The Fish
for 25 June 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

The Shit

Subject: New Prudential

I think co-opting the tagline
"Get Rocked!" from the movie
The Rock would provide the
screaming Mountain Dewdy sort
of in-your-face-until-you-
irreverance that they think
we want to see.

Personally, I think the
Playtex people are blowing it
by not stealing the "If it
doesn't get all over the
place ..." campaign from
Carl's Jr.


David Isbister

Oof. Ouch. Ooo. Yuck. Ugh.

Fish With Letter Icon

Mat Dancing

So who's faking it? Why the
National seal of the USA and
pretty blue curtains? What's
with all those chairs that
remain in the place they
began? The ultimate
media-information will be the
tag-team press confrence. The
decor is as it always is, but
it is held in a cage. It
starts out with the
run-of-the-mill questions,
but when things get hotter,
out come the body-blows!
Press members select two at a
time to "ask questions" while
the interviewees select two
others to "field" the
questions. All the asking is
done by shouting while dogging
(or charging head-on) the
brutal opponent trying to
"pry" the truth out or
"protect" their credibility.
Who cares if the truth was
obtained by excessive force,
isn't that what we want
anyway...? Truth?

Just a thought,

Lee Azzarello

Beats me what they really want
Leo, except for us to really
believe that they do want
something (i.e., that they
really want the truth), fake
as it is, you know? I think
they're more interested in
the idea of conflict and
action when there is none,
à la wrestling, and
making it seem like not only
is there news but that they
report it like it actually


Fish With Letter Icon

America's Slowing Down

Subject: Tease me again with
that Canada stuff.

Oh you Americans, I'm so sick
of you. You can take your Tom
Clancy attitude and drive it
right out of town. Speaking
of driving, you overlooked
the fact that in CART, your
premier autorace series,
Canadians have won the last
races in a row! And then
we pull you out from behind
the wheel, and have to drag
your sorry ass down the 150
metre track - oh gosh, what's
wrong Mr. Johnson? Pulled a
hammie? I tell you, America's
slowing down; getting all fat
and flabby.

Bryan Mavrow

Michael Jordan.

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The Shit

Subject: Bastards!

How dare you list crystalized
ginger in The Shit. I found
out about this great treat
about a month ago at Rainbow.
I went in last week and it
was out of stock. Now wannabe
hipsters will consume the
nation's supply, making it
impossible to obtain by
old-skool crystalized ginger
consumers like myself. May
you choke on dried mango.

Adelaide Hulbert

Sometimes demand actually
increases supply, Adelaide.
Look at cocaine, for
instance. Soon, you may be
able to get crystalized
ginger from any street vendor
in the country, and guess who
you'll have to thank? You're

Fish With Letter Icon

I hate Anthony Robbins, Amway,
Equinox and Tupperware
parties, so I love Suck!

Marty Chandler

Watch it! You may have
inadvertently pushed up the
popularity and hence the
availability of Tony, Amway,
Equinox, and Tupperware
parties. Next time, keep it
to yourself.

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