for 12 June 1996. Updated every WEDNESDAY.


HONESTY: THE BEST POLICY?

If You Value Fame Over Acclaim... Michelle Fonvielle re: her Web diary: "It's very self-satisfying. Whether or not people like your page, they saw it, and they know who you are." [Boston Globe, 6/2/96]

Not If You'd Lose to Schmooze... George Bush: "It's amazing how many people beat you at golf now that you're no longer president." [AP, 5/30/96]

If You're Seeking Unemployment... "It's retooling time for Tim Allen's new Disney comedy, Jungle2Jungle. A production assistant left several canisters of undeveloped film in the backseat of a New York City taxi May 21. Disney will reshoot the scenes if the film fails to turn up. Says a spokesman: 'It was an honest mistake.' Still, the unnamed assistant was fired." [Entertainment Weekly, 6/7/96]

[Mistakes]

MORE PROOF THAT MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING

"Aspiring athletes may dream of being the next Michael Jordan. Aspiring techies dream of being the next Marc Andreesen... At age 24, Andreesen is worth more than $100 million." [Boston Globe, 6/3/96]

[Air Marc]

BIG BROTHER WAS "POPULAR" TOO...

"In any case, when you suggest to [Bill] Gates that Microsoft is regarded as the computer industry's Evil Empire, he'll concede half the point - the part about being an empire. "I'm certainly the head of the most popular company," he said. "More people choose to buy our software than any other company's." [Boston Globe, 5/30/96]

ENERGIZER BUNNY: CLICHE O' THE DAY

Number Of Times A Person, Place, Or Thing Has Been Compared To The Energizer Bunny in Publications In The Last 6 Months: 553

[Energizer Bunny]

A Few Examples:

"Dragonflies go on and on, the Energizer bunnies of evolution."

"...like the Energizer Bunny of twinkly self-ridicule." [Entertainment Weekly, 5/31/96]

"Like ideological Energizer bunnies, they keep beating the drums of class conflict, waiting for the parade that never materializes." [Second Edition, 4/1/96]

"Experiment 3: Half-Life: The Energizer Bunny Effect"

Things That Have Been Compared To The Energizer Bunny:

The Whitewater Investigation
George Clooney
Mia Farrow
Steffi Graf
Frank Sinatra
James Bond
2 Dicks (Vitale & Clark)
Sleepy Labeef
The Richmond-Petersburg Area
Skiing at Bogus Basin
The Civilian Marksmanship Program
Bob Dole
Steve Forbes
Jerry Brown
The Democrats
Lee Trevino's Mouth
The Budget Deficit
The ACLU
Cape St. Claire's Efforts To Improve Traffic Flow
Boston Avenue Deli
Andy Rooney
A Woman's Biological Clock
The Flat Tax
Titanosaurus Bones
The "Nag-Withdraw" Cycle
The World Wide Web
The Blues
God
George Burns

SALON: "A WEBSITE FOR PEOPLE WHO READ COSMO"

"I wondered if he used deodorant... We exchanged numbers. We said we'd call. That was two weeks ago. I'd like to call him. If I were a guy, and he were a girl, I probably would call him. But it seems to me, since I'm not, that he should call me. After all, he knows I'm interested. I am interested, right?" [Salon Magazine, 6/3/96]

[Hot Dog]

GLORIA FOR PRESIDENT!

At Least She Knows Where The Beef Is...

Mind-numbing insight from Gloria Estefan's essay "If I Were President": "I would close down slaughterhouses and places where the animals we eat live in cramped, little spaces, and I'd let them roam free on big ranches... If I'm going to eat a cow, I'd rather eat a happy one that had a quality life and doesn't mind being our food! We age beef anyway, so why not age it before it's dead?" [George, 7/96]

BAD SCRIPT O' THE WEEK

Line from "The Arrival" staring Charlie Sheen: "I look like a can of smashed assholes." [Entertainment Weekly, 6/7/96]

INSULT O' THE WEEK

Of Jon Peters and Peter Guber: "[T]iny little men in tiny little jeans endlessly high-fiving each other." [Entertainment Weekly, 6/7/96, as excerpted from "Hit & Run: How Jon Peters And Peter Guber Took Sony For A Ride In Hollywood"]

[God's News]

HEADLINE O' THE YEAR

"God Blathers On And On In Old Testament" [Wisconsin State Journal, 12/95]

GLENN DAVIS QUOTE O' THE WEEK

"Personally, I'm a bit tired of the word 'cool' but it has put me where I am today. I'm not quite sure where that is sometimes." [ZUG]

STUPID SEARCH ON: "high-fiving"

"WHAT a bunch of knee-jerk reactionary moaning minnies soccer people are... As we approach the end of the century surely it's time to look at our attitude towards games and the playing of games and to work towards the elimination of the concept of the elite sportsperson. Let's put an end to the tyranny of the fit and the well co-ordinated. In the words of my own psychoanalyst 'just go out and be the best little sporting guy you can be.'"

[TV Therapy]

"I began seeing Dr. Pittavino once per week. It was like I had fallen and could not get up... My counseling sessions with Dr. Pittavino slowly but surely began healing my mental wounds. So did watching the Forty-Niners championship match."

"It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf."

"In Scannell's mind, the firing is connected to a three-day suspension that McLaughlin imposed last February, citing Scannell for "high-fiving" and "initiating a wave while operating the Zamboni during a hockey game."

 

courtesy of
Polly Esther