The Fish
for 24 March 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
Copy Editor


[Phillip Bailey]
Phillip Bailey
Production Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude)
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager


Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor


[the fixin'
pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar


Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager

Should I write in a vote for

The self-important
("esteemed") Webby Awards
judges left Suck off the
nominees list this year. In
lieu of vengeful,
time-consuming DNS attacks,
and in the spirit of the
merchandise-fueled grassroots
campaign, I've decided to
just write in "" to
win an award. Apparently,
this is a popular notion
because the Webby site told
me I wasn't the first.

I don't expect any items in
return for this miniscule
gesture, but I'm sure your
legion(s) of fans would
appreciate your preference as
far as categories go --"Print
& Zines" or "Humor." You've
been nominated before in
both, so the Webby people
can't figure it out either.

John Teti

Thanks for your support,
John. Real stickers with
sticky backs are headed your
way even as we speak. Suck
fully endorses all efforts to
disrupt the orderly
functioning of the Webby
Awards. We have endorsed such
efforts in past years and
will continue to do so until
such time as Suck is awarded
first prizes in the Webbys'
Fashion, Living and Sports

But let's keep something in
mind. Suck has been unfairly
ignored over the years. But
Lori Berenson has been held
without trial in a Peruvian
prison for more than four
years. Ms. Berenson's
continued incarceration is a
rebuke to all people who
treasure liberty and honor
due process of law.
Therefore, we urge all our
readers to put aside Suck's
concerns for a moment and
write into
the Webbys' "Humor" category
— and any other Webby
categories which you see fit.

Thanks for listening, and
let's free Lori Berenson.

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit & Run

You people rock. I've been
telling my witless,
Protestant, Jewish and Hindu
friends that they don't seem
to understand how significant
the statement by the Pope is
but they've just responded
with crying, whining or some
kind of crazy, Hindustani
chant to their pagan gods.
This is, of course, better
than the response from the
Agnostics, which is a blank
stare, or that from the
Atheists, which is some kind
of angry, inchorent muttering
about irrelevance and some
word that sounds a little too
much like moronosity. So, by
posting on Suck that its the
act and not the action,
you've managed to cement
Catholic theological
dominance at one
telecommunications start-up.
Thank you, God bless you and
realize we're knocking off a
couple years in purgatory for

Elijah Meeks

Would you mind not telling
everybody our game plan,
Elijah? The last guy to try
cementing Catholic
theological dominance in
America was JFK Sr., and look
what happened to him.

Fish With Letter Icon

Code This Book

dear boob,

the "Code This Book" article
was great; i wonder if "BOOK
READERS"(ha) will even give a
damn when they discover that
the 'urban tour-de-force'
novel they just read was
written by TRASHY, the
cognizant TRS-80 computer...


a boob fan

I often wonder that myself.
But what they don't know,
won't hurt them. TRASHY will
keep on keeping it real until
Tandy discontinues his power
supply, or until his poetry
slam vs. the Commodore PET is
made public. Let's hope
neither happens soon.


The Boob
Fish With Letter Icon

Do we have any Macedonians in
the audience?

Hello there from sunny
Macedonia... I guess you
don't have slightiest idea
where the hell this country
is, but i think that our
goverment could apply for
your name, Suck, in the UN
(We are referenced there by
some stupid burocrats and
Greece as FYROM, or Former
Yougoslav Republic of

Anyway, that's not my point.

How do u want to gain some
wider audience if you are so
concentrated on United states
only? There is a lot wider
audience in Europe, app. 300
milions of EU citizens. Did u
ever thought of localisation
for some particular market?
Then, word of mouth will come
up. will be where should
be; number 1 site.

Your regular reader (who,
btw, always reffering you as
n.1 on-line event at many
news groups in .mk domain)

Dragan Tomovski

Good to hear from you,
Dragan. Lucky you, to be
living among the gentle
shepherds and sunswept groves
in the land of Philip and
Alexander. Admittedly, we
haven't thought much about
your charming nation since we
stopped seeing those big
during Greek Pride Day. But
it's good Macedonians like
you who are helping to build
a more just and prosperous

yr pal,

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit & Run

Fuck the pope. His hateful
actions against women and
gays speak louder than his
hypicritical words. The man
makes me puke.


Simmer down, W. The Pope has
never been critical of
hypies. During his 1993
"Culture of Death" tour he
even skipped vespers to catch
the Dead at Red Rock.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: The enemy of my
enemy is my friend.

Dear Sucksters:

Just letting you know I
enjoyed the slag on Ted Rall
in today's SUCK (2000/03/16).

If you haven't seen 'em
already, there's lots of info
about the hilarious Rall v.
Hellman lawsuit at the
following sites:

Please keep up the good
work....if you ever need me,
just reach out and I'll be
there, baby.

dirty danny

One thing that's always
puzzled me while watching the
Rall-Hellman grudgematch and
noting the various wrestlers
who have weighed in (for
example on Mike Speranza's
petition): Why hasn't
Spiegelman himself ever given
you a vote of support? Not
that it would help with the
suit, but wouldn't that be
the decent gesture?

In any event, I had forgotten
Rall's weinified comments
about litigation and its
place in the coming commie
revolution; I hope this will
serve as one more reminder of
the bankruptcy of
Marxist/Leninist ideas and
encourage everybody to jump
into our great capitalist
hottub, where the water is
always scintillating!

yr pal,

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Making noise about
you guys

Dear Sucksters,

The February 8, 2000 of PC
Magazine had a list of the
best 100 sites on the
Internet. I was shocked to
find that you were not
mentioned! I wrote an angry
email to them at pcmag@ . The letter is at the
bottom of this email. I then
read that you were no longer
selling Suck merchandise and
would only give it to people
for their loyalty. I wrote
this email for that reason.
If you think my action is
eligble for a reward, I would
gladly accept it. I will send
a copy of this letter via
snail mail to the PC Magazine
office tommorow.

Keep sucking!

Anand Bhat

Dear PC Magazine,

In your February 8, 2000
issue, you had a list of the
100 best sites on the
Internet. Sadly, you did not
mention anywhere! is the oldest daily
web publication on the net.
The fact that it did not even
get a mention is an insult to
a site that provides daily
laughs only for the price of
looking at the adds at the
bottom of the screen. The
Sucksters were trying to make
the web the place to be way
before most of the sites you
mentioned had even an inkling
of a idea about what to do
about the medium. To not pay
homage to these pioneers of
content and the web who
deliver low-tech laughs for
four years now is an insult
to readers of and itself.


Anand Bhat

Nice work, Anand. Pioneers!
Very rustic!

Your T-shirt is in the mail.

Fish With Letter Icon

 The Shit
Krushchev Remembers, by Nikita Krushchev (authorship disputed), translated by Strobe Talbott
Five-Star Day Cafe
Athens, Ga.
Salon's "Action Figures"
TV ad
Donna's Famous "Long and Short of It," by Donna Anderson and friends
Two-Lane Blacktop, directed by Monte Hellman (The Anchor Bay/Universal letterboxed edition)
George Bush, Dark Prince of Love: A Presidential Romance, by Lydia Millet (Scribner)
King Kong: The Complete 1933 Film Score, by Max Steiner Moscow Symphony Orchestra, William J. Stromberg conductor (Marco Polo)
Eightball #20, by Dan Clowes (Fantagraphics Books)
The ECW's Little Spike Dudley
Stan Kenton, City of Glass, featuring arrangements by legendary weirdo Bob Graettinger (EMD/Blue Note)
Comix 2000, Edited and published by L'Association, 2000
Star Dudes
Do you know of stuff that doesn't actively suck? Things so good they deserve to make the Shitlist? Send your suggestions to us.

Little link
to Suck
Arrow Image
Contacting Us
Contributors Index
Little Barrel Link
Little Gun Link
machine producing Suck
Link To Tech Notes