The Fish
for 25 February 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


T. Jay (the man) Fowler
T. Jay Fowler
Production Editor


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Going in Style

"...if the evolution of
language were..."

Ah, a refined language ear.
Nice piece. I'll look into
Ms. Manners on your


Bruce MacEvoy

Cheers, Bruce, you're too
kind! Actually, for a while I
toyed with opening a Poetry
Repair shop - you know,
Sentence Balancing and
Alignment, Cadences Smoothed
While-U-Wait, the works - but
realized I'd have way too
much work on my hands. When
would I have time to write
for Suck?


Fish With Letter Icon

Right now, your stuff feels
like the work of a writer at
the height of his powers. I
won't bother to tell you how
many words I had to look up
this time. Best ending to a
Suck piece in recent memory.

Loved the part about your
default font in Word. Wow.
Sehr gut, Herr Xan !!


Russ <>

"The work of a writer at the
height of his powers"? Oh
geez, I hope not - I'm afraid
of heights and mistrustful of
power! That's the whole
reason I live in this
basement in New Jers...

Actually, forget I said


Fish With Letter Icon

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

Please can you include the
PICS ratings in the HTML code
for your site. I am in charge
of computing in a girls
school and feel it is
inappropriate that they make
their way to your site.

You have a moral
responsibility to ensure that
your material is only
available to those who wish
to see it.

Thank you.

Craig Kerwin

Whoa, we're a little confused
here - the computers at your
girls school don't want to
make their way to our site?
Because we don't have pics?
How about you give us some
pictures of your girls and
we'll rate them? People would
probably wish to see that...

Fish With Letter Icon

Oozing Charm

Just when you're sure you know
someone - e.g., Sucksters are
smart, funny, smartasses with
great width, no depth, and
the belief that a fast
reaction beats a considered
thought - something like your
article appears. You've
heard of the Great Vowel
Shift? You like Judith
Martin? You think sometimes
it's better to be seen but
not heard? My word, what
next? Manners? Literacy?

Nah. Stay as sweet as you are.
Nice article though.


Heard of the Great Vowel
Shift? Hell, we had one just
this morning.

Fish With Letter Icon


Congrats to you and Terry on
Troubleshooting with
Management and the Virtual

It's almost scary how true it
is... I'm definitely going to
tell people at work about
your page. You have an
exquisitely edgy sense of
humor and Terry's beatnik/Ren
& Stimpy/Jetsons-style makes
for cool art!

Still laughing,

Natalka Herman

I'm really glad you called
that old geezer Terry a
beatnik. He'll be very
honored... he even knows what
it means! Like coolsville,


Fish With Letter Icon

GIF the Cops a Call

To: Ann O' Tate

Am I wrong?

Andrew Davidson

it's a joke gif, you'd have to see it to understand

Er, do i know you?

More importantly, should I
call the police?


Fish With Letter Icon

Sex Muffins

Discover the secret to a wild
and wonderful sex life!
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passion to incredible levels!
All natural ingredients. Get
the complete report plus the

Millions of people around the
world, from all walks of life
have discovered this magical
formula. They report
increased awareness, elevated
passion levels, and greater
sexual energy!

In order to rush this valuable
information to you, we need
this ORDER FORM to accompany
your request please...

Thanks for your time and may
God bless and enrich your

Uh, don't you mean "may God
bless and enrich your SEX
life"? But these muffins
won't actually enrich our sex
lives if we're not getting
any, will they, now? How
about a "Improve Your Rap"
Muffin or a "Learn to Live
Without" Muffin?

Besides, to improve your sex
life, all you have to do is
say the word "muffin" a lot
more, preferably to a member
of the target sex. Muffin.
Mmmuffin. Hello mmmuffin.


Fish With Letter Icon

On Suck

Dear Sucksters,

Hoo, have you taken
AltaVista's new LiveTopics
search engine tool out for a
spin yet? I'm not sure it's
working right. I used it to
help me fashion the following

+host:suck +crack +addled
+hype -courtesy -credibility

but it couldn't find a durn

Steven M. O'Neill

Nice! Try this one instead:

+host:suck +smartass
+brilliant +insight
-stupidity -boredom 

It doesn't work either! Durn
thing must be broken.

Fish With Letter Icon

Mouseburger Royale

Regarding the new editor of
Cosmo - so what's your
problem with Canadians,
"former" or otherwise? It's
not clear how her birthplace
affects her ability to do the

Laurel Bowman

If we knew the answer to that
one, we wouldn't be writing
for this bullshit website,
we'd be award-winning

Fish With Letter Icon

Filler Archives

Why can't I get at the Filler
beyond December?
There are links for it all
over... and they don't
resolve! I want my Filler! I like my

Sebastian Hassinger

Filler since December is
archived on the Daily
, which is accessed
through the Barrel page.
Soon, there will also be a
complete Filler Archive.
(Please note: the definition
of "soon" is taken from the
production editor's Manual of
: adv., referring to
"whenever I have time to get
to it.")

Fish With Letter Icon

The Stuff -- it's a list of stuff we like

Little link to Suck

Something from the Vault

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