for 10 March 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
|
|
Merchandise When are you going to get some more shirts and stickers? I am itching to do my duty as an American and spend money I don't have on crap I don't need. Mark Barrett <mbarrett@its.caltech.edu> We have new merchandise coming in, Mark. But as we have already explained, this merchandise will not be for sale. If you want Suck swag, you've got to earn it. For details, follow the link below. http://www.suck.com/fish/ 2000/03/03/ Sucksters  Chuck E. Chief i am a student at Central Michigan University. an issue on campus is our beloved mascot: a Chippewa Indian. at this time the political correctness of our mascot is being challenged. i was wondering if SUCK has an opinion on the issue. the reason i ask is that i cannot decide. cheifchuck <cheifchuck@hotmail.com> Chief, On the one hand, my gut reaction is: Oh, don't be churlish. Give the Indians what they want. On the other hand, there's the Drew Carey reaction: Hey Indians, if you don't like it you should have fought harder. Since I can't decide between the two, I will revert to Suck's official position, which is that all are guilty and all must be punished. yr pal, tim Bush Bounces Back Two things come to mind reading your Suck piece today. First of all, W is not "Jr." HW is not "Sr." The reason is that W is "W" and HW is "HW". Second, have you noticed the eerie similarity between your piece and the "Dept. of Alliteration" thing being run in Slate today? That must be extremely irritating. Best, Tom <tcastle@asizip.com> Irritated? My editor, Mr d'Arcy, appears before Congress this afternoon to discuss the on-line humor monopoly Microsoft is currently creating. You see, they give you a near identical product to ours but bundle all their humor with software that hamstrings anyone else's jokes. You'll be reading our joke and then only be able to get to the CNN weather report site for the punchline. Thankfully, Ms. Reno is sympathetic to our cause. Or she will be, as long as Bartel keeps a lid on that Waco obsession of his ... you can't even have a drink with him anymore. He's always pulling out "video proof" of the whole damn thing. Anyway, wait'll we release Suckdows 01 next year, pal, then we'll see who's "irritated." Bertolt Blecht Subject: The McCainchurchian candidate? If I were Bush, I'd also raise troubling doubts about McCain's potential for Manchurchian Candidate-ism; after all, McCain was in that POW camp for more than 4 years — who knows what those godless commie rats did to him? At the next debate, Bush ought to get some intern to dress up like the Queen of Diamonds, or suggest to McCain that he ought to go jump in a lake, just to see what happens. Richard Von Busack <regisgoat@earthlink.net> Our feeling is Bush won't touch that, Richard. After all, Junior spent four years at Yale #&151 and God knows what those commie rats did to him. Bertolt Blecht Filler Subject: You are a goddess on a stick. But don't just stop at hetero couples to avoid, how about gay and lesbian couples to avoid!!! Mike Friedman <mikefriedman@pacbell.net> How did you know that I was on a stick? If a gay man or lesbian wants to send me some profiles of gay couples to avoid, I'd be thrilled. But am I the most appropriate author for such a piece? It would be insulting, cliché, completely stale to anyone who knew better. Then again, most of Filler is. Polly Subject: some like it hot Now I want to go see "some like it hot" again. Was that the intended effect? David L. Nicol <david@kasey.umkc.edu> Precisely! Polly Hit & Run 3.2.00 Sucksters, I'd like to note for you that amongst young men originally from Nova Scotia, Canada but currently living in Dublin, Ireland, the concept of dot-comming profanities and deragatory remarks is well under war. While my sample group consists of only four participants, a full twenty-five percent of them make frequent use of the charming phrase "What the fuck-dot-com?", occasionally prefaced by "Dude" or the less secular "Jesus Christ". I can picture the future in which all such remarks are dot-commed, which should, in five or ten years, allow for you to make the occasional clever pun or double-entendre, while simultaneously fuelling a hilarious old man complex. You'll teach those youngins all about what suck.com meant before it meant suck. In an amusing twist, it meant exactly what it means, which is exactly what it will mean. Bravo, Sucksters. You're driving the language into a new world of suffixes! Sincrely yours, Liam Black <lblack@marlborough.ie> Gonna go way out on a limb here, Liam, and make two guesses: 1. that you are that one person out of the group of four who says "What the fuck-dot-com?" and so on, and 2. that you have no trouble getting other people to leave you alone. yr pal, tim Dear lord. Just when I thought I'd had my fill of alternative top-level-domain hype, along comes Ralph Nader's minions of righetous fury to suggest the following: the .sucks TLD. I live in fear. Sam Leibowitz <sleibowitz@btcwcu.org> Yeah, that damn Nader's been ripping off our stuff ever since he stole our whole "seatbelts save lives" platform. Sucksters Spreading the good news of Suck Dear Sucksters, I followed your fish advice after reading the EW 'Out of Print' article. I joined their pathfinder boards discussion thingie (opening me up to junk e-mail - I'll start sharpening my machete now in prepararion) so I could do a plug for suck. It's Message 334 in the 'Talk About The Magazine' section. I tried putting a hyperlink for the site, but after editting the msg it may not have taken. Warm fuzzies to you and yours, Greg Whitmer <DORKSRUS@prodigy.net> Excellent work, Greg. Your pro-Suck post on the EW site is a small but witty example of the kind of thing all proud Suck fans should be doing on a regular basis. Quality Suck merchandise is on its way to you right now. And for the rest of you, get the message out. You will be rewarded for promoting Suck in all public forums. Feats of greater derring-do will be rewarded with even higher quality Suck products. |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||
   |
||||||||||||||||||||
 |  |
|||||||||||||||||||
 |   | |||||||||||||||||||
![[Tim Cavanaugh]](/fish/staff/images/tim.gif)
![[Copy Edit]](/fish/contributors/images/gies.gif){kind=small}
![[Phillip Bailey]](/fish/staff/images/phil.gif){kind=small}
![[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]](/fish/staff/images/erin.gif){kind=small}
![[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]](/fish/staff/images/brian.gif)
![[the fixin'
pixie... ]](/fish/staff/images/emily.gif)
![[Ian
Connelly]](/fish/staff/images/ian.gif){kind=small}