for 3 April 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Rough Trade Subject: Oh brave new world that has such acronyms in it B2B (who invents these acronyms anyway?) has very little to do with buying pencils on line. Done properly (as, for example Wal-Mart does it), it's a way of massively streamlining a business model. It's all tied into just-in- time manufacturing, lean inventory, constant quality improvement, and a host of business buzzwords that are dead boring to read about but are probably the reason productivity is growing at maybe 4% instead of 1.5%. In the wonderful world of doubling your money every 20 minutes, going from an annual rate of less than 2% to more than 4% is a rounding error, so naturally interest in B2B focuses on the dot coms (another idiot term...I tell you, we've got to find the person responsible and hurt him seriously) who make the most noise. In the real world, however, a 4% productivity rate means the society gets richer sufficiently quickly as to keep the peasants from revolting. Which is important and a Good Thing. Just don't expect to hear about it on CNBC. Alan S Kornheiser <ASKornheiser@prodigy.net> Indeed, B2B seems to have little to do with buying anything online, except for a hope and a promise, and maybe a few million shares of some dubious startup. Most of the business revolutions you've cited have been far more improved by FedEx and email than they will be by dubious "trading exchanges". And even if they do, the technologists will be put into place as the hired help they are. Take, for example, how the Big Three automakers put Commerce One and Oracle in their place, forcing them to play nice and build just one exchange — and not for the price of two, either. Love, Jonathan  Subject: nice rap... ...on the nature of the fuzziness between B2B, B2C and, of course, B2ME. Good for you. You have recognized the unbelievable deception about this internet stuff and actually gotten published. Wow, good for you! Today's technology is really cool, but hardly any people really care about that shit. They care about how much it is gonna cost'em and what it's gonna do for'em and that is hardly unreasonable. That is human nature and it will continue on as long as us humans can afford to buy stuff. Really appreciate your perspective. In the long run, this kind of stuff is very important in the face of the outrageous hype about online solutions these days. Doug Cummings <mcmingus@home.com> Lest you think there's any big conspiracy I've overcome, getting published in Suck is easier than you think, and the magic of today's stock market is that day traders are the same folks who watch The X-Files: they want to believe. Outrageous hype requires outrageous measures. Yours, Jonathan Nice piece, Have you seen this site yet (more evidence to the backlash against the whole eCommerce movement...) http://www.blowthedotoutyourass.com/ Brett Baer <bbaer@vr1.com> I've seen some of this wheat-pasted resistance, and find myself wondering if it isn't some kind of wannabe-subversive advertising campaign for Network Solutions. Yours, Jonathan Project Zapster The idea of thousands of fake accounts with mislabelled ABH files is actually a workable idea. I have a feeling the movie industry moguls have already started using this defensive strategy on Hotline... Gordon Stewart <stewarg@yahoo.com> But then the geeks are just going to counter with better tools. And then Old Media will come up with some new scheme. And... It's the virus/copy-protection battle all over again, but with the roles reversed. Those damned corporate punks don't care about anything! They're anarchists! Anarchists! Greg Knauss i'm sure i'll have someting to say once the shock wears off so please don't auto-ignore me yet, but i just had to react to 'zapster' by emailing you one short note of admiration. "you guys are like gods." given religious precident, please forgive the lack of definitave proof of strong supporting argument. <p0pstar@hotmail.com> Well, thanks, Mr. Star. We've always said that definitive proof isn't needed as long as you believe. And if you do believe, send cash now or we'll kill you. Suck is an Old God. Greg Knauss Oh you fucked up! I would hope that this article was written solely in jest... I niether represent the developers or the users of napster, but in a world where you pay for the thing God made for free I say it's time the people found a way to get over on the industry. If people want to trade songs over the internet to one another free of charge, so be it, if you're not a recording artist or a member of the conglomerate orginaztions that have been raping the finances of the world's people through the overpricing of tapes and CD's, Lp's and 8 tracks, I dont see what the hell you're bitching about, Raul. Additionally, the cost of music increases almost every fiscal year, but the question is, does the salary of the recording artist also increase? Very little, and compared to what the companies(pimps) make off thier artists(hoes), they might as well be recording for free. So in conclusion, music is a gift, it is as nessecary to the human soul as is water and air to the body, and frankly much of the music that is out today SUCKS, it must be on the behalf of the executives, and the underwriters and the all CEO's that this article was written... I enjoy reading SUCK everday, and this letter is not to discredit the many fine editors and journalists who work for SUCK, it's just for you RAUL to let you know that your opinion on this subject SUCKS, and next time proof-read your work before you start opening that cock-holster of yours to down-talk anything, I will also make sure you get alot of feedback on this one, I sure I'm not the only one who thinks you SUCK!! Joseph Mitchell <josephcmitchell@hotmail.com> Well, I'm convinced! Waiter, I'll have a double of whatever he's having! And you'd better tie me down first. Greg Knauss Subject: Where do you get your demographics? Being an avid reader of Suck for about 2 years, imagine my surprise at having my demographic nailed so handily. Not only was I running my week-old download of Napster in the background, but I was also downloading some cheery NIN to listen to! Whether you get your demographics from speculative wild-eyed intuition or as part of a bigger corporate machine, I am very impressed, if not a little creeped out. Assuming that young urban professionals like myself are the big target for corporations, I would expect you to be floating the Suck IPO from your ad revenue alone. As far as your Hipster idea, there will always be plenty of brand-conscious people to buy the physical media. Just look at vinyl collectors and enthusiasts to see how outmoded technology can still keep a warm spot in the hearts of so many Neil Diamond aficionados. I see little to worry about for the recording industry. Cheers, Jason Payne <jpaynes@peoplepc.com> I don't know that Neil Diamond's vinyl sales are going to keep anybody waist-deep in cocaine, Jason, and the market for wax cylinders isn't what it once was either. If the industry can't hang on to young urban professionals like you, it's in deep, deep doo-doo. Oh, and we only nailed your demographic so well because of the cameras. Jesus, man, take your finger out of your nose. Greg Knauss Our Crass-roots Movement continued Subject: Suck forevah, and evah and evah and evah.... Dear Sucksters.... I noticed (be the thorough and dedicated reader that I am...) that Anand Bhat got a t-shirt for writing an e-mail! Well, I wrote an e-mail too. To Shift Magazine about their shiftlist which lists Word, McSweeney's and the Onion as their e-zines of choice. So I wrote them a few choice words about their lack of discrimination and taste when they posted their choices. Unlike Anand, however I didn't bother to document the letter (and I'm too lazy to write a reproduction), because I didn't really think e-mail would count. So, uh, I' want what's coming to me. I don't want a t-shirt, but some stickers would be nice....or you could print my letter! Yeah, that would be the highlight of my week at least! If you do, don't forget to print this part: OTTAWA SENATORS RULE! Well, OK, I'm done begging. For now that is! Regards, Malcolm Jean <mjean@fitt.ca> Attention to detail, Malcolm. That's the name of the game. We want to see those choice words. Also, confronting publications about their omission of Suck.com from their coverage really works better if you don't lead by commenting on their lack of discrimination and taste. You catch more bees with honey, baby. First, you flatter and fawn, then you gently inquire about why Suck wasn't included. Petty insults and foot-stamping really only work here at Suck, where the rule is more like, "You catch more flies with shit." Everywhere else that stuff will get you ignored. And for Christ's sake, let's see a little effort out there! We're in an expansive mood in terms of giving away free stuff, but all of you's better be aware that Suck High Flyer Timothy Tolle has substantially raised the bar for what we consider merch-worthy activity. That kid got out there, spent his own money, traveled across the City of the Angels, and stood up proudly for what he believed. There wasn't a dry eye in the house! You don't necessarily have to go to that length, but put some shoulder into it. This "I sent an email, where's my shirt?" business is fine for the Fish page, but we want to see style and chutzpah, creativity and spectacle. Work the phones! Work the streets! Make your voice heard! Don't just think free merchandise means an unlimited five-fingered discount, as if the Suck storefront window has just been smashed open by a trash can (although, of course, throwing a trash can through a storefront window is the type of activity we'd be inclined to reward). But no big deal. All we had to do was publish your letter. Go Ottawa Senators! Sucksters Free Lori Hi: I am the father of Lori Berenson, wrongfully incarcerated in Peru for four years and four months. The webmaster of our www.freelori.org site sent me a message from Suck magazine (March 24) where the writer mentioned a disappointment with not receiving an award but put things in perspective about disappointments by mentioning my daughter Lori's plight. I must say I had difficulty figuring out how to email you and I hope this is going to the correct address (the message from the webmaster came from suck.com). I just wanted to say thank you for writing this and mentioning Lori. I wish she could have a computer and read your web site -- but she is denied anything electronic. She has no access to radio, TV, phone, newspapers or magazines. She is cut off from the world. She once was quite proficient with the computer -- she now has been cut off for 52 months. She could never contemplate the amount of technological progress that has occurred since her arrest? With appreciation for your concerns, Mark Berenson <berenson@freelori.org> Good luck with your fight. Glad we could be helpful in some small way. Sucksters |
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