for 4 August 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY. |
![[Tim Cavanaugh]](/fish/staff/images/tim.gif)
Tim Cavanaugh Special Guest Editor 
Terry Colon Art Director 
Heather Havrilesky Senior Editor ![[Phillip Bailey]](/fish/staff/images/phil.gif){kind=small}
Phillip Bailey Production Editor 
Joey Anuff Publisher 
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Hit & Run
Sucksters: I'm no flag-bearer for morphing, but, in truth, does any rail scream "1994" quite as embarrassingly as those against morphing? As well, you'll note that a morph, subtly rendered, can be a provocative, destabilizing image; see the one at the end of the *What Lies Beneath* trailer, as the antagonist utters the line, "Your wife..." to a frazzled Harrison Ford. Great take on *The Perfect Storm*, though. Impressive, when I first saw the trailer in the theatre; have yet to see the movie, if only for that reason. Meanwhile, on the other hand, I've yet to tire from the smarmy wit of what, to me, is one of the great movie metaphors in cinematic history: that of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave being stripped to the atomic nucleus by an exawatt alien ray gun in *Independence Day*. Suck on, Harry Allen <HarryAllen1@aol.com> We'll assume you're joking about the trick in the What Lies Beneath trailer, which we suspect discouraged more potential viewers than it brought in. But there's nothing more dismal than an effect that's supposed to be really cool but isn't. And morphing, whether it's a morph of an X-Files villain, of Shaq in Steel, or of Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan, is an effect we can no longer look on without feeling an acute sense of regret and shame. yr pal, Morphin' Downey Jr. 
hey, Just wanted to write and thank you for referring to Shining Time Station " an enduring if inexplicable favorite among still-drooling viewers." This article made my day. I played "Matt", the lovable moptop, on Shining Time for the first Season and a half before being replaced by cheaper, more Canadian kids and it's always funny to accidentally find some kind of reference to it. Suck just keeps getting better and better. The Martin Lawrence piece was mind blowing. What an egotistical bastard. Back in my day, I never asked to more than 3 trailers. keep up the good stuff, Jason <RoysTeeth@aol.com> You have a kindred spirit here. Or you did, at any rate: Phil Bailey, Suck's dearly departed production guy, was once a star on the Northern California version of Romper Room. [Special alert for Central Jersey headbangers: Phil's band Systematic will be opening for Napstercides Metallica at the Meadowlands later this month. We wish Phil the very best in his new career as a rock and roll degenerate.] Lovable Moptop
You guys are just so arch. Harley Davis <hdavis@museprime.com> It's all so perfectly fucking grand, isn't it? Archers
Robinson Crane: Kelsey Grammer Marooned Again "...that group of people shipwrecked on that island, slowly turning against each other." But I still can't quite figure out why I can't stop hearing Mr.Magoo's voice when I read the Kelsey Grammer cartoon. <steveo@panix.com> I think it's because Terry's illustration brings out the Magooean sense of perserverance that characterizes Grammer's never-say-die efforts to transcend his status as Frasier Crane. An excellent artistic choice on Terry's part, I say... Huck
"Olivier, or Branagh, or Selleck." A non sequitur if ever I read one. Great job on the rest of it, though. <heinzhemken@earthlink.net> Go back and look at the work. Three Men and a Baby compares favorably with anything in the Olivier and Branagh canons if you ask me. A lot of that's due to the presence of Gutenberg, of course, but Selleck more than holds his own. Huck
Hit & Run Sucksters: Seeing that The Boy Who Would Be King had picked one of his Pappy's pasty doughy toadies as his VP was the funniest thing I had encountered in a good long while. I'm hoping now that he wins, so his presidency can be called "Bush II: Electric Boogaloo". Stochastically yours, RandomGuy <random_guy_1a@yahoo.com> You must not encounter many funny things, Random Guy. At Suck, the concept of a Bush/Dick ticket is considered so dull we can barely keep from passing out in our dribble cups. Toady Sure, for cheesy pop culture references one could site _Bull Durham_, but my favorite sound bite on Ms. S. is from David Wojnarowicz in _Close to the Knives_ where he refers to "Susan Whatshername" and her opinions on photography. Brian Zimmerman <bmzimmer@midway.uchicago.edu> If I had a name like "Wojnarowicz" I'd be careful about calling anybody "Whatshername." I've always thought of that guy as "David Whatsisname," actually. Sincerely, Dick Cuntly I'm amazed that it took this long for anyone to grasp the Phoebe Cates-Susan Sontag motif. Zach Galligan's character, of course, was a blatant surrogate for Isaiah Berlin, but you know how it is -- this stuff goes right over people's heads. Charlie Haas <charliehaas@earthlink.net> So who was Keye Luke's "Grandfather" character really supposed to be? Sucksters Dear Suckers, However grand and involved the tandentious animated photo-shoot of a febrile children's show may be, the facts remain plain that I do not want to subject anyone, let alone children, to the extraordinarily phallic, nay, grotesquely penile imagery of thomasetc. the whole idea of an entire movie of these gigantic, toroidly nimbused, upthrust, fat and dirty stacks, chuffing and sweating along in a whole-heartedly and unabashedly erotic fashion is just unbearable. It has made me all-aquiver, gentlemen. Carl <caterbro@juno.com> You may be on the right track, Carl. But actually it's Alec Baldwin who's the extraordinarily phallic, toroidly nimbused, upthrust, fat and dirty stack. And that makes everybody in the Suck mailroom, at least, all-aquiver. Toroid Nimbus I really enjoyed hearing about what an asshole Martin Lawrence is. I remember hearing that Eddy Murphy behaves similarly and wonder if this is a common trait amongst african-american comedians. Maybe you could inform the suck reading public of african-american comedians that don't suck and whom you haven't written about in the last two months. George Bush Jr. and Susan Sontag, I really don't care to read about these people. I'd prefer to hear about Ralph Nader and Mother Teresa. Your motion picture recommendation is disappointing. But if you're target demographic is clean-living infants maybe you're as smart as the tobacco companies at capturing your customers early. If you're going to knock X-Men for its visual effects maybe you should let Terry give his opinion. Also, maybe you could recommend motion pictures by categories such as R-rated, Action, Based on True Story and Summertime Classic from the Past. My nominations respectively are The 5 Senses(Haven't seen it yet but I hope that it will be good), Gladiator, On The Ropes and A Streetcar Named Desire. yours, TWF <twistedfuck@yahoo.com> Sadly, idiotic stars and the airs they put on have no connection to race, creed or color. If, like me, you're a ravenous reader of books about Gilligan's Island, you know that no less a light than Tina Louise was once a maniacally pampered starlet. The pattern Martin is following has less to do with the color of his skin than with the fact that he is an absolute no-talent bum, a worthless tub of goo incapable of giving a funny line reading or a mildly amusing reaction. Martin is the death of all comedy, a vast, flatulent blob who is to amusement as Kryptonite is to Superman. When I contemplate a world where Martin Lawrence is considered a comic master, I wonder if it was really worth saving all those Calcutta orphans back in the day. Mother Teresa How Martin Lawrence became famous for being a comedian is one of the World's Greatest Mysteries, second only to how Paulie Shore did the same. He is so breath-takingly unfunny that all the problems his ego causes on the set are just drops in a bucket. Anyone who can withstand an two hour full frontal Martin Movie assault sure as hell will not be bothered by lighting problems and continuity errors. yr pal, cam <cameron@slip.net> We're still waiting for Martin and Pauly to team up for a new comedy project. They could be the Kid and Play of the aughts. Sucksters |
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