The Fish
for 30 October 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
[Suck Staff]
 

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

 

[Terry Colon]
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

[Heather Havrilesky]
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Joey Anuff]
Joey Anuff
Publisher

 
 
 
 
[Go to the Suck Alumni page]
Public Service Announcement 2000

That was fantastic. I hope Eminem reads your piece.

Yesenia Gutierrez
<YGutierrez@pjc.com>

I hope he does too. I don't think my career at Suck will be complete until somebody busts a cap at me. Anyway, it's enough for me that you liked it.

yrs,

The Boob

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

Must say that is the most scathing review i have ever seen, and i agree 200%.

Jeff
<DRSPOCK1@aol.com>

You can't beat having somebody agree with you 200%. Unfortunately, what I wrote was more along the lines of a panegyric than a scathing review. But I'll take the 200% anyway. You can't have too much agreement.

yrs

The Boob

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

That is the lamest piece of writing I have yet to read, Suck or anywhere else. Eminem is a blight that poisons young minds, and to defend him is to take part in his rape of a generation.

Eric Welch
<ewelch@gia.edu>

Eric,

I didn't defend him. I said he was a great talent, which if you think about is has a lot to do with his popularity. Maybe he is raping a generation, but the victim almost certainly led him on by buying six million of his albums.

yrs

The Boob

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

I enjoyed this article, there is something to be said for being able to expreience the content of this "talent" in written form, as you present it here, without having to listen to it.

thanks,

myron

There is that. Synesthesia works the other way too — you should hear me spit my essays at the Suck Battle-raps. If I could just find a rhyme for Myxpykl...

yrs

The Boob

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

But, see, Eminem sucks ass.

Sure, he's good at freestyling. I'll give him that. He's better'n shit at rhyming (where "shit"="really good"). But the fact remains that it's one of those trained-monkey kind of skills. Anyone who actually has enough interest in it to sit up nights memorizing what rhymes with what could easily be, as the kids say, "one fly ass emmcee". What he does is no more art than someone who's veryveryvery good at making hamburgers. It's just a mechanical skill. Sure, it's easy to knock it since I don't walk it, but really it's kind of a compliment to Our Great Nation — proof that any idiot in America who's full of aimless teenage anger and takes the time to learn a useless skill can make it all the way to the cutting edge of blase mainstream culture.

PS: For further evidence of Eminem's annoyingly average Anger At Everything I cite the thousands of pictures of him flipping off photographers (how original! how soulful! his anger SPEAKS to me!), not to mention the fact that he feels his music is somehow incomplete without sodomizing a blowup doll of his wife.

Jackson Pritt
<Jacksonpritt@cs.com>

Do you know a trained monkey that could write, "Something something something, something I get weeded/My daughter scribbled over that rhyme, I couldn't read it"?

Rhyming may indeed be the lowest and most mechanical of the poet's arts, and the one furthest removed from his or her role as prophet. But it's the foundation of poetry, and no small thing. How many hamburger you ate at the age of three still come back to you every day?

yrs

The Boob

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

Dear BOob,

You give Eminem far too much credit. The only credit he deserves is for being the spokesman for an album with sweet f.a. for content that became popularly successful. Look at Vanilla Ice. He wasn't as media-saavy as Eminem's producers certainly are, for the media were able to find him out and prove him a fraud on his tale of bad-boyness in Miami. Think Eminem's any different?

This is all hype, pure and simple. The reason for his popularity, therefore, falls upon the message: of America's whiteboy culture that secretly wants to be as tight with their friends as gangsta posses are thought to be. Not in Europe, not in Australia, not in Japan do you have the crime rates of aggressive male behaviour — especially sexual assault — as in the United States and Canada. It's a sexually frustrated attitude that lingers in a culture that has been tied down by "religious" family values. There's no respect for women or men in these lyrics b/c Eminem's attempt is to simply whine. Whining means he's doing more feeling than thinking. He's not intelligent; he's ignorant.

As a rapper, KRS-1 is infinitely more popular than Eminem among many intelligent people who like rap b/c he doesn't waste his time rapping about "smacking up bitches." He treats his audience--and his position of influence--with respect, knowing that unhealthy attitudes do nothing to showcase real art. Eminem's rap material, and the way it's been marketed, are to me like the old edge-row houses in the heart of England's industrial north: grey, repetitive, depressing and sub-human. If rape and aggressive sexual contact are the hallmarks of his "successful" rapping career, what does this say about his audience?

Paul Miazga
<paulmiazga@usa.net>

I disagree. Eminem's producer's aren't particularly media-savvy, and in fact no one expected him to get that popular.He seems to have almost complete creative control of his albums, and in fact if he were a pure marketing creation, as you suggest, I doubt there would be tracks on the Marshall Mathers LP like the Insane Clown Posse skit, "Under the Influence," etc. I don't blame hip-hop highbrows for preferring KRS-One or Chuck D to Eminem; hell, even The Boob likes to kick it old-school now and then, and luxuriate in the security of street-sanctified agitprop. But Eminem as millennial Fabian is as misinformed a take as Eminem as Menace II Society. There are lots of white boy rappers. But there's only one real Slim Shady.

yrs

The Boob

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 
The Outsiders

Fuckin' Great. I have always loathed Altman, especially after being forced to watch "Nashville" as part of an Appalachian studies class. Your dissection of the outsider label was one of the best things I've read in months. When I am an Insider, I will proudly proclaim that fact before God and man, and use it every possible way to push my agenda of freedom and liberty.. and maybe licentiousness as well.

Dale Fitz
<daledoe@bnoc.net>

Let me first commend you on your fine, discriminating taste, which seems to have survived at least a psychic trip to Appalachia. I felt the same way after seeing McCabe & Mrs. Miller as part of a mandatory Warren Beatty studies class at the kollege me attended.

Good luck on being an insider. We'll look for you in the celebrity Q&A in the free weekly TV guide that comes in the Sunday paper we steal off our neighbor's porch.

Mr. M

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Finally, someone has pointed out the impossibly unnoticed lunacy of GWB calling himself an "outsider". I mean, for Christ's sakes, George W, your Dad was el prez, you're a state governor, and so is your brother. You make the Kennedy family look like awkward freshmen.

Only in America would people actually swallow that bunk. Well, not entirely. In Canada we've just recently elected a new opposition leader (Stockwell Day) who's trying to position himself as "The Outsider" but, in my opinion, is looking more like a fundamentalist bumpkin from the small town prairies.

Thanks for calling some bullshit what it is.

Rob Tarzwell
<doctorbob@attcanada.ca>

The Kennedys, I rush to point out, are true outsiders. For instance, Bobby Kennedy, long before he walked over that hill with Abraham, Martin, and John, was senator from New York, a state in which he reportedly never stepped foot.

Mr. M

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

"Franklin Pierce, best known then as a northern supporter of slavery and now as the source for Hawkeye's name in M*A*S*H)," I believe Hawkeye comes from a James Fenimore Cooper book, maybe Last of the Mohicans. He was a northern writer, Coopersburg NY to be exact.

Scoats
<scoats@greylodge.com>

"Hawkeye" did indeed come from Last of the Monoxidils, by Cooper. Howebber, Alan Alda's character was named "Benjamin Franklin Pierce" and hailed from the grate state of Maine — home of Bowdoin College, whereat Nat Hawthorne and Franklin Pierce become buds (Hawthorne even wrote a pathetic campaign bio of the latter; well worth checking out as it has more lpp [laffs per page] than Young Goodman Brown and House of the Seven Gables put together).

Mr. M

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

Subject: stay gold, pony boy.

Mr.Mxyzptlk,

This is the writing I read suck for. The blatant hypocrisy that no one seems to remark on, yet is right there in everyone's face. How sad that the only thing most of the people you referred to in your article were truly outside of was the experience of "common" people. Anyhow, I'm really pissed at the sons (and daughters) of privilege describing themselves (or being described as) outsiders. So what I'm saying is...excellent article!

your pal mal
<aztec_mummy@centropolis.org>

Dear le petit mal,

I'm beside myself with joy and, if I wasn't so "in" that I couldn't be bothered to show such feelings of vindication. I just might. But please don't contact me again. I'm off the Sheen family detox ranch in Malibu and can't be bothered.

Mr. M

 
[Mr. McFeely Speedy Delivery My Ass]
 

 The Shit
Krushchev Remembers, by Nikita Krushchev (authorship disputed), translated by Strobe Talbott
Five-Star Day Cafe
Athens, Ga.
Salon's "Action Figures"
TV ad
Donna's Famous "Long and Short of It," by Donna Anderson and friends
Two-Lane Blacktop, directed by Monte Hellman (The Anchor Bay/Universal letterboxed edition)
George Bush, Dark Prince of Love: A Presidential Romance, by Lydia Millet (Scribner)
King Kong: The Complete 1933 Film Score, by Max Steiner Moscow Symphony Orchestra, William J. Stromberg conductor (Marco Polo)
Eightball #20, by Dan Clowes (Fantagraphics Books)
The ECW's Little Spike Dudley
Stan Kenton, City of Glass, featuring arrangements by legendary weirdo Bob Graettinger (EMD/Blue Note)
Comix 2000, Edited and published by L'Association, 2000
Star Dudes
Do you know of stuff that doesn't actively suck? Things so good they deserve to make the Shitlist? Send your suggestions to us.

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