The Fish
for 7 July 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Subject: Canadian backlash

Your Canadian readers may have
reacted vehemently to your
feature on Canada, but surely
your reaction to their
reaction was an
over-reaction? Forty-three
letters, and you compile a
mountain of statistics, and
respond to individual
allegations in a separate
feature. Protesting too much,
I think?

Please slag off the English
next - it'd cheer the Celts
up no end.

Jenny Delaney

You're gonna love the next
week of reader mail....

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Your pathetic attempt
at intellectualism

Well, I read your little essay
on the Great White North. I'm
not going to pretend to be
shocked or outraged. The
truth of the matter is that
I, as a Canadian, am used to
hearing such drivel. What I
do find to be most offensive
however, is the manner in
which you pass it off as some
sort of indisputable,
academic truth. You're a
pseudo-intellectual fool,
Eugen. If I thought for a
moment that your argument was
based on some sort of
anthropological premise, then
I would be less critical.


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Canada gets Warm

Hello,'re pretty
bitter. We, as Canadians, do
understand that there isn't a
very large difference between
cultures. That is why what we
have left is guarded so

Maybe you're a little
sheltered? Could that be why
you are the only person in
eight years that I've heard
mention something about the
MacKenzie Brothers? And I
don't even know what Porky's
is.... Perhaps you are more
familiar with Canadian
culture than I am? But I
doubt it.

In any case, to any other
nationality, the article
might have been funny. But I
found it ignorant. I forgive
you. You are American.

Ashlea Wells weezie

Thought-provoking opinion
piece, to say the least. Many
interesting ideas that bear
further investigation and a
prolonged bout of navel
gazing, but I'd like to pass
along one small request to
the author of the piece.

If you, as an American
participating in an
international forum
atmosphere on the Web, would
like to continue to seek my
business, my "awful little
coins" and dollar-that-isn't-
really-a-dollar for American
business, drop the
ass-kicking attitude and
treat me with the respect any
customer deserves. Canadians
provide a convenient
ready-made market for many of
your products, at an
attractive exchange rate you
so politely referred to.
There's a whole big world out
there beyond your borders -
and we're just one of many
nations conversing on the
Web. In spite of the many
valid questions the article
in question brings up, what
really becomes most evident
through reading it is not the
perceived faults of
Canadians, but the writer's
myopic view of a world around
him that's grown bigger than
his vision can accommodate.
Suck should purchase Mr.
Eugen von Bohm-Bawerk an
industrial size pair of
Coke-bottle glasses and give
him a shove out into the real

Laurie McConnell, Canadian

Fish With Letter Icon

You haven't a clue about
Canada you stupid fuck.

Music Mart Pro Staff

Just a note to say how much I
enjoyed both articles on
Canada. I was in Calgary last
summer, and while the local
ethically challenged may not
like US culture, they are not
afraid of some historically
gentle European cultures. At
least they sure as hell liked
the emblem on my old

Other areas in which they lead
the US: the number of
blood-sucking insects per
capita, and the lovely way in
which they whine about how
lucky we are to be able to
buy so much for so little
with our US dollars.


Steven W. Swarthout

Fish With Letter Icon

The Bull Jar

Dorothy Allison definitely
rocked the house. What were
you thinking? Jesus.

Joey Manley

Hint: I was comparing her, as
a writer, to Anicka Rodman.

The dictionary calls this:
"The use of words to convey
the opposite of their literal
meaning." I looked closely
for evidence that you were
doing the same, and am still
not sure.

You rock the house, though, I
swear. If I'm ever in a bar
and hear someone bad-mouthing
Bastard Out of Carolina, I'll
steer 'em your way.


Fish With Letter Icon

Funny I should find this
column in my e-mail. I just
picked up Harlan Ellison's
Edgeworks 3 and prepared my
psyche for some good ole'
intellectual battery acid.
God know, I may have to get
something to read via
recycling, but it's better
than most of the crap
(re:Sturgeon's Law) out
there. Most of the time, it
still beats whatever's on TV.
On second thought, maybe I'll
just pick up my Devil's
and have a go at

Curt Masemore

If you're looking for
"intellectual battery acid,"
you might have a look at
Chicken Soup For the Soul or
Life's Little Instruction
two blasts of pure fire
from the ramparts. Or try
Everything I Need to Know I
Learned In Kindergarten
- if
you dare.

Oh, and hang in there on the
TV thing - rumor is Disney's
rolling out the all-new Suck
Channel on cable this summer.
Yow! Hot!


Fish With Letter Icon


Whilst the travails of you
dear Suck contributors never
fails to amuse me, despite
the time I devote to reading
a Suck column now averaging
something like 23 seconds, I
do have a hair to split with
you over your use of the word
parturition. It really is far
too gynaecological for use in
this context: perhaps, as a
Farancophile manque you were
thinking of the French
"parution" or appearance in
the sense of a publication.

Yours idly,


Note for future reference:
Don't tell people you spent
23 seconds reading their
stuff before you lecture them
about what they wrote. It's
like taking someone to bed
without asking their name.

Now. Suck - being, I believe,
50 percent girl - can NEVER
be "too gynecological," or
even "too gynaecological."
But it's an interesting

Your 23 seconds are up.


Fish With Letter Icon

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