for 10 January 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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The Suck 1000 Tarot Deck I run one of the world's largest Web resource sites on tarot and related stuff, and I want to tell you, I think your Suck tarot is hilarious! I love it. You should do the entire 22 cards of the Major Arcana. I wish this was going to be permanently displayed on your site, because I would dearly love to link to it from the tarot humor section of my page. It is well worth pointing people to, and I know a LOT of people who would enjoy seeing it but wouldn't get to it until later on. Please consider making this a permanent exhibit. =) Thanks for a truly wonderful work of humor. Rev. Gina M. Pace Wicce's Tarot Collection <wicce@ncx.com> It's your lucky day! The Suck 1000 Tarot Deck will be available indefinitely at no additional cost to you. It is archived at the following address: http://www.suck.com/daily/99/12/30/ We hope you will provide a link for your readers, so everyone can take advantage of the savings! 
The Suck 1000 Comic Strip I enjoyed the 1000 Comics article. I know that you, like me, feel the pain and the gaping void in your hearts and souls that comes with Charles Schulz's retirement. What, as a society, will we do without the daily, lovable (and humanly fallible) antics of the Peanuts gang? Of course, Berke Breathed never got this type of fanfare. Nor did that beautiful genius/prima donna Bill Watterson. But that leaves the Big Question: What is the fate of comics in the new millennium? Well, the new millennium (as I write this email) is a few hours away. In fact, it's already hit in Japan, and I'm still here, so that's good. (But as we know, nothing significant can happen in the world until it happens in New York City.) Well, sure, you can read Dilbert and Doonesbury. Sometimes Non Sequitur is good for a chuckle. You've even got your very own beloved Terry Colon. The Onion can make you laugh. Life in Hell is funnier in reprint. That guy from Brown University who coined the phrase "politically correct" probably does something, somewhere in the world. But the point is this: Other than a few guerilla cartoonists (more and more on the Net and fewer in print), the state of comics today is uncertain, and the future looks bleak. Even Newsweek came out and had an exposé on the death of irony. I found its article ironic. Newsweek makes me laugh, but for all the wrong reasons. Basically, it's up to you, Suck. You kids pay the Bay Area rent prices so that I can live free and chuckle as my company runs out of VC funding. You guys put the "I" back into "prurient." I feel included in something bigger than myself, and it's not the haunting memory of Andre the Giant. It's the flame of satire that burns bright in my black little heart. Carry that flame, Sucksters. Get on with your bad selves. BTW: Wouldn't Taft have been a better cartoon name than Polk? If you're going strictly on fat presidents here, William H. Taft did get stuck in the bathtub. Yers troolie, Muddith J. Spaceboy homeboy emeritus Ah, the future always looks bleak. So what? Just keep eating Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries every morning and you'll make it through. Some stuff is funny, some stuff isn't, regardless of timing or irony or any of that shit. Sure, we're destined to be the Henny Youngmans of the '90s, just as we (ironically?) announced on the day of Henny's death. Unplanned, unfortunate, and very strange. An omen? Who cares? The only reason you read crap on the death of irony is because some dude was assigned a "trend piece" and couldn't think of a single fucking thing to write. Believe us. We should know. Just as desperate and even less ironic, the Sucksters
I love the page, guys! The Christmas special was 4jg9p04$$)jufse04, um, sorry, droolin' on the keyboard. It was awesome. One quibble: How can you throw out Garfield?!!!! OK, JD has made the eyes an eenie bit too big, like I put a few too many exclamation marks after that sentence. But he is a great character and should not have his name besmirched. For once when writing an email I have no quibbles about the design of the site! Huzzah! HOwever, still check out www.megasad.freeserve.co.uk when you have the time to see the best designed site I've seen — ever. Bye, wererogue <wererogue@ouvip.com> Your defense of Garfield is ironic, right? Right? Right? Here's hoping, the Sucksters
The Suck 1000 Calendar Dear Sucksters, I agree with you on this calendar deal, have thought so for years, but was hoping that your suggested revisions would be stupider. Historical awareness seems as inappropriate to our time and place as the metric system and the atomic clock. Speaking of which, you should work out a new system for weeks and hours, too. But keep it stupid, simpleton! Stupidly yrs, Colin Rankine <crankine@bintinc.com> If there's one thing you can count on us to do, it's to keep it stupid. Or as the Colonel would say, "Keep it extra crispy!" Unoriginal recipe, the Sucksters Sucksters, First, I wanted to say I was surprised and glad to see a month named after Joe Hill, as I am a member of the IWW, just as he was. But you didn't have a link to the IWW Web site! Here's the URL, in case you guys couldn't find it: http://www.iww.org. Second, I was pretty offended at your claim that capitalism tends "to improve conditions for most people." Growing up middle class in America, it is made vey easy for one to ignore the very real and very horrible things that capitalism does all over the world, but that doesn't mean it's not still doing them. For example, in Nigeria, Shell has completely devastated the environment of nearly the entire country and displaced many of the people who originally lived there. Many work for unlivable wages, and those who agitate for better conditions are tortured and killed. You know that big issue of medical mistakes and how many people are being hurt and killed by them? Well, hospitals all over the United States are replacing registered nurses with medical technicians — people who have three weeks or less of medical training but have the same duties as the trained nurses they replace. Why are hospitals doing this? Because a janitor with two weeks of training can be payed a lot less than a registered nurse. A concept that most Americans understand is that the goal of corporations is to maximize profits. What they don't understand are the consequences of that goal. Especially in this day and age, where the goverment is basically a plutocracy, corporations can do just about anything they want to exploit workers and the environment and to continue making folks like you thank them for it. Raphael Crawford-Marks <raphaelc@ inreach.com> PS If you publish this, please don't call me a communist or a socialist. I'm not. I'm an anarchist (specifically, an anarcho-syndicalist). The IWW Web page has some good links to anarchist and anarcho-syndicalist pages. OK, let's get this straight. You wrote in to dispute the very controversial statement that capitalism tends "to improve conditions for most people"? And that makes you a syndicated anarchist? We'd say it makes you a troublemaker. Troublemaker. Agitating for worse conditions, the Sucksters Dear Sucksters: I love you so much, I really do. I'm Canadian, and even in spite of the libelous, grotesque, giant rabbit thingie with its little crack pipe and bad diction, I love you. But what's with this Suck 1000 series, eh? Every single one of these features has been boring and dull and pointless and not even remotely funny and ... wait a sec. I get it! You haven't just lost your edge. You're not just throwing something together at the last moment because you're too flaked out after Xmas to write anything really entertaining or incisive. You're making an arch, satirical point about how boring and pointless year 2000 hype is. Now that's really clever. Nina Scott-Stoddart <opanon@ sympatico.ca> With fans like you, Nina, we can't lose. We love you so much too — we really do! Edge, shmedge. the Sucksters |
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