FLACCID RANTS OR TRUE ROMANCE?
Are you a Trainspotter, a Trainswatter, or a Potential Junky? Read
each of the following statements, pick a letter, and find out!
1."There is one truthful thing that Trainspotting says which may
hurt your feelings: People do heroin because it's really fun."
a) Excellent! The world NEEDS another movie about how fun drugs
b) Preposterous! People do heroin because it could ruin their
lives and/or kill them, NOT because it's fun!
c) Letting junkies have fun never hurt my feelings.
d) Heroin always sounded like fun to me. I might have to try it
2. "Their films aren't about meaning writ large. They're about
getting a rush."
a) Excellent! The world NEEDS less meaning, more of a rush!
b) What exactly is "meaning writ large"?
c) Where can I find a good rush?
d) I like getting a rush. I'm thinking about trying heroin - I
hear the rush is incredible!
3. "'Heroin is a very romantic drug,' director Danny Boyle says."
His point is that:
a) It's easier to fall in love with heroin than it is to do almost
b) Heroin sends flowers the morning after you use it.
c) Marijuana won't get you any play.
d) Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love were just the best couple EVER.
4. After asserting that the director, screenwriter, and producer
of Trainspotting once knew nothing about drugs, the author of the
article states, "Nowadays, the Huey, Dewey, and Louie of Brit-pop
cinema know loads about drugs. And they pal around with the likes
of Blur and Pulp."
With these statements, the author is trying to show us that:
a) Knowing loads about drugs is cool.
b) Blur! Pulp! Wow. I wish I could pal around with them.
c) Huey! Dewey! Louie! Wow. I wish I could pal around with them.
d) People like having monkeys as pets. I wish I had a monkey. I
wish I had a pal. I think I'll try to score some heroin now.
[Source: Details, 9/96]
If you answered all A's, then you're a Trainspotter! You don't do
heroin yourself, but you invariably think movies about heroin are
really cool, especially if the colors are pretty and the editing
is just like on MTV and the stars are Scottish, because you're
down with Europe, particularly since you went there for a week
your junior year. Why, you even struck up a conversation with some
British guy in a pub once!
If you answered 1. c, 2. b, 3. c,
4. c, then you're a Trainswatter! Maybe you do heroin, maybe you don't, but you'll be damned if you can sit through another scene with a junky locked in his room trying to "kick." This isn't disturbing or thrillingly unconventional or romantic, this is flat-out dull. If you wanted disturbing and clever, you'd rent Clockwork Orange again. "Eggy-Weggs? I would like to SMASH them!"
If you answered all D's, then beware! You're a Potential Junky!
Forget about rock stars, forget what you see in those glossy
magazines! Of course Courtney Love is tantalizingly unpredictable,
but there are lots of kinder (hint), gentler drugs that are really
fun AND (bonus) they don't usually fuck up your life, even if they
aren't getting all the good press heroin is getting. Do
yourself and your mommy a favor and try those drugs instead.