The Fish
for 20 April 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.
[Suck Staff]

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


[Terry Colon]
Terry Colon
Art Director


[Heather Havrilesky]
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Joey Anuff]
Joey Anuff

[Go to the Suck Alumni page]
Movie Review, 2038

Your review of "11 Days" is brilliant.

David Cogswell

Your review of the review is meta-stupendous.

yr pal,


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Alberto Fujimori????  Japanese Prime Minister?!?!?!?!?   Please tell me that was an intentional goof, or Japan has become a part of South America.  

Best wishes,  

T.A. Martin

Read the papers, smart guy. Hard-nosed Peruvian Fujimori fled to Japan in November, and has been there ever since. Japan is in need of a hard-nosed prime minister. Sounds like a perfect fit, and our reviewer from the future obviously has information we can only dream of.

Then again, maybe the joke just wasn't that funny.

yr pal,


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
Hit & Run 04.12.01

Dear Sucksters...

Your recent vacuum job on the fluxual infotainment highway is a remarkable testament that flushed my cheeks with existential euphoria. I'm sure JP Sartre got a rise out of it as well.

And those guys at must be recalculating powerful possibilities now that you've provided them with their biggest user spike to date.

But I'm wondering, have you ever dared to set your geek behavioral studies to melody and streaming in quick time?

Watching the data flow,


If the pop.commers have any plans for us, they will undoubtedly involve fetching coffee for Mr. Grazer. While wearing bellhop caps. All under the rubric of "behavioral studies."


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Hit & Run 04.12.01

Dear Sucksters,

I'm a big fan of Ron Howard. Possibly because people used to compare me to Opie growing up. And who didn't love Splash? But you're right about his head. (However, you may tell the PTHS class of '74 that Redman still has most of his hair.)

But I was struck by another point you made, which read in part "...damn if it seems like there's nothing out there ˜ no hot spots, no must-sees, no great topics of conversation or controversy." Whenever I read Plastic, that's the dog I can hear not barking, all right. Although I occasionally see evidence of some interesting sites, I can't help noticing how the raw energy and creativity has been tamed, toned down, and vetted by lawyers and corporate types. The cluetrain manifesto turned on its head. Why surf? Suck is the Alamo, Polly is Crockett, Tim is Bowie, and Joey is Travis. Wow, I think I'll fax copies of this idea to Howard and Spielberg.



You've got the wrong analogy, Richard. Polly is indeed Crockett, but Suck is more like Miami Vice. Tim is Tubbs and Joey is Elvis the alligator.


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]


I've always felt that the Internet is the CB radio of the 90's:  cheap(if you've already got a computer), unregulated, and seemingly boundless.  Do you remember a strain of fiction in the early 80's threating a CB revolution?  It sounds absurd now, much as the "Internet Revolution" will sound in about 5 years.  Oh, well.  It was fun while it lasted.  



Then where's all the cool lingo about smokies over your donkey and a bear and the air. Where's the convoy rockin' through the night? Where are Burt Reynolds and Jackie Gleason, BJ and the Bear? Wrong analogy again, good buddy.


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Oof. Low blow, guys. I hate Microsoft as much as the next guy, but the "earth shifting big idea" link you provide isn't to a Microsoft shpeel. It's to an archive of a speech delivered by an MIT Media Lab prof entitled "Towards a Truly Personal Computer." It wasn't even written for Microsoft — it was delivered for a a meeting of the Association of Computing Machinery. Microsoft just archived it.

C'mon, now. Microsoft's an easy target, and you guys are much too good to have to dig that deep for a jab.


Thanks for your vote of confidence, Sam. But what makes you think MIT is any less deserving of contempt than Microsoft?


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Dear Sucksters:

Ain't it a crime — the commercial Web dies frothing ... hummm or was that froth & dies? Anyrate, the Web may now properly assume it's original form: an over-the-back-fence CHAT-fest. All photo's Xerox scanned — all tits are local — all code reverts to HTML_3.2 and browsers ta V_4.1 ... and WoooHooo SUCK can start writing funny, wavy columns again. Hell da_fish been in retro mode for a year who can't see that? Kann the bitch-rodent. Oh happy daze ... think I'll krank one-more-time.

ray hartman

At last, somebody who can describe the situation perfectly. WooHoo, thanks, Ray. u da man!


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

[Contacting Us]
[Contributors Index]

 The Shit
Physical Strength and How to Obtain It, by Eugen Sandow
Bamboozled, A Spectacular New Film by Mr. Spike Lee
G. Beato's all-new Soundbitten
William Demarest, Sultan of Snarl, in The Lady Eve (1941), The Palm Beach Story (1942), and The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)
George Wallace: Settin' The Woods On Fire, directed by Daniel McCabe and Paul Stekler
Bobby Darin, Darin at the Copa (Atlantic)
Shinji-San in the floating world of indeterminate duration, by Peter Richardson
American Pharaoh: Mayor Richard J. Daley: His Battle for Chicago and the Nation, by Adam Cohen and Elizabeth Taylor
Neutral Milk Hotel, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (1996, Merge)
45, by Bill Drummond
Cliff "Ukulele Ike" Edwards, Singing in the Rain (ASV)
Do you know of stuff that doesn't actively suck? Things so good they deserve to make the Shitlist? Send your suggestions to us.
[The Smoking Gun] [Net.Moguls]