for 6 November 1996. Updated every WEDNESDAY.

 
 

THE MAN WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT! PRESIDENT! PRESIDENT!

This week's Filler is dedicated to the man who made our lives a little bit more interesting over the past few months... A likeable enough man, despite his delusions. A man who always inspired a response, whether it be a smile, a sigh, a single teardrop, a deep belly laugh... Thanks for the memories, Bob. We're gonna miss ya. But thankfully, he left us with none too few pointers on how to communicate a message...

 

Tip #1: REPEAT THYSELF

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"To him, this is all a power game. It's a game! It's a game! It's a game!" [New York Times, 10/25/96]

"We will not have drug dealers eating at the White House in a Dole administration. This is a disgrace! This is a disgrace!" [New York Times, 10/25/96]

"Look around the world. We've lost respect all around the world, all around the world." [New York Times, 10/25/96]

"Double-talk has a bad name because of this group, this group of elitists in the White House who've never done anything, never done anything, and now they're running the country, running the country." [New York Times, 10/28/96]

"They've turned the White House into something else, I don't know what it is. It's the animal house! It's the animal house!" [New York Times, 10/28/96]

 

Tip #2: NONSENSE SPEAKS TO THE PEOPLE

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Bob Dole at Grand Blanc High School, MI, where the mascot is a bobcat: "Obviously I'd be proud to be in the home of the Bobcats. Bobcat. Keep that in mind. We've never had a Bob in the White House. Don't you think it's time? Yeah. Right. We do have a cat in the White House. Socks. But we don't have a Bob in the White House." [New York Times, 10/24/96]

 

Tip #3: SCARE 'EM INTO LISTENING

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"If you want to see this country go downhill in the next four years, then you vote for Bill Clinton." [New York Times, 10/25/96]

"We better start focusing on education in America, or this country is going to hell in a handbasket before we know it." [New York Times, 10/25/96]

"One week to tell the American people, 'Watch out!"' [New York Times, 10/28/96]

Describing an imagined session of administration officials rummaging through confidential FBI files: "He sits there drinking a beer and saying, 'Let's look through Bob Dole's file today, yeah, and see what he's got going. Set 'em up boys. Have another beer. Let's look through some more FBI files.'" [New York Times, 10/28/96]

 

Tip #4 EXPLOIT NON-ISSUES

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"America is for Americans." [New York Times, 10/28/96]

"We're reaching out to those soccer moms all across America." [New York Times, 10/25/96]

Bob, we hardly knew ye. Thanks for the memories! Memories! Memories! Memories!

 
 

 

CAPTAIN CRUNCH CONFUSES

The lead paragraph of an essay by Nico Colchester, former deputy editor of The Economist: "Crunchiness brings wealth. Wealth leads to sogginess. Sogginess brings poverty. Poverty creates crunchiness. From this immutable cycle we know that to hang on to wealth, you must keep things crunchy." [The Economist, 10/5/96]

 

CRUNCHY VS. WEALTHY

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JOIN THE BRAND

Phil Dusenberry, chairman of BBDO/New York: "Consumers don't abandon brands. Brands abandon the consumer." [Advertising Age, 10/14/96]

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Living brand Martha Stewart: "I didn't even know I was a brand until Charlotte [Beers, of Ogilvy & Mather] pointed it out.... It's hard being a living brand... with people pointing at you. I don't like that." [Advertising Age, 10/14/96]

Heretofore unknown teen songstress Fiona Apple, on being signed by Sony: "I'm not a creation of Sony." [New York Observer, 10/7/96]

 
 

THE ULTIMATE POSTMODERN THING

Nada Surf singer/guitarist Matthew Caws, comforting band member Daniel Lorca as they faced the postironic chore of performing at the MTV Beach House: "Look at it as a giant performance-art piece. People smart enough to understand the song are going to be smart enough to realize that this is the ultimate postmodern thing." [Spin, 11/96]

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