The Fish
for 26 April 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.
[Suck Staff]

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


[Terry Colon]
Terry Colon
Art Director


[Heather Havrilesky]
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Joey Anuff]
Joey Anuff

[Go to the Suck Alumni page]
Hit & Run 04.19.01

Reviewing of professors by their students is an absurdity rivaled only by parents running a school board. Both groups are the least likely on the planet to actually come up with an accurate analysis. If there are any groups associated with schools which need to be violently silenced, it is students and their parents.

-Shill Biddingsley

Oh, there are plenty of groups that need to be violently silenced: food critics, landmark preservationists, the people who write letters to the editor at Newsweek that say things like: "The most fitting punishment for Osama Bin Laden would be to make him see the pain he's caused his victims' families. — Marie Overcleaf, Dippity-Dieu, Iowa."

The list goes on and on


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass] Hello, could I please speak with (blank)?

You: Yes. That's me. Great! I'm calling from and I have a great Sarandon-call for you!

You: Let me hear it! Ok, let me go get Susan...

(click -- click) Hello, this is Susan Sarandon. You may have seen me in awful movies like Bull Durham, Witches of Eastwick, or White Palace. I'm working on a Water-Buffalo-For-Tibet project and....


From Plastic

You forgot the best part of Sarandon phone call: The heartfelt 15-minute critique of the Mumia evidence.


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Filler 04.18.01

Enjoyed Filler today.

I went through the fucking RINGER with Southwestern Bell. SIX, yes six, months 2 "accidental" cancellations of my service and over 40 hours on hold and they finally got my DSL service functioning.

I actually told one of the "customer service representatives" that if someone didn't get my DSL functioning, I'd be paying their home office a visit and I'd be bringing a shotgun.

I'm from Texas, I think they believed me.

I hate them. I really hate them. But I hated having a dial-up even more.


Threatening people with guns isn't a very wise tactic, Michael. But it's funny how you Texans think that the rest of the world is shaking in its boots over your terrible wrath. It's all fun and games until someone gets a longhorn tattooed on their bicep.

Sounding like a Canadian,


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

You and Terry are the Rogers and Hammerstein of whatever the endeavor you all do is called. Keep up the great work!!

Dave Karasic, Quincy, MA

I'm not sure what to call our endeavor either.

We'll keep up the great work as long as the great work keeps our groundsmen in rubber boots.



[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]


It sound like you are trying to get dsl in nyc through Verizon. they are the worse company, the people in charge are bunch of monkeys getting pay lots of money.

Viva Cable modem!


While I don't doubt that the people in charge are, indeed, bunch of monkeys, I'm actually dealing with Earthlink.

I spoke with some nice people on the phone, though. It's not their fault their company's DSL branch isn't run well. I haven't heard many nice things about ANY DSL installation, though, so I can hardly point fingers.

But I will.

A sore loser at the blame game,


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

[Contacting Us]
[Contributors Index]

 The Shit
Physical Strength and How to Obtain It, by Eugen Sandow
Bamboozled, A Spectacular New Film by Mr. Spike Lee
G. Beato's all-new Soundbitten
William Demarest, Sultan of Snarl, in The Lady Eve (1941), The Palm Beach Story (1942), and The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)
George Wallace: Settin' The Woods On Fire, directed by Daniel McCabe and Paul Stekler
Bobby Darin, Darin at the Copa (Atlantic)
Shinji-San in the floating world of indeterminate duration, by Peter Richardson
American Pharaoh: Mayor Richard J. Daley: His Battle for Chicago and the Nation, by Adam Cohen and Elizabeth Taylor
Neutral Milk Hotel, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (1996, Merge)
45, by Bill Drummond
Cliff "Ukulele Ike" Edwards, Singing in the Rain (ASV)
Do you know of stuff that doesn't actively suck? Things so good they deserve to make the Shitlist? Send your suggestions to us.
[The Smoking Gun] [Net.Moguls]