for 11 September 1996. Updated every WEDNESDAY.

 

TOO MUCH INFORMATION

The Future of Computing:
Fabulous or Frightful?
[Source: AP Newswire, 8/22/96]

 

"Think computers, only smaller. So small you could swallow one or wear one in your long johns."

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"So smart they'd fade into the background and you'd notice only the information you were getting, not where it was coming from."

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"Already, the Army has a computer the size of a pill that could be swallowed to track the core body temperatures of soldiers on training missions. A pager-sized alarm would alert the commanding officer that a recruit was about to go into hypothermia."

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"In San Diego, the Navy is building a "sensate liner" - an intelligent set of long johns woven from conductive polymers that would tell medics what was wrong with a wounded soldier and how soon they should get there..."

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"At MIT, researchers envision a world where the computer a person is wearing would interact with its environment, plucking information out of the air for its master's use."

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"'We have a plant in our lab which doesn't get watered appropriately... A month later, the plant can send the message "I need to be watered" and it would be uploaded to the system so that anyone looking at the plant would see a little note that says, "Water Me!"'"

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DIFFICULT + IMPRACTICAL = LUCRATIVE

Christopher Colby, Loyola Computer Science professor, on discovering the largest prime number found to date: "I'd have to say that it's not really significant at all for any practical use. I would use it to get more research grants, perhaps." [Reuters, 9/4/96]

 

HOW VALUABLE IS YOUR DISCOVERY OR INVENTION?

Just place it on this chart and find out!

 

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METAPHOR O' THE WEEK

Frank Catalano, a computer industry analyst and consultant, on the browser wars between Netscape and Microsoft: "Microsoft isn't an 800-pound gorilla, they're like a whole colony of 800-pound gorillas. It's been shown over and over again that you don't knock off the dominant player by fighting them head on."
[Detroit News, 8/24/96]

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WISHFUL THINKING O' THE WEEK

Carla McMorris, spokesperson for Pac Bell's regional website, At Hand: "We built the site for consumers to find what they're looking for; advertising becomes information when consumers are searching for a product."
[Advertising Age, 8/26/96]

OUT-OF-CONTEXT QUOTE O' THE WEEK

Jakob Nielsen of Sun Microsystems: "One of the first rules is: Shut up."
[Web Week, 8/19/96]

HEADLINE O' THE WEEK

"Anna Nicole Smith's Boobs Explode"
[Globe, 9/3/96]

 
 

Scrawled on brick wall in South Park:

"Fuck Capuchino [sic] Capitalism."

Other suggested subversive slurs:

Die, Delusional Digerati Dreks!
Go Away, Way New Wankers!
Fuck Focaccia Futurist Fat-Cats!
Lick Me, Lily-White Libertarian Lunkheads!
Screw Swanky Spritzer-Swilling South Park Socialites!
Making World Safe for Decaf Democracy!
Blacken the Wiseass Whippersnappers!
Pop a Cap in a Quad Frap Ass!

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