: Prison is afraid
prisoner might attempt to sue
them after he is shot in the
leg after killing three
guards in a failed escape
attempt. Prison has set up
video cameras covering every
square inch of facility to
prove that said prisoner
walked in front of the bullet
in an unlawful attempt to
gain undue financial

Stupidity and Stupidity
equals even more Stupidity -
but then I get the impression
that this is what the whole
publication is all about.

Anyway, I thought I would

Carolina Commission of
Concerned Weirdos

So, as a Concerned Weirdo, you
mean to bring to our
attention, via an epic poem,
that a stupid mythical
example justifies an endless
list of policies that go far
beyond stupid, right?

Thanks for sharing, Stupid.

Suck: Because Stupidity and
Stupidity Equals Even More

Fish With Letter Icon

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