There's nothing like insulting an entire nation to increase hits, unless it's insulting that country again.

 

STATISTICS!

Total number of messages from angry Canadians: 43

 

LAND OF THE FREE, DUMB

Letters which claim that ...

Americans don't know anything about Canada: 20

Canadians know more about American culture than Americans do: 3

Culture and national identity mean a lot more than what sort of prime-time TV is popular or what cola you drink: 3

Americans are stupid: 16

Americans think stupid things are funny: 2

Americans have funny money and twangy accents: 1

Americans think money means everything: 8

Americans bitch and moan: 1

Americans are imperialistic barbarians: 4

The world hates Americans: 11

The Republic of Texas proves that being American sucks: 2

Americans think basketball was discovered in the US: 1

American music sucks: 3

Americans are self-absorbed: 7

Americans just don't get it: 2

 

Letters that attribute American crappiness to ...

Violence: 9

Big corporations: 2

Gun owners: 5

The death penalty: 2

Patriotism: 3

The pledge of allegiance: 1

Melrose Place: 4

Circumcision: 2

 

 

THE GREAT WHINE NORTH

Letters that took the high road, boasting that ...

Canadians brew better beer: 4

Canadians are polite: 3

Canadians are most proud of not being American: 8

Canadians put the maple leaf on their backpacks so that people don't kick their asses for being American: 5

Canadians don't whine and scream and stomp their feet in public: 1

Seventy-five percent of Canadians have had cable TV for about two decades, while the percentage in the US was enormously lower and only now is getting close: 1

At least Canadians are still allowed to spell things funny: 1

At least Canadians are educated and can spell: 2*

*Messages that included spelling errors from Canadians who boasted that at least Canadians can spell: 2

 

 

CANADA: YOU ARE WHAT YOU EXPORT

Number of times Canadians cited as evidence of their cultural superiority ...

Mike Myers: 2

Kids in the Hall: 1

Health care: 3

Standard of living: 1

Hockey: 3

The St. Lawrence River, one of the most important water systems in our country: 1

Bryan Adams: 1

Porky's: 4

Celine Dion: 4

War of 1812: 4

Royales with cheese: 2

 

 

ARE CANADIANS FUNNY, OR WHAT?

Some of our favorite quotes:

"Your article might be offensive if it weren't so amusing."

"You know nothing about Canada."

"We will not be assimilated."

"We won, you lost, and we'd win again. Don't you forget it."

"By the way, we own Florida."

"You're just jealous."

"Just what are you smoking, anyway?"

"I suggest you grow up as a nation, fast."

"Get ready for China because they are about to kick your little economic ass."

"I eat more flaked-and-formed poultry products than any man ever seen."

 

 

MORE MAIL ABOUT CANADIANS!

Canadians who will admit the Canadian identity is weak: 7

Canadians who think that Canadian culture sucks: 3

American bartenders who hate Canadians because they don't tip: 2


Next ... More from those feisty Canadians!