for 22 May 1996. Updated every WEDNESDAY.

LOST IN THE TRANSLATION

San Francisco D.A. Terence Hallinan to the sex-scandalized deputy who returned to work: "I told her to keep her head down and do your job." [San Francisco Chronicle, 5/14]

Gary Trudeau's take on an interview with Madonna in the Budapest newspaper, Blikk. Questions were posed in Hungarian, translated into English for Madonna, whose replies were translated back into Hungarian, and then translated back to English by USA Today:

Blikk: "O.K., here's a question from left space: What was your book Slut about?"

Madonna: "It was called Sex, my book."

Blikk: "Not in Hungary. Here it was called Slut. How did it come to publish? Were you lovemaking with a man-about-town printer?" [Time, 5/20]

SUCK YOURSELF A CLEAN SLATE PART 2!

Kinsley Suckles His MSFT-Funded Baby for The New Yorker

KINSLEY: "I'm too old to go whoring after twenty-somethings."

[Panel 1]

KINSLEY: "I don't want to sound like an arrogant asshole who's become an Internet fascist..."

[Panel 2]

KINSLEY: "...but there is a reason that some people get paid as writers and some don't."

[Panel 3]

KINSLEY: "...I don't want to go to a restaurant and be told, 'This is a community restaurant, and the guy at the next table is cooking for you!'"

[Panel 4]

[Kinsley quotes: The New Yorker, 5/13]

SLACK = SURF

Beverly Miller, a vice president for Literacy Volunteers of America, regarding the non-profit's online plea for volunteers: "If they're surfing the Web, they obviously have some free time on their hands." [Nando.net, 5/13]

WILL COMMUNICATE MY PURPOSE FOR FOOD

Palo Alto panhandler Victor Frost carries a bright yellow sign that reads, "Will work for food or computer parts," in hopes of starting a home page for the homeless. Standford engineering grad student Darren King's response: "The way I read it, it was kind of gimmicky... I think he needs to communicate what his purpose is." [San Jose Mercury News, 5/11]

PERCEIVED DANGER VS. ACTUAL DANGER

[Danger]

12:00 APPOINTMENT: GRIM REAPER

Andrew Seybold, editor in chief of the Seybold Outlook on Communications and Computing: "I do my Radio Mail at 80 miles an hour... I go from appoint ment to appointment catching up on E-mail and phone calls while I drive. By the time I'm at my next appointment, I'm caught up." [Nando.net, 5/13]

[Crystal Ball]

BUNGEE BOTTOM LINE

Slide that accompanied a speech by Steven McGeady, vice president of Internet Technology at Intel: "Love does many things. Money does everything." [San Francisco Chronicle, 5/13]

Apple Chairman Gilbert Amelio: "A billion-dollar loss gets your attention..." [Nando.net, 5/14]

GLENN DAVIS QUOTE O' THE WEEK!

"Before I go any further, I would ask that if you quote any part of this document, that you quote this entire document so that my words may not be used out of context.... [T]here are horny geeks everywhere."

STUPID SEARCH ON: "absolutely fascinating"

"That's me to the left. I also have a bigger picture of me along with more pix, a 1.4M QuickTime move of me, and an .au voice recording of me in case you want to hear what I sound like."

"My dream jobs are either to be Michael Eisner or the Queen of England."

"Z O N P O W E R guarantees Riches Romantic Love and a god-like Mind and Body... How scientifically valid is Zonpower? Its mathematical models reduce to T1=T2k. Do not worry about that formula now."

"Is your name Phil Campbell? Another Phil Campbell organized a Phil Campbell convention in Phil Campbell, Alabama last year with 22 Phil Campbells and 1 Phyllis Campbell. He is planning to do it again but this time I am on the mailing list and hope to attend."

"Have you ever had a colonoscopic examination? That's where they snake this fiber optic tube up through your intestines... it's absolutely fascinating."


 

courtesy of
Polly Esther