The Fish
for 19 March 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Editor


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor



I am an Equinox
representative. It is
apparent by your lack of
information that you never
attended a company overview.

If you put forth the effort
into Equinox, that you do
spreading these half truths
and innuendo, you would be an
IMD, sitting around doing
nothing instead of selling


That's what life is about,
after all: sitting around
doing nothing. Unfortunately,
I don't have the "effort"
(approx. US$5,000) to put
forth at this time. So I
guess I'll stick to my
current career in the
innuendo industry.


Fish With Letter Icon

NikeTown Crier

St. Huck.... Nike is against my
religion. My religion also
prevents me from buying a new
car, or ever living in a
tract home. This is a
religion of my own invention,
with one member, and no
services ... unless I'm at a
gas station.


Well, the Church of Nike is
pretty tempting, though. When
I went there, I almost bought
a hat. Luckily, they sort of
underemphasize the cash
registers there, so the
moment passed before I
actually was able to spot

So I'm still Nike-free too.

Thanks for writing,


Fish With Letter Icon

How do I stop this automated
mail. I don't want these suck
email no more. I am French
and Suck is too hard to read.


Well, I had heard plans about
foreign-language versions of
Suck, but ultimately I think
the decision was that French
was too hard to write.

To stop Suck, go to this page,
and follow the instructions


Fish With Letter Icon

Maureen Dowd

I just had to tell someone
about my all-consuming lust
for Maureen Dowd: I have an
all-consuming lust for
Maureen Dowd! When I read her
column I get a sensation like
cheap bourbon running down my
throat over my entire body!
There, I feel much better.


Darin Higashiguchi

P.S. I too admire Ann O'Tate.
Any woman who drops This is
Spinal Tap
references like
she does I would gladly marry
regardless of looks, weight,
odor, or debilitating
personality disorders.

Oh boy! We'll tell Ann the
good news - over the phone,
of course, since she's at
that combo fat farm/rehab
house for the next month. But
she'll be really happy, which
usually means she'll start
knocking her ugly head
against the wall and
screaming about Perry Como's
summer home for alien whores
or some such shit.... And
whenever she gets started on
Perry Como, she tends to give
off this horrible scent - the
nurses will have to deodorize
her room again. Maybe we
won't tell her.

Darin, anyone can rail off
Spinal Tap references. Try
basing your attraction on
less superficial things ...
like looks, weight, or odor,
for example. And forget
Maureen - why not just fetch
a bottle of cheap bourbon and
call it a date?

Fish With Letter Icon

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