The Fish
for 24 July 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

How Do Rumors Get Started?

Why is it that Terry Colon's
artwork isn't given credit
except when accompanied by
Polly Esther's writing? Are
they an item or something?

Alan Smith

Codepedency is chicken soup
for the soul. That's all
we'll say at this time.

Fish With Letter Icon

Watching the Directives

Subject: Poopy Pants

I suppose, based on your
cynical exposé of
juxtaposition, that you have
yet to experience the thrill
of synchronicity. Easy for
someone who believes in
nothing to dismiss such
occurences as wishful

We are not really talking
about "our need to bring
certain texts to life." The
real issue here, IMHO, is
sour grapes. The emptiness of
your cynicism is used here to
cast doubt on what is
ultimately a transcendental,
spiritual human experience,
one you are apparently not
available to.

What are you afraid of?

Terren Suydam

Poopy pants, mostly.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: You

Hi there Joey,

I was up way late the other
night and I saw this PBS show
about the Net and content and
stuff, and there you were.

I thought you were pretty
good-looking. You're probably
asking yourself "can't this
guy find someone in his own
city?" Well, you've got the
right combination of looks
and intelligence that is hard
to find in Los Angeles.
Intelligence alone is hard to
find in LA at all.

So, if you like guys or wanna
give it a try, email me.

<Name Withheld>

While looks are obviously
pretty subjective, we still
think you should consider
having your TV checked out
for possible image-distortion

Besides, can't you find
someone in your own city?

Poopy pants!

Fish With Letter Icon

Mad about Mad Canadians

Subject: Enough with the
fucking Canucks

I think we can all agree that
Canada is the place where the
United States gets its Cuban
cigars and the United States
is the place to go for guns
and crack. So back to
something (anything!) other
than more letters whining
about Canadian/American
identity, please. Or at least
back to some snide, insulting
Suckster comments to temper
the boredom. Word up.

Steven M Pecsenye

Well, Steven, does seeing your
name in print temper the
boredom at all?

Fish With Letter Icon

Given your Canadian triumph, a
penetrating revelation on
Apple must be next. Will you
run the inevitable irate
replies for 10-12 weeks?

David George

You can bet on it.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: So Stop!

Enough already, stop the
inanity. What's the point
you're trying to make
repeatedly showing us staunch
US Suck citizenry that you've
greatly miffed a bunch of
crazies from the northern
reaches? Close the borders,
keep the snowbirds at home,
declare war (it would be
shorter than Grenada anyway),
jam their TV's and their
browsers, do anything, but
desist in publishing their
rants. Better yet, publish
another great article
demonstrating their legendary
shortcomings (remind them
that for some Americans
Vietnam was a better choice)
and then don't print any
responses at all. I beg you.

David George

You're right. We like
repeatedly showing staunch US
Suck citizenry that we've
greatly miffed staunch US
Suck citizenry even better.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Stop the whining!

Isn't Suck supposed to be for
entertainment purposes, to
play devil's advocate, and
make fun of virtually
everything? If not, my
reading comprehension has
taken a horrible downturn. To
all you whining slobs who
write in and bash the
articles' facts and figures -
Get Bent! This isn't fucking
Businessweek (note the
cartoon characters)!

Chris Talmadge

Come on, stupidhead, doesn't
everyone have the right to
take everything and everyone
(including themselves) too

But then, maybe we're just
reveling in our right to
play devil's advocate and
make fun of you for
entertainment purposes.

Who's this Bent, guy, by the
way - you know, we're hiring
a fact-checker....

Fish With Letter Icon

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