The Fish
for 22 July 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Mr. Softie

What happened, my Net
connection goes down for a
week and you guys stop
snidely replying in the Fish?
Aside from your articles
becoming insipidly boring for
the most part, with a major
lack in the humor department,
I looked forward to the
verbal whipping you used to
do to your readers/suckers....

Todd McGuinness

Gee, sorry Todd, but maybe
we're trying to develop just
a wee smidgen of maturity.
It's been almost two full
years now, did you honestly
think that the bile would
never run out? Wake up and
smell the positivity, buddy.
Rebellion and ironic
detachment are vestiges of a
pre-Prozac era, and seem
embarrassingly devil-may-care,
born-to-raise-hell in nature,
sharing more with the
mentality of an angry chimp
than with, say, a reasonably
stable human being. Nowadays
kids are smoking cigars, guy,
and the only people who share
your thirst for unnecessary
vitriol are preteens cursed
with unsightly premature body
hair and alcoholic former
hair-band members.

But, hell, if you want to
continue living in your own
little insipidly boring
with-a-rebel-yell world, who
are we to stop you?

So fuck off, already.

Actually, that felt sort of
tingly. Maybe you're right.
Now you can fuck off.

Fish With Letter Icon

Dies Irae Cont.

Suck's made me laugh out loud
twice now. Not bad for two
years' work.

Both happened whilst scanning
The Shit - this very daily's
equivalent of the Burning Man
bumpersticker or a
prominently displayed copy of
Infinite Jest - always
reading rather like, "I'm
getting older and no one
appreciates me any more and
though I no longer really
count, I mean now that Carl
has we're as cutting-edge as
a Safeway kitchen knife, at
least I can buy some edge
with these here T-shirts."
Actually, it reads more like
a comb-over on a late-career
critic, but anyway....

The first time was when The
Shit (oh, that title will
never get tired) listed
Barbara Gowdy's book We So
Seldom Look on Love
at the
very same time that the sad,
misfired we-have-no-
material-so- let's-go-with-
Canada-bash appeared.
Apparently no one bothered to
look into the fact that
Barbara Gowdy is, uh,

The second time was about 30
seconds ago when I noticed
that Baffler No. 9 was deemed
Shitty. I met Tom Frank in
Chicago a while back (I think
the party was even mentioned
in The Shit - at Lounge Ax or
something?), and, over a
beer, I brought up Suck,
since you seem to mention him
or his rag daily. He groaned,
"Piece of shit." and we moved
on. Though later he did point
out that your most recent
editor had tried to write for
him once, and that apparently
it was clear early on that,
"There wasn't much there."

Oh, and it might be time to
rehire the fact-checker,
should budget allow. The
Globe and Mail is in fact
published in Toronto.

Thanks for the laughs.

Dean Allen

Ooo, you sure got the goods on
us, didn't you? We don't have
a fact-checker, but you can
tell our pal Tom that the
position is open, should he
tire of reheating
quasi-socialist leftovers for
the self-fellating self-conscious
semi-intellectual set. He'll
even get paid!

In any case, since you seem to
care (in that knowing,
no-I-don't-really care way),
the Baffler No. 9 is not, in
fact, The Shit. The article
on internships, is, however
and maybe you and many others
are able to wade through the
leftist travelog that's
surrounding it.

Fish With Letter Icon

more prozac for ann you must
take large bong hits tastier
by far ... and curse the
habit of conformity render
unto caesar domesticity and
divest of value comfort in
the name of satan all values

<Name Withheld>

Are you referring to the
old formula of uncomfortably stoned
nonconformists shunning
domesticity in the name of
Satan, or are you suggesting
a bong hit followed by a
Caesar salad but never in the
comfort of your own home?
Either way, we're already

Fish With Letter Icon

Hey -

Just a little after-the-fact

Xanax is not an SSRI.... It is
an anxiolytic
(benzodiazepine) comparable
to Valium, Ativan, or
Klonipin. If anyone started
popping their roommate's
Xanax hoping for a little
butt-kick out of a
depression, they would be
quite disappointed.

The others you mentioned -
Effexor, Zoloft, Paxil - are
very similar to Prozac in
chemistry and neurological
action. You were right there.

I work at a psychiatric
hospital ... and while I see
uncontestable proof of the
benefits of these drugs on a
daily basis, even for
symptoms other than
depression ... you have to
wonder.... Mainstream
advertising? Zoinks!

"I got my marriage back!" ...
Hah. Often, people finally
give their jerky spouses the
heave-ho after years of a
crappy relationship after
coming out of depression. "I
got my shit together!" is
more like it.

Ever been taken out to dinner
as a guest of a
pharmaceutical drug company?
And people wonder why drugs
cost so friggin' much.

Stephen Blais

Do those pharmaceutical drug
company dinner packages come
with free samples?

Oh, ha ha. Just kidding. Heh.

Fish With Letter Icon

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