The Fish
for 5 May 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Producer

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker

 

Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor









Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

Suck Poetry

Hey, I'm taking this writing
class where for the past
couple of days we've been
making "cut and paste"
poetry: Y'know, where you
photocopy somebody else's
work and cut it up and put it
back together some other way?
We did this in class with
Ginsberg's "Howl," and I kept
expecting his corpse to burst
into the room in a rage and
take our scissors away.

Has anybody ever done this
before, or is my professor
just yanking our chains?

Anyway, I kept forgetting to
photocopy pages out of
anything, and the only thing
I could even think of using
was a copy of Digerati:
Encounters with the
Cyber-Elite.
And while I
could have skipped the
photocopies and just cut the
book apart, and though I was
curious to see if a pair of
scissors couldn't turn
Brockman's exercise in
name-dropping into something
meaningful, I still couldn't
escape the feeling that the
only thing more dreadful than
reading that book in a linear
fashion would be cutting it
all up and putting it back
together. But, at the last
minute, in a flash, I
thought: "Hey, why even risk
a paper cut when the four Ws
(World Wide Web and Windows)
make this whole idea a
scissorless practice?" Thus,
this li'l gem. It's taken
from Hit and Run LXXIX and
LeTeXan's "Auteur, Auteur"
piece. Thanx for the
inspiration, please don't sue
me, and above all, enjoy!

a fish, a barrel, and a
smoking gun

Sell out early and often.

Even a live person can be
packaged and merchandised
like a Star Wars action
figure,

Or a Space Jam Happy Meal.

Propagate the notion of media
circle-jerks

Making beautiful music

The gestalt of stagflation,
shitty music, overwork, and
one too many caffeine
crashes.

There comes inevitably a
vertiginous rush of hungry
hype-feeders wanting a piece
of the action.

Along with death, taxes, and
overhyped movies, one can
always count on tag-along
skin flicks with titles like
Pulp Friction, Forrest Hump, and
Buttman.

Iconic masturbation
and total banal crap The
quintessential win-win
arrangement

Thanx to the Sucksters

<bandd@primenet.com>

That would be the cut-up
method. And appropriately
named, in this case - it's
hilarious. If only all our
columns were this funny - and
meaningful!

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

In Search of ... a Job

Do you have any jobs avalable?
If the answer is afirmative,
I will reply with details.
The over view is this. I live
in Vermont, where I work for
a software company. My duties
include Technical Support
(Department Head) Webmaster
and Other ISs (Departments
Head). I have been dying to
live in the Northwest, but
have been having a hard time
finding a justification for
moving.

Name Withheld

Oh my God. Do we live in the
Northwest? We've never
thought of this as the
Northwest. We're not in
Seattle, you know, or
Portland for that matter. In
fact, San Francisco is
roughly the same latitude as
Virginia, and Virginia is,
for those in the know, in the
"South" (i.e., south of the
Mason-Dixon line). So, by
proxy, we can't possibly be
considered "North."

However, we will consider you
for any position that becomes
available, since we're always
looking for people who are
the Heads of Departments who
want to work for Suck because
they're searching for a
justification for moving to
the "Northwest."

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Very Palpable Hit

Usually you're a bit over this
shaggy grey head, and I was
starting to drift away, but
again a particular citation
woke me up (it was like this:
blah-blah-blah-blah-
MAYAKOVSKY- blah-blah).

I don't like poetry. Whatever
it was that Mayakovsky wrote -
that's what I like.
"Mayak," by the way, means
beacon, or lighthouse.
Accident of birth, or
self-fulfilling prophesy?

Also, just thought I'd mention
that, for Mayakovsky, the
words "reclama"
(advertisement) and
"propaganda" were
interchangeable. Certainly,
he believed revolution could
be promoted just like any
commodity. Then, 30 years
after his death, "reclama"
was used to denote an ad for
a product, like frozen fish
sticks produced by state
co-op Excelsior. Sure,
Soviets had commercials -
just like the US Postal
Service has ads that urge you
to buy more stamps. However,
the word "propaganda" was by
now interchangeable with the
words "news" and
"information" (Pravda was the
Soviet Communist Party's
"organ of propaganda" - it
said so right in the
masthead). There was a
difference, however, between
"our propaganda" (the truth)
and "their propaganda"
(propaganda). And this was
10, 20 years before 1984.

One last thing before you doze
off - the Hit and Run
mentioning Mayakovsky was
published on 24 April, just
10 days after the 67th
anniversary of Mayakovsky's
death. On 14 April 1930,
disillusioned with the regime
he made so many compelling
commercials for, Mayakovsky
pressed a gun against his
ribs and demolished his heart
with a bullet.

Now, if only all ad agencies
felt personally accountable
for the effects of their
commercials.

regards,
Greg
<greg@mrfax.com>

Thanks for your informative
letter, Greg. We definitely
appreciate readers who pick
up the more subtle
references, and who can tell
us a thing or two to boot. I
came to read Mayakovsky by
working backwards from Frank
O'Hara and Kenneth Koch, but
greatly treasure my
three-volume Progress
Publishers edition of VM's
work. (They're pretty painful
translations, actually.)

While we're swapping stories,
I'll tell you my personal
favorite about the abuse of
Russian Constructivist
design: Back in 1990 or '91,
the Graphis Design Annual
featured the cover of a
Warner Brothers in-house
magazine called (I think)
Passages. Some fiendish soul
had taken El Lissitzky's
Krasnom Klinom B'elykh B'ei
(Beat the Whites with the Red
Wedge) - easily one of the
single most recognized images
in Constructivist art - and
adapted it to look like a
record player, with the
Bolshevik red wedge now
doubling as a tone arm.

The joke would be totally lost
on folks now, of course,
since not too many remember
what a tone arm is. As for
me, I'm off to play Red Army
Chorus records on my box
Califone.

- LeTeXan

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Filler

You forgot "Let's Give Them
Something to Stalk About" for
the made-for-TV movie about a
rabid Bonnie Raitt stalker.
After suffering years of
abuse from his
recently-deceased,
strawberry-blonde-with-a-
white-streak-at- the-temple
mother, the stalker turns to
the music of Bonnie Raitt for
continued abuse. After his
girlfriend, Tori Amos,
refuses to bleach a streak in
her hair, the infuriated
stalker goes after the only
woman who can still hurt him.
He finds Bonnie's home and
stands outside, holding his
boom box over his head with
"I Can't Make You Love Me if
You Don't" blasting through
the dewey night. His sentence
includes participation in an
acting workshop led by John
Cusack.

Margot Patrick

Wow. Have you thought about
pitching movie treatments for
a living?

P.S. John Cusack doesn't have
to act. He can just be. He's
that likeable.

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

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