for 19 June 1996. Updated every WEDNESDAY.


[Evolution]

THANKS TO WAY NEW TECHNOLOGY, YOU TOO CAN...

Make Groundbreaking Predictions... Richard Zwetchkenbaum, an analyst at International Data Corp, on the Sony PC: "I think they will accelerate the evolution of the PC into a household appliance." [Nando.net, 6/17/96]

Make Sweeping Generalizations... Robin Tye, partner in a management consultancy: "The mental models being used by many of the (European) businesses don't seem to be as agile or as innovative or as new as the Americans and South East Asians. I think it's some element of traditionalism." [Reuters, 6/18/96]

Read Short, Thoughtless Pieces... Geoff Reiss, Starwave's vice president of sports publishing: "This medium is not about reading long, thoughtful pieces." [New York Times, 6/17/96]

Leave Personal Hygiene Behind Forever... "[Bill] Gates, who's described early on as forgetting to bathe or change his clothes, still sounds like a kid, dresses badly and doesn't comb his hair." [Gannett News Service, 6/10/96]

[Chart]

FLASH! BRILLIANT SCIENTIST SAVES CHILDREN!

"Adding to the ever-increasing list of health scares, a [British] government scientist said infants' schools should stop letting pupils make models out of cardboard toilet-roll tubes because they may be spreading germs." [The Economist, 6/15/96]

[Celebs]

FORGET THE CHILDREN, SAVE THE CELEBS!

A publicist, regarding Kathy Lee Gifford's damage control after hearing her Wal-Mart clothing line had once been stitched by children in Honduras: "Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. By calling attention to the problems, it's saving other celebs grief." [Entertainment Weekly, 6/14/96]

SUCK YOURSELF A CLEAN SLATE PART 3!

Kinsley Defends MSFT-Funded Webzine, aka His "Thing"

KINSLEY: Kinsley: "There's a chance my thing will fizzle."

[Panel 1]

KINSLEY: "It [the name 'Slate'] sounds hard and real, but it's all bullshit."

[Panel 2]

KINSLEY: "I like the fact that it's not hip and ironic. I don't like the we're-so-cool attitude that's so popular on the Web."

[Panel 3]

KINSLEY: "We'll have opening music. For the first month, it'll be Fats Waller's 'You Meet The Nicest People in Your Dreams.'"

[Panel 4]

[Kinsley quotes: Entertainment Weekly, 6/14/96]

DANGLING CARROT O' THE DECADE

"Levi-Strauss, a clothing firm, is to pay bonuses of a year's extra pay to all its 37,000 employees in 2002 - provided cash-flow targets are met, as the firm expects." [The Economist, 6/15/96]

SUBTITLE O' THE WEEK

Accidental Empires: How the Boys of Silicon Valley Make Their Millions, Battle Foreign Competition, and Still Can't Get a Date, by Bob Cringely

[Leaders]

SUBTITLE O' THE CENTURY

"World Statesman: Written and read by the leaders of the world"

STUPID SEARCH ON: "leader of the"

"Slithery-skinned Invader from the Remote World of Visceros" Had 2 big guns: a Blaster and a Hydralaser. And as everyone knows, with a Hydralaser you also need a Hydrapak and Hydrapipe."

"John does whatever Jane doesn't do around here, which isn't much, but without his help this place would never hold together. He's the inventor of our product!"

"Satan starts the contest: "Begin. Trade drink for drink. Last one conscious wins their election!" [W]ho wins this drinking contest between Ted Kennedy and Boris Yeltsin?"

"The guerrillas should always be prepared with simple slogans in order to explain to the people, whether in an intentional form or by chance, the reason for the weapons. 'The weapons will be for winning freedom; they are for you.'"

[Smurf Killer]

"A couple of times I actually got to run over some Smurfs that didn't get out of the way in time."

 

courtesy of
Polly Esther