The Fish
for 16 May 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


Seeing the words "lexical
fellatio" for the first time,
I felt a little like the
stereotypical sorority sister
presented with the real
thing: ooh, how icky.

I agree the ubiquitous
"ass-kissing" is due for
retirement, but at least the
term is gender-neutral. How
do you demean good press for
Barbra Streisand and Cindy
Crawford? "Graphological
cunnilingus"? "The typical
Sunday-feature rim job"?

Rodney Welch

Good eye, Rodney - or can I
call you "Rod"? - for the sly
phallocentrism in Tuesday's
piece of iconoplasty. The
gender exclusivity was
descriptive, though - Icon
is, they would have us
believe, a men's magazine.
You can tell because it says
so on the cover, and because
the premiere ish fetishized
roller-ball pens, absinthe,
and red meat. One wonders
what outbreak of taste made
them hold back from a cigar
feature. Still, "typical
Sunday-feature rim job"
sounds like fun!

See you in the funny papers,


Fish With Letter Icon

Ethical shortcomings in the
arts and sciences is,
unfortunately, not news. This
doesn't make "Iconoblast" any
less sad and disturbing,

To wit:

The great ethical failure of
modern science was the
proliferation of weapons of
mass destruction under the
pretense that scientific
research & discovery is
without morality. The
oft-celebrated mantra of the
artist is that he transcends
ethics. I remember seeing a
retrospective on Picasso
where one of his lovers made
that exact statement, in
reference to his
philandering. "Like all great
artists, he was above
morality," she said.

The removal of ethics from any
action is intellectual

P.S. I looked up "failure" in
the thesaurus and it said
"abortion." Have they taken
this, too?

Michael Vance

"I scream, you scream, we all
scream for heroin!"
- P. Bagge

Thanks for writing, Michael.
Your insights on the genesis
of modern science's "great
ethical failure" are duly
noted, but I wonder if you
aren't giving folks like
Galileo short shrift in
considering their advances to
be comparatively "ethical."
At the time, if I recall my
history correctly, his work
was considered pretty
scandalous, even, you know,

The problem with holding
artists or scientists up to a
moral code is that the code
changes so often, whereas
their work - like so much
nuclear fallout - tends to
endure. That doesn't mean
that we shouldn't judge,
though, and that was the
point of "Iconoblast," if it
had one, which I guess I'll
leave up to you to decide.

Putting a gun in your mouth is
intellectual suicide.


Fish With Letter Icon

Ms. O'Tate,

In your last article you
wrote, "We succeed as a
country because we are
willing to fail as a
society." That's a pretty
fuckin' trenchant thing to
say on the Web don't you
think? I also like your
article on Mr. "Math is hard"

I used to say that the Web was
only good for free porn. You
have proven me wrong.

Have a nice day

Ben Lyons

What, the Web isn't still good
for free porn? I'm getting
off tomorrow. Or rather, I
guess I'm not....

Seriously - thanks for the
note, Ben. I haven't looked
up "trenchant" yet, but it
sounds a lot like "bitchin',"
which I know is good thing,
so thanks again. Also glad to
hear you liked my piece on
the Gen-X revival, but you
should be aware that Tom
isn't the one for whom math
is hard. To his credit, he's
written about the substantive
economic issues at stake for
labor in the '90s - most
notably in a pamphlet for the
Open Magazine Pamphlet Series -
it's just that few people
want to read it. The next
issue of the Baffler, in
fact, is rumored to focus
almost exclusively on labor
issues. While that's
certainly putting their money
where their mouth is, I have
a feeling that the hipsters
who shelled out and shilled
for the media auto-massage of
Bafflers 4-8 will be less
interested in the plight of
anyone but themselves.

I'm certainly not.


Fish With Letter Icon

Plug-In Needed?

Dear Sucksters -

I read in a previous reader
message that your site sucks
and bites hairy balls.
However, when I view your
page, I experience no such
biting or sucking. I am
running Netscape 3.x on a
P166 Win 95 machine. What's
going on? Do I need a


Desperately Seeking Suck

For the first time, a reader
has rendered us speechless.

Fish With Letter Icon

Richard the Fourth

Dear D'arcy,

Thanks for your wee piece
about Britain chucking in the
jewel without even a whimper.
If there were a grassroots
campaign in Britain to keep
Hong Kong, I wonder if it
would bear any similarity to
the campaign here in Israel
to keep the territories
conquered during Israel's
wars? Shouldn't the most
yobbish and most aristocratic
Britons alike be sporting
bumper stickers like the ones
here about the Golan Heights
("Not one inch") or Hebron
("For our fathers, and for
us")? What about "Hong Kong,
Now and Forever"?

It seems all the more sad
'cause Britain sent warships
all the way to Argentina just
to defend some empty rocks.
Is anybody even discussing
the thought of stealing, er,
extending the lease on Hong

Sad, eh? I mean, if the people
living in Hong Kong had a
referendum, or if the British
government said to them, "Why
don't you have a referendum?"
then they'd surely vote
overwhelmingly to keep the
Chinese out. In this
democratic age, wouldn't the
Queen then have the deepest
of justifications to
unilaterally extend the lease
until the people of Hong Kong
can be persuaded to join


Adam K
Jaffa, Israel

Some things are said in jest,
Adam. No matter what the
average Briton may say about
Hong Kong, a deal's a deal.
Referendums don't mean a
whole lot - if they'd had a
referendum in the US, we
would have annexed Canada
long ago. That's why even
democracies don't leave the
details of foreign policy to
the many-headed beast.

As for Hebron and the Golan,
'fraid I'm with the Arabs all
the way on this one.
(Opinions are solely those of
the author.) And the
Falklands war was for my
money the second most
entertaining event of the
'80s (after the shooting of
the Pope).

Thanks for your kind words.
May you collect many fine

yr pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

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