for 1 February 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Filler Polly, You are one warped, twisted little person. I like that. Keep up the kick-ass work about the diluted life. JoeE <christos3000@hotmail.com> Well, I was focusing mostly on the deluded life, but come to think of it, the concept of the diluted life is worth pursuing as well. Some people dilute their lives with whiskey and women of ill repute. Others dilute their lives with investment strategies and vacation plans. Others dilute their lives with complicated relationships and yoga. Others dilute their lives with grapefruit soda and bad TV. Diluting is a double-edged sword: If you have a tendency to live in your head too much, it can keep you focused on the concrete. It can take some of the neurotic edge off of things. But if you dilute too much, you might just wake up one morning and say, "Holy shit, I've done nothing but drink grapefruit soda and watch bad TV for the last six months!" Dilution can be its own form of delusion. Yours in undiluted delusion, Polly  Just this last Tuesday The New York Times had an article in the Science Times section about the woeful inability of the incompetent to accurately judge their own performance. You might want to read it. lucas phillips <lucas@futureperf.com> I'm absolutely unable to judge my own performance, but something tells me your performance has been lacking for years now. Have you tried watching videos first? You know, to get in the mood? Polly Subject: Cows Why don't you write some stuff about cows? I never see cows in Filler. I like cows. Kevin Connelly <connelly@gene.com> Cows. Are cows funny? Cows aren't evil, that's for sure. I think you have to be evil to be funny. Evil or incompetent. Hence Pat Buchanan's dual appeal. Polly There is nothing better then sitting down and polishing off a nice cool bottle of Nyquil while reading Filler. I prefer the green stuff cause it gives a little extra kick over that pussy Dayquil shit they try to pass off to people who want to "be productive" and "have good motor skills." I find the extra challenge of driving while completely zombiefied on Nyquil exhilarating and enlightening. So excuse me while I take another round. I loved this Filler; don't take any shit from some schmoe who doesn't know the power of over-the-counter drugs. Faithful Suck fan, Nathan Schill <nas@yourinter.net> Uh ... green stuff? The Nyquil I had was red. It used to be green though, didn't it? Or does it come in different colors? I have to say, that pussy Dayquil shit is a very exciting shade of orange. Fighting the power of over-the-counter drugs, Polly From the Mouths of Babes Subject: Poor Elián Dear Suck Solomon or Just Suck: Your article on poor Elián strikes a chord. Think of all of the kids who rather quietly reside in poverty in the United States because being poor ain't no day at Disney with Kathie Lee. Maybe they should jump in an inner tube and float in Lake Michigan with the hopes of getting a cute dog and year-round passes to amusement parks. Drew Anderson <danderson9@uswest.net> While your comments are correct, they are in another, more accurate way wrong. Indeed, the INS has long dissuaded youthful tire-tube migrants from Haiti precisely by warning those downtrodden souls that, if they in fact make it to American shores, they will immediately be forced to spend a day at Walt Disney World with Kathie Lee Giff (who will beg for anal sex in the "make-your- own-videotape" parlor) and the rest of that happy family. Given that possibility, grinding Third World poverty suddenly looks pretty swell. Cordially, Solomon Grundy I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I ENJOYED THIS COLUMN. I UNFORTUNATELY LIVE IN SOUTH FLORIDA, AND HE IS ALWAYS ON THE NEWS, WHICH MADE ME STOP WATCHING THE NEWS. THEY COVER EVERYTHING HE DOES, FROM GOING TO SCHOOL TO PLAYING OUTSIDE TO GOING TO THE CIRCUS. I AM WAITING FOR THE ELIÁN HANGNAIL STORY NEXT. THANKS FOR THE LAUGH. GIGI <Sissisonik@aol.com> Dear Gigi, Here's the saddest part of your letter: When Elián's gone — whether back to Cuba or to a gig as a plate-spinner in the Mulan parade extravaganza at Disney World — you'll still be in South Florida. One eerily unexplored sidebar to this whole tale of international — nay, intergalactic — misery is precisely why anyone lives in that entire quadrant of the planet to begin with. Cordially, Solomon Grundy Subject: Gary Coleman You forgot to mention Gary's 900 number deal. For a pay-per-minute charge, he's talking sexy to woo the ladies. It makes me wanna puke. Looking for extra cash, Gary? You mean you guys didn't hear about this? He must have really hit rock bottom. I wish you could find the number to listen to this trash. I heard it replayed, and it still makes me ill to think about it. Ugh! Wicks <dwicks@primary.net> We're not just former child stars here at Suck; many of us are former (well, not quite former) sex workers as well. So we take a much more positive view of Gary Coleman's 900 number. Pace you and your uptight bourgeois morality, it shows Gary is on a creative and commercial upswing, especially as it beats his talking dirty to Conrad Bain and Charlotte Rae for all those years on Diff'rent Strokes. Cordially, Solomon Grundy |
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