The Fish
for 24 June 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

America's Slowing Down

Subject: Tease me again with
that Canada stuff.

Oh you Americans, I'm so sick
of you. You can take your Tom
Clancy attitude and drive it
right out of town. Speaking
of driving, you overlooked
the fact that in CART, your
premier autorace series,
Canadians have won the last
races in a row! And then
we pull you out from behind
the wheel, and have to drag
your sorry ass down the 150
metre track - oh gosh, what's
wrong Mr. Johnson? Pulled a
hammie? I tell you, America's
slowing down; getting all fat
and flabby.

Bryan Mavrow

Michael Jordan.

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The Shit

Subject: Bastards!

How dare you list crystalized
ginger in The Shit. I found
out about this great treat
about a month ago at Rainbow.
I went in last week and it
was out of stock. Now wannabe
hipsters will consume the
nation's supply, making it
impossible to obtain by
old-skool crystalized ginger
consumers like myself. May
you choke on dried mango.

Adelaide Hulbert

Sometimes demand actually
increases supply, Adelaide.
Look at cocaine, for
instance. Soon, you may be
able to get crystalized
ginger from any street vendor
in the country, and guess who
you'll have to thank? You're

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I hate Anthony Robbins, Amway,
Equinox and Tupperware
parties, so I love Suck!

Marty Chandler

Watch it! You may have
inadvertently pushed up the
popularity and hence the
availability of Tony, Amway,
Equinox, and Tupperware
parties. Next time, keep it
to yourself.

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Toukin' about a Revolution...

Too bad I missed the article
on Canada last month. I read
the responses today. Most of
them were bullshit,
especially the ones about
politeness (witness Bailey
vs. Johnson:
brash Canadian
whoops sportsmanlike
American's ass!) but you can
add a statistic to your list:
Number of Suck specials
claiming spelling errors in
Canadian responses,
themselves containing glaring
spelling errors: 1. Even
smoking your Webster's
homegrown green, toque is
spelled with 'que', not 'uk',

Mark Ambachtsheer
<maambach@ undergrad.math.>

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I'm not going to rant and
rave. Many of your points
were accurate, if hyperbolic
and a bit overstated. Anyone
who reads Suck should
understand that hyperbole is
in the style guide (kidding).
However, the comment about
Canadian culture at its
finest giving you Porky's was
a little much. Belittle
Canada if you must (many of
us Canucks do), but please
don't belittle the
achievements of noteworthy
Canadians. Ours is the
country that gave the world
Glen Gould, Douglas Coupland
... and Richie Hawtin, but I
don't think he's got the same
kind of international respect

Oh, and by the way, it's
Toque, not Touk.

eh, Andrew White

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That's "touque" you dumbass


Number of Canadians who wrote
to tell us it's "Toque, not
Touk": 10

Number of Canadians who wrote
to tell us it's "Touque, not
Touk": 4

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