The Fish
for 27 May 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

The Shit

I enjoy your site a great
deal, and was happy, as a
DJ/electronic music freak, to
see that you're checking Kool
Keith, acid breakbeat (Fatboy
Slim, whose whole album is
amazing ... it even has a
tune called "Michael
Jackson," and check Bentley's
Rhythm Ace if you like the
Fatboy, he's on Skint too),
and drumnbass (if you like DJ
Die, Roni Size and he have a
split 12" out on V
recordings). It's nice to see
someone in your office has
clicked to what's really
going on in music these days,
especially after the sheer
idiocy of your piece on Moby
(trip hop my ass!).

Do you have any plans to turn
your uniquely skewed vision
on the whole hyping of
"electronica" as "the next
big thing?" I would love to
see you skewer that! And if
you don't have any plans for
a column ... well, I know a
lot about the evolution of
electronic music and DJ
culture (if that's not an
oxymoron), and I'd work for
real, real cheap (i.e.,

Use your irony, Suck! Use it
as a force for good (or at
least a force for cheap
laughs at some chump's
expense - perhaps mine?)!

Keep on Sucking in the free

Bill Hileman aka DJ Payce tha
funkadelic devil mk II

Uh. Thanks for the compliments
(?). We're not sure who here
has "clicked to what's really
going on," but if we find the
punk, we'll be sure to thrash
him/her about and change the
channel. Check this: Free is
a little too cheap. Besides,
if you wrote for us for free,
that would make you look like
a chump. But that doesn't
mean we're gonna pay you,
either. Chump.

Fish With Letter Icon

Real Spots

Athletes are shit ... children
who never grew up and
couldn't hold a real job in
the real world. You're very
wrong: We don't idolize them,
many of us boycott everything
they stand for. Only the
moronic public idolizes them,
like the dumb redneck
crackers in Nascar who can't
even drive. Pathos unbridled.

John Shelley
'The Gardening Specialists'

Aha. And what do real men who
can hold a real job in the
real world do? Garden?

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit and Run

Dear Sucksters,

I have recently discovered
your site and enjoy reading
the articles. I particularly
like your two-dimensional
writing style (three
dimensional, if you count the
"width" of the columns) that
leads the reader to deeper
understanding though links.
However, in a recent article,
you used the word
"omphaloskepsis" without
bothering to elaboarate or
provide it with a link. I was
forced to use the Hypertext
Webster Interface

to learn:

omphaloskepsis n:
contemplation of one's navel

In the future, please do not
assume a minimum education
level for your readership.

Roger L Halsey

We don't assume a minimum
education level for our
readership, we fully expect
them to not understand a word we
say. Thanks for ruining
things, Roger. Now they'll
understand at least one word,
but maybe we can cut them off
at two. Not that it'll be
hard. Sometimes we don't even
understand what we're talking
about ourselves.

Just kidding. We did it to
piss you off.

Fish With Letter Icon

It's not enough to have my
mail to ""
bounced back to me twice
after complaining about the
reappearance of "omphalos" in
yesterday's column. You've
got to use "omphaloskepsis"
in today's column. This has
got to stop.

Are you reaching for a
"nubbins" of your very own? I
read Spy's mail-room column
in the late '80's. I know
nubbins. Omphalos is no
nubbins - it's way too
high-falootin' of a word to
be taken into the readers'
hearts. Please, please
reconsider your choice of

Nubbins forever,

Kara Catherwood

We're not trying to be taken
into our readers' hearts,
we're trying to piss you off,

Fish With Letter Icon

Smart Little Islands

Congrats, fellas,

You've restored my faith in
the Net by showing the rest
of the world that little
islands of intelligent sites
can and do exist in the
electronic sea of ghost
sites, bunk, and other
worthless crap. You've got
yourself a new reader (and
contributer for commentary
about movies if need be).

Todd Miller

Now how are we supposed to
take your flattery to heart
when you follow it up with an
offer to write? And how are
we supposed to take your
offer to write to heart when
you start out by flattering
us? That's not even to tackle
your use of "congrats" and

Fish With Letter Icon

Stinky Fish

I just got back from a
vacation, caught up on my
Suck via the archives - but
the old Fish links all point
at today's fresh Fish instead
of that day's fare. Now that
all the best writing is
appearing on the Fish page,
shouldn't you be archiving it
as well?

William Welch


Fish With Letter Icon

The Art of Self-Contradiction

Subject: Advances in Late

Dear Sucksters,

When I tuned in this morning
for my daily dose of Suck I
found, sitting side by side
at the bottom of my screen,
an ad for condoms and one for
TechShopper ("We waste money
so you don't have to"). The
use of one would surely
preclude the use of the
other. For years you have
been turning
self-contradiction into an
art form: admirable,
certainly, but nothing new.
Now, though, you have turned
it into advertising sales.
This, I think, represents a
real advance in Western
civilization. Keep up the
good work.


Jotham Parsons

We appreciate your
encouragement, JP. (Can we
call you JP?) But we really
haven't been doing this for
"years".... Seems like
decades though, haw haw haw.
At least in terms of our
tendency to throw out tired
jokes like old timers on
their sixth snifter. But
actually, our second birthday
comes up at the end of
August. Maybe by the end of
the year we'll even be

Anyway, thanks for recognizing
what a difference we're
making in the world.

Fish With Letter Icon

The Stuff -- it's a list of stuff we like

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