for 13 March 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Don't Tell, Don't Tell Subject: The Military or Blunderbust I suspect that the readers of 'Soldier' didn't look far enough into the big picture. At least when I wrote human-interest articles for the Groton Navy Times, I put hidden content in there to say things otherwise censored. This can also be said for many of the journalists and some editors I worked for. You'd be amazed what we came up with to tell the real story without writing it. A great example was the moniker "PAO" -Public Affairs Office. Like a great many other offices, the PAO had its own emblem and an artsy-fartsy design. Like any good psychoanalisys test, the logo had two images. The first, "PAO" stood out, but "FTN" -short for Fuck The Navy - was hidden nicely among the artsy lines. All you have to do is poll most of the rank and file and the rosy image of brave men jumping from helicopters to the tune of Stars and Stripes Forever, soon vanishes. Good piece, but look closer next time. You might see that huge #6 screw jammed firmly up daddy's ass in the picture hanging on the wall. Cheers, Mike Carter <MCarter@hypercom.com> The rosy image of brave men jumping from helicopters to the tune of Stars and Stripes vanished, for me, at the reception battalion, in the "zero week" before I started basic training. It's gone downhill from there, pretty much. But the possibility that the post newspaper is running secret messages makes things a little more interesting. I will closely scrutinize all stories and images... Chris  Bray, good job on the suckdotcom article. When I was in Stewart we had a security rotation for the SOA's and I politlely asked my CO if he could leave me out of watching that stupid shit. To my suprise the Cap was sypathetic and let me stay back for the week. Fuck that place. NE ways- what the hell are you still doing in Benning now that you got yer cord??? OCS? Green Barrret? Or are you stationed there on the hill? BTW I understood the jargon because I went through all that Shit that yer going through, but I'm sure yer going to get some letters to the effect of "What are you talking about??" Later Dude Cisco Velasquez <fvelasqu@ball.com> I'm still at Benning because the army, in its infinite wisdom, has assigned me to the 1/29th. Which is the unit that supports mechanized infantry training at the Infantry School. So I pretty much do PMCS on a bunch of Bradleys, and sweep the motor pool, and pull guard on training sites. It's really, really unthrilling. But being here allows me to go to classes at night, and write, and I wouldn't be doing any of that in a line unit, so what the hell. Be awfully good to get home. In the meantime, I'm thinking of stapling my blue cord to a broom, so I can have it with me at work. You might have missed a fascinating chance to see into the belly of the beast, by the way, with that request to get out of SOA guard duty. All the SOA students eat in the same DFAC I use, and I greatly enjoy my little private rounds of the spot-the- human-rights- violator game... Chris So, remind me - why exactly *did* you join up anyway? Nice piece - always good to hear from you. Colburn and Thompson are major-league, world-class heroes. It's too bad you didn't have more space to go into just how loathed and despised they have been by Army Brass for the last 30 years. What surprised me about your story was that these guys would have been allowed through the doors, let alone been invited to speak, at a fascist soiree like the SotA. Wow! Sadly, as you noted, they are, like most real-life heroes, unreflective and somewhat inarticulate with regards to the larger issues that surround the events in which they found themselves. Too bad that broom-pushing PFC couldn't ask a few pithy questions. Be well and don't play with the Claymores. Dr. Robert <rss2@idt.net> I joined because, uh... Had to rub that one in, huh? And, you know, playing with Claymores is one of the few things I've enjoyed here. LOUD! BOOM! And then this big cloud of dust and debris. Beats pushing a broom. peace on earth, Chris Merchandise When are you going to get some more shirts and stickers? I am itching to do my duty as an American and spend money I don't have on crap I don't need. Mark Barrett <mbarrett@its.caltech.edu> We have new merchandise coming in, Mark. But as we have already explained, this merchandise will not be for sale. If you want Suck swag, you've got to earn it. For details, follow the link below. http://www.suck.com/fish/ 2000/03/03/ Sucksters Chuck E. Chief i am a student at Central Michigan University. an issue on campus is our beloved mascot: a Chippewa Indian. at this time the political correctness of our mascot is being challenged. i was wondering if SUCK has an opinion on the issue. the reason i ask is that i cannot decide. cheifchuck <cheifchuck@hotmail.com> Chief, On the one hand, my gut reaction is: Oh, don't be churlish. Give the Indians what they want. On the other hand, there's the Drew Carey reaction: Hey Indians, if you don't like it you should have fought harder. Since I can't decide between the two, I will revert to Suck's official position, which is that all are guilty and all must be punished. yr pal, tim Bush Bounces Back Two things come to mind reading your Suck piece today. First of all, W is not "Jr." HW is not "Sr." The reason is that W is "W" and HW is "HW". Second, have you noticed the eerie similarity between your piece and the "Dept. of Alliteration" thing being run in Slate today? That must be extremely irritating. Best, Tom <tcastle@asizip.com> Irritated? My editor, Mr d'Arcy, appears before Congress this afternoon to discuss the on-line humor monopoly Microsoft is currently creating. You see, they give you a near identical product to ours but bundle all their humor with software that hamstrings anyone else's jokes. You'll be reading our joke and then only be able to get to the CNN weather report site for the punchline. Thankfully, Ms. Reno is sympathetic to our cause. Or she will be, as long as Bartel keeps a lid on that Waco obsession of his ... you can't even have a drink with him anymore. He's always pulling out "video proof" of the whole damn thing. Anyway, wait'll we release Suckdows 01 next year, pal, then we'll see who's "irritated." Bertolt Blecht Subject: The McCainchurchian candidate? If I were Bush, I'd also raise troubling doubts about McCain's potential for Manchurchian Candidate-ism; after all, McCain was in that POW camp for more than 4 years — who knows what those godless commie rats did to him? At the next debate, Bush ought to get some intern to dress up like the Queen of Diamonds, or suggest to McCain that he ought to go jump in a lake, just to see what happens. Richard Von Busack <regisgoat@earthlink.net> Our feeling is Bush won't touch that, Richard. After all, Junior spent four years at Yale #&151 and God knows what those commie rats did to him. Bertolt Blecht |
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