The Fish
for 3 May 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
[Suck Staff]
 

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

 

[Terry Colon]
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

[Heather Havrilesky]
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Joey Anuff]
Joey Anuff
Publisher

 
 
 
 
[Go to the Suck Alumni page]
Hit & Run 04.26.01

And another thing--Chabon showed up as a guest at the Oakland Wondercon, only a few days after getting the Pulitzer. While comic-book conventions do have their share of life's victims, to put it mildly, it was really rather cool of Chabon not to distance himself from the comic book world he'd been celebrating, as some blue-chip authors might do. ("I don't want to be remembered as just the comic-book-guy" or words to that effect.) I wonder if he got to meet Julie Newmar, who was also there? Where's her Pulitzer for playing Catwoman?

best,

Richard von Busack
<regisgoat@earthlink.net>

The phenomenon of blue-chip authors, and blue-chip everybodies, distancing themselves from comics is truly baffling. How unhip would you have to be to think you can still score points off comics fanboys? Even today, respectably America has a really strange relationship to comics.

As for Julie Newmar, we're in full agreement with Adam West: "Michelle Feiffer? The only real Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt, or Lee Meriwether."

Sucksters

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

"...NAB — a lobbying group with less political clout than the TV networks that used to be members..."

TV networks/affiliates did manage to get all that free spectrum for the digital TV wonderland, on which to air expensive campaign commercials. That's not just clout, that's incest.

Ken Broomfield
<kenb@madsc.com>

This was the point of the article.

Sucksters

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

I was all ready to dis hazel motes, on account of I'm one of those music snobs that only likes critically acclaimed indie records. Yes, actual records. Hard to believe. Anyway, I was actually pretty pleasantly suprised. Sounds like a richer Sundays. Good for you. I'm going to get on gnutella and download both albums as soon as I get home from work.

Yours,

Chris McCall
Dallas Texas
via New Brunswick, New Jersey
<mccallc@marketingtechnologygroup.com>


And how is Polly supposed to feel, knowing that her big fan is too cheap to spend six bucks on her CD?

You're lucky you're from Brumfus, Chris, or you'd have a Texas-sized ass-whuppin' coming your way.

Sucksters

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

Filler 04.25.01

Subject: make like a tree and steve!

since i've already decided that i'd resort to a personal ad in an effort to find a date, how much more pathetic is it to get a hook-up from casual mention on a website? i'm a single, saucy gal in seattle and if you're so inclined, pass my e-mail along to the steve-ster! i love sad little monkeys and i would NEVER let any of my friends see CASTAWAY...

Michele
<emailomittedtoprotectthesaucy>

It's much more pathetic to get a date from a not-so-casual mention on a website than it is to get a date from a personal ad? I don't know. I mean, imagine if Terry illustrated the personal ads. Wouldn't that make the whole process much less pathetic and far more exciting? Maybe not.

While your love of sad little monkeys is promising, your use of the terms "saucy" and "Steve-ster" automatically disqualified you from being Steve's special someone.

Get thee back to the classifieds!

Polly

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

Subject: But wait! You forgot to tell us...

1) Does Steve have clouds of billowy dandruff falling gently to his shoulders from hair that hasn't been washed in 2.75 weeks (he's trying to save water for the salmon, after all!)

2) No one in Seattle will touch him if he doesn't like to hike, rollerblade, kayak, climb mountains, and ride a mountain bike and ALL ON SATURDAY! (I've gleaned this from the reading of many a personal ad. It applies to women too, which is why I'm still single. At least that's what I tell myself.)

3) 'Course, all these petty concerns vanish if he is the proud owner of an MS BLUE-CARD! (Though the prestige of that is falling with the stock market.)

Please clear up these points so that I will know whether to tell Steve where to find my personal ads or give him the phone numbers of some women I don't like!

Yours for clarity,

Kellie Thorne
<kthorne@qwest.net>

I can assure you, Steve is 1) clean 2) highly inactive 3) not rich. He's a doctor, remember? They have to stay really clean, and stay out of the stock market. He doesn't like to move, not at all, not one bit.

The only thing I'm concerned about is the spelling of your name. You didn't change that from a y when you were about 13, did you?

Yours for charity,

Polly

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

Hey Suck,

I was all ready to dis hazel motes, on account of I'm one of those music snobs that only likes critically acclaimed indie records. Yes, actual records. Hard to believe. Anyway, I was actually pretty pleasantly surprised. Sounds like a richer Sundays. Good for you. I'm going to get on gnutella and download both albums as soon as I get home from work.

Yours,

Chris McCall
<mccallc@marketingtechnologygroup.com>

You only like critically acclaimed indie records, huh? Does that mean a record must be acclaimed by "critics" before you'll listen to it? I like the Sundays a lot, and I'm pretty sure we're not richer than them, but was pleasantly surprised by your kind words.

Mine,

Polly

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

polly would you write an article on chloe sevingy. i vaguely hate her though i am not sure why. also how about how colleges, ivy league versus po boy state schools and the identity these choices forge.

Zach Coughlin
<zachcoughlin@hotmail.com>

Ah, yes. Polly the attack dog. I don't know much about Chloe Sevigny, and I'm even less sure why you hate her than you are. As for state schools vs. the Ivy League, that's always seemed like a pretty worthless distinction to me. I suppose the professors at Ivy League schools are more highly qualified to bring you the world, on the whole, but that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't more focused on publishing than they are on teaching. I guess Ivy League schools prepare you to recreate yourself as an aristocrat, since you learn the language and rules of fraternizing with the rich and the gifted. I decided, instead, to learn the rules of bong etiquette and complicated multi-round card games.

To each his own!

All's well that ends in cliché,

Polly

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 



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 The Shit
Physical Strength and How to Obtain It, by Eugen Sandow
Bamboozled, A Spectacular New Film by Mr. Spike Lee
G. Beato's all-new Soundbitten
William Demarest, Sultan of Snarl, in The Lady Eve (1941), The Palm Beach Story (1942), and The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)
George Wallace: Settin' The Woods On Fire, directed by Daniel McCabe and Paul Stekler
1995
Bobby Darin, Darin at the Copa (Atlantic)
Shinji-San in the floating world of indeterminate duration, by Peter Richardson
American Pharaoh: Mayor Richard J. Daley: His Battle for Chicago and the Nation, by Adam Cohen and Elizabeth Taylor
Neutral Milk Hotel, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (1996, Merge)
45, by Bill Drummond
Cliff "Ukulele Ike" Edwards, Singing in the Rain (ASV)
Do you know of stuff that doesn't actively suck? Things so good they deserve to make the Shitlist? Send your suggestions to us.
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