for 23 February 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Filler Polly, I'm going to hunt you down and ablate your clit, lest you stop writing your humorless and moreover supremely faggoty collumn. Please, please, oh fucking please stop ruining Suck mid-week. Jeff Exner <hotttbunzz@hotmail.com> Hmm. Talk of angry alterations to the female anatomy and hints of homophobia in the same email. You don't have to be Dr. Drew to know that something fishy's going on here. I urge you to consider discussing your feelings with a professional in the near future. Wishing I were even more faggotty, Polly  I have been holding my nose and reading Suck every day since 1979 (That's 350 internet years). Filler 2.9.00 was one of the best things to appear on Suck. Make that - to appear on the web. No, one of the best things ever written anywhere. Including the Bible or anything by L. Ron Hubbard. Don't let Suck hold you back. You deserve a larger forum for your singular voice. Let me know how I can help. Eric Wesoff <wesoff@mindspring.com> Ah yes. My writings are often compared with the works of L. Ron Hubbard, who also seems to deserve a larger forum for his singular voice. You can help by joining my cult and signing over your estate to me. Mind... head. Polly I'm a self-absorbed, pretentious, perennially depressed 20ish SWM with just enough intelligence too realize how little I know (and thus hate myself) and just good-looking and charming enough to have the opportunity to have my fledgling self-esteem ripped to shreds by some very good-looking women (and thus hate myself). I enjoy writing uninspired, self-indulgent poetry and barely tolerable wuss-rock. I tend to be attracted to females who are also hip and moody to the point of self-parody. Being one of these females, would you recommend I continue to pursue these unfulfilling, emotionally-draining relationships, or just take the cosmic hint and join a monastery? Jason Lord <Jason_Lord@ndsu.nodak.edu> I'm moody beyond the point of self-parody, and not very hip. I recommend you stop drinking too much, get a therapist, and give up on hip people. Hipness arises from self-consciousness, and self-consciousness is the cause of bad conversations, bad art, and all other dishonest self-interested pursuits, like self-indulgent poetry and barely tolerable wuss-rock. It's also the cause of emails that tout one's patheticness, and columns that tout one's patheticness. Oops, that's Filler. Uh, forget it. Stay the course! Polly Subject: Hope You're Doing O.k. Polly, I know this is satire, but your Valentine's Day article goes a little into the realm of "get a grip". I see where you're going, but it should be with a lean towards "These are things that annoy me about the one I love." You start off with the assumption that we all hate our girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives and lovers. You wore me out with bitter before you could draw me in with wit. For your sake, I hope you're not in the kind of relationship you've described. If you are, get out! Jeff Brown <JBROWN@COMMONWEALTH.com> Humor without exaggeration is like sex without imagination. Furthermore, if you can't accept the whole range of human emotions, and you can't accept the fact that there are days when you think your significant other is a horrible monster out to destroy your life, then you're probably repressing your emotions. Even great relationships are incredibly tough. If that's shocking or depressing to you, you probably aren't in one. More power to you! Your humorless faggoty friend, Polly Revolting Acts It's good to see that the contraversy over I-695 is still getting attention outside of Washington state. Unfortunately, we're stuck with it, and what the "talented" Eyman has gotten away with is really deplorable. The initiative was largely supported by non-commuting suburbia and counties in Eastern Washingston (sticksville). So the rest of us city-dwellers who voted against this stupid initiative have to endure even longer commutes, cancelled bus routes, and delayed freeway improvements, among other things. Tim Eyman is an idiot, as far as I'm concerned, but a crafty one who knows who'll buy into his political impulses, and how to spin his ideas to those poor suckers. He was also a staunch supporter of I-200, the initiative to halt affirmative action programs in this state, just so you know. Thanks for the article. Suzanne Asprea <sasprea@tfmg.com> You're welcome. Yeah, I-200 was the test run for I-695, wasn't it? Appealing to a very specific, angry voter base with little desire to research the implications of their vote, resulting in economic damage to specific sub-groups and general economic losses limited to the major cities that is difficult to quantify because it involves potential rather than actual business. All to further a vague political issue rather than one of governance or economics. I'd say very crafty. 40th Street Black Who gives a rat's ass? One scam after another to free the poor ultrarich of the chains of responsibility are pressed and passed with the fervent assistance of those who are most harmed by such "reforms". People in a Democracy truly get the government and policies they deserve. R. Bruce Anderson, Ph.D. Department of PoliticalScience Hastings College <banderson@hastings.edu> Yes, but the people who vote against the reforms get the government and policies the other people deserve. 40th Street Black The Democrats' "simplified progressive tax plans" will prove an oxymoron, as the Barbara Streisand exemption has already shown (i.e., if you're a heavy contributor, guess what you get in return?). I fail to see how keeping money out of the hands of government is generally a bad thing. These are the same self-serving asses whose "War on Drugs" has resulted in a factual war on the civil rights of the poor and not-so-poor alike. If restraining the police state requires a meat axe, so be it. Rob McMillin <rlm@pricegrabber.com> The problem with using a meat axe to restrain the police state is the judgment of this particular butcher. Those programs are the last to go. 40th Street Black Filler Hey Polly: Just wanted to say thanks for the laugh. "You people are fucking with my emotional development in ways you can scarcely imagine." Hah! I've been thinking that about you guys since 1996. JWH <jhardin@mail.sbc-adv.com> Imagine, then, how much we're fucking with our own emotional development just by being here for you all these years. Your charitable friend, Polly Long live Mr. Flinchy! Does he make a comeback this year? John Fracisco <john.fracisco@mindspring.com> Oh, Mr. Flinchy makes a comeback at least three or four times per hour. Studies show that every ten minutes, there's a Mr. Flinchy somewhere ducking out of some responsibility or implied obligation. Maybe a public service announcement is called for... Polly |
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