The Fish
for 12 April 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.
[Suck Staff]

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


[Terry Colon]
Terry Colon
Art Director


[Heather Havrilesky]
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Joey Anuff]
Joey Anuff

[Go to the Suck Alumni page]
Hit & Run 04.5.01

But the most tortured part of the case involves figuring out whether the incident is what Americans like to call a "hate crime." Woodgate and Bowyer are white, Duberry is black, and Najeib, as all news reports take pains to note, is an "Asian student." All of which suggests English culture may still be way ahead of our own. Blacks and whites getting together to beat up a Pakistani? In America, that would be a sign of racial progress.

Assuming you could negotiate the cow bonfires and survive our catastrophically hazardous transport network, if you visited us you would find the English possessed of a great egalitarian spirit. On this sceptred isle, white people can kill black people, black people can kill black people, white and black people can kill asian people, and absolutely everyone can kill anything on four legs. The cattle are getting their own back, though...

David Kaye

An instructive letter, David. You would no doubt be dismayed to know the extent to which people over here still regard the UK as a place filled with white guys who wear bowlers and carry umbrellas.

Pip pip!


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Thanks for badmouthing Guy Richie in your latest piece. I've been noticing that Brit pop culture has been taking our lead and getting embarassingly awful, so you go from the excellent "Trainspotting" down to the horrible "Lock, Stock..etc..".

From "Monty Python" to "The League of Gentleman".

From John Cleese voice-overs in commercials to cheesy, over-the-top, Cleese imitators.

Etc., etc.....


But you're forgetting the most painful decline of all — from Tom Baker to whoever plays Dr. Who now. Why do you think Americans decided to freeze all British television in place circa Are You Being Served?


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Subject: You're right!

This website does suck!

Paul Filiault

Oh great, another one of these transparent attempts to get the attention of the Greatest American Essays of 2002 editors. Sorry, Paul, we can't help you. Go right to the honchos; we hear Dave Barry and Dear Dotti are this year's judges.


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Filler 04.4.01

Dear Polly,

Wednesday (Filler day) is my favorite day at Suck. I really enjoy the funny cartoons. The other Suck days are good too, but usually there is too much writing and I get bored because they use big words and I can't understand what they're saying. I like your writing though. I really like the cartoons. huh huh.

Scott Carroll

Usually there is too much writing. I see.

I'll pass this bit of feedback on to the editor.


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

The "No Almond Rocha for Chunky?" is probably the best single sentence in the english language EVER at this point. Unlike the preceding which is just mere praise from a loyal follower....I mean fan. Yeah. Fan. That's what I meant.

Jonas Bailey

Well, if it's going to be the best single sentence in the English language, it has to be understandable out of context, otherwise it'll never make it into Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, where all the greatest sentences in the English language go to enjoy their last glorious days among other great sentences. It's sort of like a Palm Springs for sentences.



[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Subject: Obscure reference?

So, call me crazy, but is the line in this week's Filler "no almond roca for chunky" a very distant reference to the Superchunk album title "no pocky for kitty"?


I love Superchunk, but no, that was not intended as a reference. Maybe it was a subliminal reference, but it wasn't a conscious one. Mac McCaughan went to my high school, actually.

So much fascinating trivia to share with the world, so little time.

Usually there is too much writing,


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

Subject: The Way Young Losers Do

Dear Polly,

After reading this week's Filler, I impulsively read the whole Filler Archive. Every last one. Then experienced an epiphany. You are Toni Morrison, Howard Zinn, Kurt Vonnegut, and Cervantes all rolled into one. Don't mean to drown you in praise, but you are a hoot.

Keep up the scathing critiques.

Sincerely yours,


Scathing critiques? Is that how you would characterize Filler? Very interesting. And how does Toni Morrison fit into the picture? I mean, I'm impressed. I had no idea I was a lot like a talented fiction writer who brings social injustice to light. I should probably be on Oprah's book group list, shouldn't I?

Committed to fighting the good fight, won't stop till I get enough, etc.,


[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]

[Contacting Us]
[Contributors Index]

 The Shit
Physical Strength and How to Obtain It, by Eugen Sandow
Bamboozled, A Spectacular New Film by Mr. Spike Lee
G. Beato's all-new Soundbitten
William Demarest, Sultan of Snarl, in The Lady Eve (1941), The Palm Beach Story (1942), and The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)
George Wallace: Settin' The Woods On Fire, directed by Daniel McCabe and Paul Stekler
Bobby Darin, Darin at the Copa (Atlantic)
Shinji-San in the floating world of indeterminate duration, by Peter Richardson
American Pharaoh: Mayor Richard J. Daley: His Battle for Chicago and the Nation, by Adam Cohen and Elizabeth Taylor
Neutral Milk Hotel, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (1996, Merge)
45, by Bill Drummond
Cliff "Ukulele Ike" Edwards, Singing in the Rain (ASV)
Do you know of stuff that doesn't actively suck? Things so good they deserve to make the Shitlist? Send your suggestions to us.
[The Smoking Gun] [Net.Moguls]