The Fish
for 20 May 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Producer

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker

 

Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor









	
Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

Tainted Love

Subject: Creeping
Commercialism?

I see now you're plugging the
PhotoGIF product, probably no
coincidence since MacUser
magazine recently crowned
Suck.com as the de facto
lords of GIF by running one
of Terry's pix in conjunction
with a boxed blurb on
PhotoGIF. This would seem to
indicate that your Shit List
is tainted by an apparent
conflict of interest. How can
I trust that the items
heretofore appearing on Shit
List aren't just cleverly
disguised advertisements, as
though the annoying (yet
easily covered) ads at the
bottom of the screen aren't
enough? My blind faith in
Suck's cred has been
hopelessly shattered. Can't I
just browse and not be
pitched to?

Pete L.
<oaklandst@aol.com>

You're funny. Particularly
that part about "trust," that
was classic. Also, the idea
of Suck having some kind of
"cred" - that had us rolling
in the aisles. Thanks for the
laughs! Ever thought about
writing for us?

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Love Hurts

To: yomomma@suck.com

Whoever the fuck wrote this
had better get a life and get
one damn quick. I have a
feeling who this is from. I
think that maybe it is from a
certain stupid ass ho bitch
who lives on my floor or
maybe two of them. Now I
could be wrong so I am not
saying any names or anything
just in case I am. But if you
are who I think you are
(Chris, Jen, or one of your
other stupid ass very few
friends): Nobody likes you,
everyone thinks you two are
immature, annoyingly stupid
bitches, who are stuck up and
rude. Quit sucking up because
we all hate you. You suck and
we can't wait until you leave
the floor, so quit saying
shit about me and spreading
crap around, I hate you, I
know what you say about me
and I really don't give a
flying fuck because you are
as dumb as dirt. Yeah I'm gay
I guess that's why I've been
seeing Steve for three months
now and why I went out with
four guys in high school
including Brian for 19 months
total. At least I have
pictures of my boyfriend
unlike someone, so shut up or
I will whoop both of your
asses! Also if this was not
from them and was from
Andrea, well you can piss off
too you little whore! Whoever
wrote this is sooo stupid, I
can have the messages deleted
duh, get a brain and a clue

<Name Withheld>

My my. Do you know what time
it is? It's time to let go of
fear and let a little love
into your heart. Can you put
down that can of whoop ass
for long enough to look deep
into your soul and find some
compassion, some
understanding, even some
love? Maybe there's a little
love in there, set aside for
a certain stupid-ass ho
bitch. Can you find it? We
believe in you, we know you
can do it.

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Awaken the Pliant Within

Please forgive my criticism,
but I think you're straying
from your strength. Making
fun of Tony Robbins by
ridiculing his seminars is a
good thing
(http://www.herald.com/tropic/
barry/archive/success.htm
), but
others have done it, and done it
well. Your article doesn't
get good until you get after
his philosophy (?) and his
path to success. It just
doesn't feel like Suck the
other way.

Later,

Christopher Warren
<csw23@map.com>

Christopher,

"Straying from my strength?"
Don't you want me to grow,
man? I used to be hampered by
that kind of negative,
limited-outlook,
stick-to-your-strength
thinking, but Robbins changed
all that.

Re: Barry, thanks for letting
me know about that article.
While it dismays me to learn
that I'm on the same
wavelength as him - although
he's apparently catching the
waves earlier - I nonetheless
believe that I said
everything he did in one-fifth the
space and in a more
entertaining manner. Such is
the power of positive
thinking.

Regards,

Huck

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

A friend told me a story about
a Robbins episode. In a fit
of low self esteem my friend
decided that he needed some
motivation, some
justification, someone to
tell him it was OK. So he
attended one of these Robbins
events you so eloquently
describe.

At first he was enthusiastic,
excited at the prospect of
spending the day surrounded
by people who felt as
desperate as he all the while
being preached at by one who
has transcended that
desparation and turned it
into a multigazillion
(Exaggeration? Possibly.)
-dollar industry. But
gradually, as the day wore
on, the blank-eyed
enthusiasism turned to
wariness. As my friend
glanced around room, he
noticed the same blank-eyed
stare in all the faces
surrounding him. Recognizing
that look from early morning
mirror experiences, he was
suddenly plunged even further
into self-loathing and
fright. At the break, he was
targetted by Robbins' crew of
flunkies and salesmen.
Perhaps smelling his
discomfort and
disillusionment, they tried
to assuage his fears by
selling him more seminars.

Once free of the jackals, he
was accosted by a woman he
had sat next to. Speaking
with her, it was revealed
that she had been to at least
seven of these seminars and
had just signed up for
another. My friend could see
that she had not retained any
lasting good for all the
money she had spent. She was
on a first-name basis with
not only the staff, but also
with half of the audience. It
was then that my friend
realized there was no need
for self-loathing on his
part. This woman truly was
deserving of the legacy of
loneliness. He found, upon
reflection, that there was no
possible way he was as
pathetic as she. Immediatly,
a great weight lifted from
his shoulders. He found he
could walk taller, speak
louder, say "no."

He entered the convention room
feeling much better about
himself and the rest of the
day proved to not only
justify that feeling, but
enhance it. When he left
after the final shebang
(after spending the money,
there was no way he was going
to leave), he felt justified,
motivated, and no longer
toiling under the burden of
low self esteem. Not due to
the magic of Robbins, but the
pitiable essence of the
audience. In retrospect, he
felt bad about his feelings
of superiority over the rest
of the attendees, but
overall, the feelings of
superiority outlasted the
guilt.

He looks back on that time
with grace. Robbins he calls
"totally lame," but the
audience he feels is
certaintly the key to
anyone's successful
graduation.

I don't know why I am telling
you this except that I
thought you might appreciate
the irony. I loved your
article.

-JC Sutton
<davnjen@idt.net>

I was actually surprised at
how affluent and presentable
the audience seemed to be.
The majority seemed to be
realtors.

There was definitely a fair
share of Robbins junkies in
the crowd as well; creepiest
of all were Robbins'
underlings, however. About a
half-dozen of them came on
the stage with him at one
point for a group-high-five
kind of thing. They were all
men in their early 20s,
unusually tall, all wearing
suspenders like their boss.
I'm not sure what theirs jobs
were, other than to just be
kind of psyched all the time.
But I find them pretty
intriguing, the wannabe heirs
to the crown....

Regards,

Huck

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

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