The Fish
for 19 June 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Loaded with Options

I, long ago worked at Radio
Shack under a Commission
Sales agreement, US$3.30 an
hour plus the commissions.
Not bad during the X-mas
season. But it sucked
big-time the rest of the
year. Seems the bull market
is the X-mas season. Just
wait until they have to live
through the bear market on
commission sales.... I will
have my revenge.

Speaking of X-mas, the end of
the bull market will be
signaled by the decline of
X-mas as profitable time.
More revenge.... But watch
out for collapse of the
transportation system.

You have a nice read. Keep the
edge and point sharp.

David A. Dorney

Your note reminded me of the
summer I spent in an ice
cream truck. When it was
discovered by my supervisor
that I was making about $1.50
an hour (and that didn't
include the cost of inventory
I was eating myself while I
worked), I was given a
one-way bus ticket home
(which I used to buy a cold
pint of beer, and hitchhiked

The opposite of a budding
young Ovitz or Eisner, I
never put one-and-one
together and offered "adult
treats" to the strange young
men and women in Birkenstocks
who wandered up to the truck
with rolling papers and
cigarette lighters. So I
guess I was cut out for
gainful self-unemployment.
And I haven't had a Dove Bar
or a Chocolate Drummy for
years now....

E.L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

Well done, Skinner. It will be
interesting to see how many
CEOs send their vociferous
protestations. Want to bet
none? OK, maybe Ovitz will.
My ex-CEO at Generous
Dynamics substantially
increased shareholder value,
laid off fifty or sixty
thousand people, then sold
off the company for the
principal owners making them,
then himself and, get this,
26 other guys (no women)
really rich. Well, the truth
is he couldn't find buyers
for some divisions, so some
people actually still have
temporary jobs. And you know
how much it must bother them
to read criticism like yours?

David George

You're right: Eisner, Ovitz,
Coss, and the rest wouldn't
be where they are today if
they gave a crap what regular
folks think and do.

Unfortunately, a conscience
can waste a lot of space in
the wallet and on the books,
so it's included in the cost
of tuition for most MBAs....

- E.L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

Business Plans for Dummies

Enjoyed the article, but one
quick clarification. Dog
sweaters are often a very
necessary item for pet
owners. For example, I have a
whippet that has literally no
fat and only the sparsest
amount of hair on his body.
During Idaho's cold winter
months I actually have to use
a combination of sweater,
polar fleece coat, and head
and neck warmer to keep the
dog from going into
hypothermia when I take him
outside to get some exercise.

Andy Boise,

I don't know, Andrew: I used
to have lots of whippets and
they never needed sweaters.
But they did give me a cool
effect that made me want to
do more of them. My lips
sometimes turned blue, but
the closest I ever got to
hypothermia was when I passed
out in a cemetery at night,
and my friends left me for
dead. Maybe you're not using
yours correctly (hint - you
should ingest them orally).

yr pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Tristero trumpets ...

God, I love obscure Pynchon
references. Makes me feel
like I'm in the "in" crowd
even more than simply
visiting your site every day.

Ah, screw the "in" crowd shit,
I just love seeing obscure
Pynchon refs. It's those
obscure, unexplained
references that I think
Pynchon would love, as
opposed to explaining each
one ("You see, the trumpet is
a symbol in Pynchon's book
... and Tristero....")

Keep sucking,


Come on, Joe - the Tristero
horn is about the least
obscure Pynchon reference you
can make. And with Mason
& Dixon
now number four
on The Times' bestseller list
(probably destined to join
Foucault's Pendulum and A
Brief History of Time
on the
most-bought-least-read list),
it's hardly an "in-crowd"
thing. And if you've ever
seen real Pynchonians,
they're pretty scary. Make
you see why the author stays

Anyway I hope you're reading
Mason & Dixon. I was real
leery of 770 pages with no
hope of Slothropian
hipsterisms, but it kicks
butt from start to finish. A
full and complete recovery
from Vineland.

And that's three to make ready
now Gobar, go.

yr pal,


Fish With Letter Icon


Where exactly is that record
store? I'm in need of a

Suck-like citizen of SF,

Would love to help you out,
Doug, but I smell bacon.

However, since I'm outside
NYC, I can tell you there are
many of these places
sprinkled around the downtown
of America's greatest city.
Their modus operandi - which
involves determining your
trustworthiness through some
arcane method, then providing
you with a stamped card which
you're supposed to produce
each time you visit the store -
is sufficiently clubby and
discriminating that all these
stores are referred to
generically as "The Weed Club
for Men," though you'll have
to find their "official"
names yourself.

As I bear a distinct
resemblance to Jack Lord,
establishing trustworthiness
was always a problem.

In San Francisco, I understand
it's even easier, especially
since Prop 215. You just go
to the store and say, "Can I
have a bag? I got, like,
hives and shit."

Fish With Letter Icon

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