The Fish
for 4 June 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Over The Hump

Well, this sex-doll thing is
kind of strange. It is not
like a toy in the same sense
as a vibrator that becomes an
extension of the self. The
doll is a simulacrum of the
lowest level. It is pure
object, but it is not even a
form of cultural
totalitarianism. It is not a
product of the system or of
capital. It is a strange form
of narcissism, because, I
would assume, when one is
having sex with a doll, one
becomes even more aware of
one's own movements and
sounds. The silence of the
doll only heightens the sound
of the real person. One
becomes all too aware of
fucking something that is not
a person. Is this really the
point? And it is not really
masturbation, because the
object replaces the self as
the subject. In other words,
when you masturbate, the idea
is that you are having sex
with yourself, possibly
imagining you are with
someone else, but you are
still self-interested. With
the doll, you (as an object
of desire) are replaced by
the doll, a pure object. Now
that's creepy....

Peter Bebergal

You sound extremely familiar
with this subject. Define

Fish With Letter Icon

Wow. It's been a long time
since a Suck column has made
me feel torn between being
entertained and offended, but
the "Over the Hump" article
was really on the mark. This
is exactly the sort of thing
I started reading the Suck
for in the first place some
year and a half ago. It's
encouraging to know that you
haven't lost touch with the
fundamentals. And to think I
had considered not reading
Suck every day. Please
forgive my lapse of faith.

Chris Woody

P.S. Making relevant jokes
about the name would just be
too easy, so bag it, okay.

Well, we're always pleased to
hear that we're still
pleasing those woodies.

P.S. Going for the easy laugh
is one of those Suck
fundamentals, you should know

Fish With Letter Icon

I enjoyed your issue "Over the
Hump," regarding love dolls.
Although this comes
<heh> too late, I do
feel that the reference to
Michelangelo could have been
profitably replaced, or
expanded upon, by a reference
to Ovid's Metamorphoses.
Although, as I recall, the
statue built by Pygmalion is
animated by a prayer to Venus
(rather than, say, hiring
Archimedes as a consultant),
it is legitimately an ancient
Roman tale of a man
constructing his own
techno-mate. (And yes, G. B.
Shaw's play and the later
musical My Fair Lady are
based, rather loosely, on
this tale.)


Charles Tenney

It's always heartening to see
a good education put to bad
use. Thanks for the tip, and
let us know if your doll
starts talking back.

Fish With Letter Icon

Ha, ha.

I was watching a video based
on the "raw, confessional
letters of American writer
Maryse Holder," called A
Winter Tan.
The video cover
called her 91-minute whine a
"plunge from euphoria to
degradation, humorous
self-awareness to pathetic,
cringing supplication."

Other people's self-pity and
doll ownership is a great way
to be plunged into deep

In my country we have blow-up

Andrew Hart

Yeah, well, in our country, we
have nuclear capability.
Every culture has their own
area of expertise, huh?

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit and Run

"If They need to sic the vice
president's daughter on us,
you know something stinks."

Especially when she offers
tidbits like this:

"Although Usenet newsgroups -
a hotbed of discussion on the
topic - may be accessed by
members only,"

Maybe it works that way on the
Microsoft Network.

I don't engage in newbie
bashing, but she is trying to
pass herself off as a

Keep on Sucking,

David Dasinger

Hey, those Usenet memberships
can get pretty expensive.

Maybe if she just admitted she
was a complete hack with a
good connection then she'd be
immune to criticism. It works
for us.

Fish With Letter Icon

Irresistible Offer


I hope this is going to right

I am writing to ask you what
you are planning to do with
your domain name. It is my
understanding that you are a
vacuum cleaner company. Well
do you really think it's
appropriate to use the term
"suck" to refer to your
product? I'm sure you take
pride in your work, and would
not like it to be associated
with such an unrefined word.
I have been online for over
seven years and know that a
poorly chosen domain name can
affect your perception in the
online world.

So if you would agree, I can
purchase the domain name for
the price you paid, and offer
my services to help you
choose a new domain name that
is more appropriate.

Thank you, Bryce Celina

Something more "more
appropriate" than Suck? If
only there were such a

Fish With Letter Icon

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