1. In just three years and two and a half months, we'll begin the year 2000, a brand new century. What are the implications of this change? Check all that apply.

Everything will get a lot more modern, all at once!

There'll be hundreds of "human interest" stories that focus on babies born in the first hour of the new century, including features on the covers of Time, Newsweek, U.S. News and World Report, and thusly, in Slate's "Spin" column.

People will suddenly be considered "passé" unless they wear silver clothing and have conveyor belts installed in their homes.

Self-respecting self-proclaimed "partiers" will be forced to "party like it's 1999" no matter what their moods or circumstances are that day, or risk compromising the identities they've spent many unsettlingly pointless nights - and a good portion of their livers - constructing.

Self-respecting self-proclaimed "naysayers" and "nonconformists" will be forced to claim a total lack of interest in "partying like it's 1999" or risk compromising the identities they've spent hours smoking cloves and reading books in order to attain, despite the obvious drawbacks of calmly reading books and smoking while, from the nearest window, the joyful shouts of people "partying like it's 1999" threaten to drive them to the brink of insanity.

Companies that didn't handle that big "Year 2000" date problem that no one understands will immediately go bankrupt.

There'll be lots of "Turn of the Century" sales, at which countless consumer items will be marked down to shockingly low prices!

2. What will be the personal effects of the year 2000 on your life?

For a few days, I'll be really, really hung over.

I'll feel weird writing "00" on my checks.

My company might be one of those ones that don't understand that "Year 2000" thing, which would mean I'll lose my job! I'd better go talk to my boss about our "Year 2000" strategy right away...

I'll feel really excited about living through such a momentous occasion! Right after that I'll feel massively disappointed, vaguely dissatisfied, then bored.

I'll spend some time thinking about how old I'm getting, which will depress me. Then I might kill myself.

3. How do you plan to prepare for the Year 2000?

As we speak, I'm redesigning my house to accommodate conveyor belts.

I plan to practice "partying like it's 1999" just so I'll be fully prepared to party exactly like it's 1999 when it is 1999.

I plan to practice writing "00" on my checks, just so I won't feel quite so weird doing that when the time comes.

I plan to practice aiming the gun back, toward my brain, instead of up, toward my face, just so I don't blow my face off and live the rest of my life horribly disfigured, just in case I do decide to kill myself.