for 14 August 1996. Updated every WEDNESDAY.

INTERNET ADDICTION OR FEMINIST FAIRY TALE? You make the call! "She used to be a homemaker with a nice family life. Then she went online." [Reuters, 8/12/96] "She began to spend lots of time in a 'chat room,' a computer hookup that lets groups of people converse through typed messages. She met new people and the conversations made her feel attractive and interesting." "She spent up to 12 hours a day online. She stopped cooking and cleaning, and playing golf with her husband." "Finally he demanded that she pay more attention to him and the couple's two daughters. The husband finally said, 'It's either the computer or me.' She chose the computer and divorced him..." [Source: AP Newswire, 8/11/96]

	WEB SIMILE O' THE WEEK Toby Tyler, a police officer who lectures at the FBI Academy on child abuse: "The Internet is like heaven for the pedophile." MISSION STATEMENT O' THE WEEK "It is our goal to channel resources and media attention away from the people who are making new media, and direct it towards ourselves, and our friends." MANGLED CLICHE O' THE WEEK "Solutions [to Internet logjams] are on the way... In the meantime, you may be well advised not to put all your e-mails in one basket." [Nando, 8/12/96] APPROPRIATED CLICHES FOR AN ONLINE WORLD O' FUN Pun-lovers, peruse this list for a new media twist! Wired: The early word gets the term. Management: A spoonful of lucre makes the reticence go down. IPOs: Don't count your stock pickin's before they crash. Entrepreneurial spirit: Two's a company, three's also a company. The pager: Book before you beep. The joys of remaining private: Nothing ventured, nothing feigned. Executive insider jokes: Whoever dies with the most piss boys wins. Valid excuses: That's just the pot calling the boss fat. Suck: A hack of all trades and a disaster with puns.

HURRAY FOR FOLLYWOOD! Movies on the drama and excitement of the net! THE JOCK "A former athlete finds himself firmly esconced in a world where the qualities of the manly man go unrewarded..." THE NEW HIRE STRIKES BACK "The riveting tale of an idealistic young piss boy whose will is crushed by the cutthroat world of new media." STEALING BOOTY "A hard-up, fed-up wirehead finally decides to take matters into his own hands... proving once again that rape scenes with good editing and nice lighting can pass as 'art' in the wacky world of Hollywood!" CHILDREN OF THE PORN "Wacko youngsters weened on hardcore sex mags online start singing tasteless limericks in unison and scaring the bejeezus out of helpless adults, just by looking at them." A FEW GOOD PENS "Hundreds of new media hacks battle over a handful of pens, and try to track down the truth about why the company won't lay down some cash for a few measly Bics..."

courtesy of Polly Esther