DAILY ESSAYS 2000

	Dec 2000
29 Dec 2000	Remembering 2000 Suck's wayback machine shows us a more innocent time
28 Dec 2000	They Saved Cheney's Heart A Fantastic Voyage into America's future!
27 Dec 2000	Filler 12.27.00 Sing Those Post-Holiday Blues!
26 Dec 2000	Dot-Condolences Heartfelt sympathy for a flatlining industry
25 Dec 2000	Xmas Marks the Spot Suck's Christmases past come back to haunt you
22 Dec 2000	Power Vacuum With the election over, an anxious nation asks, Now what will we
21 Dec 2000	Hit & Run 12.21.00 The bad news, the worse news, and the ugly news
20 Dec 2000	Filler 12.20.00 How The Yinch Stole Christmas!
19 Dec 2000	How Many Years Is That In Dogma Years? Five years of Dogme 95 is enough
18 Dec 2000	Marley's Boast Putting X back in Xmas
15 Dec 2000	Awesome Disclosures Behind the glimmering facade of City Confidential
14 Dec 2000	Hit & Run 12.14.00 Unpardonable offenses, reeking rumors and the Sucksters' clean keesters
13 Dec 2000	Filler 12.13.00 It's That Time Again! Time To Trudge Through the Mall, Moaning!
12 Dec 2000	The Ballot or the Box Office A pitch guaranteed to keep voters away in droves
11 Dec 2000	Blame Steven Hollywood has blood on its hands!
8 Dec 2000	The Catcher in the Wheat Once an eagle, always an eagle
7 Dec 2000	Hit & Run 12.7.00 New Yorker duped again, talking heads keep coming, and more
6 Dec 2000	Filler 12.6.00 Idealists, Hold Onto Your Hemp Hats!
5 Dec 2000	White Men Can't Joke Comedy: Is it good for the Jews?
4 Dec 2000	Toothless Carnivore's indigestion problem
1 Dec 2000	Unshakeable The long, fruitful death of comic books
	Nov 2000
30 Nov 2000	Hit & Run 11.30.00 Candidates fly the coup, boy geniuses look for love, domains get down, Denby dumbs up, and more
29 Nov 2000	Filler 11.29.00 There You Are. Talking Like It's the End of the World.
28 Nov 2000	Long Live Rock The classics refuse to die
27 Nov 2000	Geekquake, or, I Hear America Whining Usenet: The end is only the beginning
23 Nov 2000	Turkey Day Tidings Thanksgiving E-cards you wouldn't send to your worst enemies
22 Nov 2000	Filler 11.22.00 Spam Is Good Food!
21 Nov 2000	Chad and Jeremiad Gush, Bore and your own two eyes: Don't believe any of them
20 Nov 2000	The Family Business is Business Find the second generation role model that's right for you!
17 Nov 2000	There She Is: The Most Resented Woman In America Peter Bagge defends the honor of our most maligned institution
16 Nov 2000	Hit & Run 11.16.00 Saturday Night Undead, It's Pat!, Vanity of vanities, and more
15 Nov 2000	Filler 11.15.00 Is Polly Actually a Man?
14 Nov 2000	Almost Ramis A generation comes home
13 Nov 2000	Ballot Designs Rejected by the Palm Beach County Election Committee Vote early and often!
10 Nov 2000	American Revolution 2000 Disgruntled patriots vote with their fists
9 Nov 2000	Hit & Run 11.9.00 George W. Booze, rich Senators, and dead Senators
8 Nov 2000	Filler 11.8.00 Which Creep Won?
7 Nov 2000	I Am Third The direct threat to our arsenal of democracy
6 Nov 2000	The Desperate Hours Last-minute endorsements from B-list celebrities
3 Nov 2000	The Basket Case The short, happy life of the Longaberger empire
2 Nov 2000	Hit & Run 11.2.00 The poop on PS2, animal rights, Joe's dong, and more
1 Nov 2000	Filler 11.1.00 The Truth Shall Make You Flee!
	Oct 2000
31 Oct 2000	This Magick Moment Saying Boo to Aleister Crowley
30 Oct 2000	Them Against Fire Who you calling a chicken?
27 Oct 2000	Final End III The Third Final End
26 Oct 2000	Hit & Run 10.26.00 Real-life Ghostbusters, Porn on AOL, Lackeys DOA, and more
25 Oct 2000	Filler 10.25.00 Stands with a fist full of cash!
24 Oct 2000	The Pretender Still pimping the President after all these years
23 Oct 2000	Public Service Announcement 2000 Eminem's Gate
20 Oct 2000	The Outsiders Made guys come in from the cold
19 Oct 2000	Hit & Run 10.19.00 USS Cole bombing solved, Big Apple bombed,
18 Oct 2000	Filler 10.18.00 Old Age Is Like a Circus, With Heart-Stopping Thrills & Hot, Salty Nuts!
17 Oct 2000	Who's Buried in Joseph's Tomb? Play by play in the latest battle of the Semites
16 Oct 2000	They Make Your Feet Feel Fine Boneheads in Paradise
13 Oct 2000	Standing Oration A last word on farewell concerts
12 Oct 2000	Hit & Run 10.12.00 Going off-Linux, new Insights, and more
11 Oct 2000	Filler 10.11.00 Waltzing Matilda!
10 Oct 2000	But Is It Cow? Art of the bovine ilk
9 Oct 2000	Equal Pay for Equal Work Women are more than just gloupies!
6 Oct 2000	The Whys of Tammy Faye The Age of Innocents
5 Oct 2000	Hit & Run 10.5.00 Going off-Linux, new Insights, and more
4 Oct 2000	Filler 10.4.00 Laff Olympics!
3 Oct 2000	Rock 'n' Roll Middle School How Rock Criticism Became White
2 Oct 2000	George Washington Lost Here The virtue of Necessity
	Sep 2000
29 Sep 2000	The Suck School of Comic Art: Graduate Course How to draw even funnier
28 Sep 2000	Hit & Run 9.28.00 Cops on the DL, TiVo in the house, the Times on the lookout, and more
27 Sep 2000	Filler 09.27.00 The Most Unanswerable Question You've Answered A Million Times!
26 Sep 2000	The Importance of Being Average Go-o-o-o Eagles!
25 Sep 2000	Caddyshack Culture The green cradle of contemporary America.
22 Sep 2000	Blah Blah Blah Reflections on the 2000 Democratic National Convention, by P. Bagge
21 Sep 2000	Hit and Run 09.21.00 Saddam speaks, Hollywood's finest go into exile, critics criticize, and eBay says YES! to Suck.
20 Sep 2000	Filler 09.20.00 I'm a Joker, I'm a Smoker, I'm a Provoker!
19 Sep 2000	All About the Benjamins Projecting the Arcades
18 Sep 2000	Summer of Samaranch Goose-stepping into the Millennium Games
15 Sep 2000	Egos a Go-go Peter Bagge explores the Reform Party
14 Sep 2000	Hit & Run 9.14.00 "In the beginning was the word, and the..."
13 Sep 2000	Filler 09.13.00 Motorcycling Leads to Recycling!
12 Sep 2000	The Colossus of Ceylon, Minnesota The hidden genius of a man called Walt
11 Sep 2000	Team-agers Hollywood pulls together for a rebuilding season
8 Sep 2000	Downtime by Law It's the lawyers' world; we just live in it
7 Sep 2000	Hit & Run 9.7.00 The Single-Daughter Theory: A Suck special report
6 Sep 2000	Filler 09.06.00 Analyze This, Jerkball!
5 Sep 2000	Kiss My Grits Chewing on the most important meal of the day
1 Sep 2000	Chickenhawk Down Dick Cheney is a pussy
	Aug 2000
31 Aug 2000	Hit & Run 8.31.00 "For a medium jointly ruled by one-click shopping..."
30 Aug 2000	Filler 08.30.00 How Crazy Are You?
29 Aug 2000	Time Out! Two a day, the American way
28 Aug 2000	Suck's Wooden Anniversary Some inflated statistics about our first five-year plan
25 Aug 2000	I (Heart) The Blob! Peter Bagge closes the book on the EMP
24 Aug 2000	Hit & Run CCXLI Back that Thang Up! Al Gore III Busted, The Season's Hottest Baby Names and/or Magazine Titles, and More!
23 Aug 2000	Filler 08.23.00 The Finks You Do For Love!
22 Aug 2000	Maximum Bob The man from Hope
21 Aug 2000	I've Been a Shriner for a Heart of Gold Under the Fez: a special report
18 Aug 2000	The American Century 2.0 Dreams deferred
17 Aug 2000	Hit & Run CCXL X-Games! From Down Syndrome to Street Luge in 20 seconds
16 Aug 2000	Filler 08.16.00 Go For Credit In The Third World!
15 Aug 2000	Whee! The People You can't live on amusement
14 Aug 2000	Muggling Through The Bloom is off the rose, and why
11 Aug 2000	The Code War Software by other means...
10 Aug 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXIX Return of the Vacuum Tube: Suck Breaks One-Week Silence on RNC, Macaulay Culkin, and More!
9 Aug 2000	Filler 08.09.00 Catch An Exboyfriend By The Toe!
8 Aug 2000	The JAGged Edge Network TV says 'Anchors Aweigh!'
7 Aug 2000	The American In Me A lone Yankee adjective brings back the pride
4 Aug 2000	Metaphoria History, atrocity and superheroes
3 Aug 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXVIII Petulant prolixity, good dogs, illegal downloads, revisited riots, and more
2 Aug 2000	Filler 08.02.00 Happiness, Where Are You?
1 Aug 2000	Reality Bites Who's really to blame for reality TV?
	Jul 2000
31 Jul 2000	Before the Body's Cold The long, unhappy life of Mozilla
28 Jul 2000	Puff Justice The Trial of the Century (Remix Version)
27 Jul 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXVII "Martin Lawrence spent part of last summer in..."
26 Jul 2000	Filler 07.26.00 Question Those Who Tell You To Question Authority!
25 Jul 2000	Lipstick Traces Two views of Bill Clinton
24 Jul 2000	All the Summer's A Stage First, let's kill all the actors
21 Jul 2000	Indy 2000! Part 2 Peter Bagge puts the pedal to the metal in Hoosierville
20 Jul 2000	Indy 2000!
19 Jul 2000	Filler 07.19.00 Date My Friend Steve Already!
18 Jul 2000	The Hardship of Accounting Bounced checks and balances
17 Jul 2000	Don't razz the Prez Based on a True Story
14 Jul 2000	Abridge Too Far The art of capsule writing
13 Jul 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXVI Immortality postponed, Founding Fathers dissed, real estate follies, and more
12 Jul 2000	Filler 07.12.00 Had Any Good Ideas Lately?
11 Jul 2000	Prank and File Napsterites forge new works of art
10 Jul 2000	Kleptology Napster rides the rap; eBay launders the bucks
7 Jul 2000	Steve Case, Superstar The making of a mogul
6 Jul 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXV Walter's mission, Williams's d'Ascoynes, Gates's gate, and more
5 Jul 2000	Filler 07.05.00 The Lemming Condition!
4 Jul 2000	A Peace of Picasso for Everyone No pointillism, no peace
3 Jul 2000	The Third of July Sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations
	Jun 2000
30 Jun 2000	Pass the Mustard, Please, Sister Sunshine Daisy-Hat An American Family under the rainbow
29 Jun 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXIV Naughton on crime, street people on the genome, Suck on football, and more
28 Jun 2000	Filler 06.28.00 Time For More Frictionary!
27 Jun 2000	News Hole Laugh your hands off with suckup D.C. reporters
26 Jun 2000	Loaf vs. Boss The continuing story of an American Giant
23 Jun 2000	Steve Case, Superstar The making of a mogul
22 Jun 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXIII Extreme video, Suck chickens out, and big body counts
21 Jun 2000	Filler 06.21.00 Stranded On An Island?
20 Jun 2000	Bring Out Yer Dead The decline of the thug obituary
19 Jun 2000	Java Been The decaffeinated return of the cross-platform miracle
16 Jun 2000	Golf War Syndrome America's weakest links
15 Jun 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXII Airlinez in Orbit, DNA dealerships, Super Mario Warriors, and more
14 Jun 2000	Filler 06.14.00 We Were Born, Born In The '70s!
13 Jun 2000	The Friends of Eddie Murphy A Film Giant smiles on his saplings
12 Jun 2000	Farewell My Lovely The soft-boiled story of APB News
9 Jun 2000	Puff Justice The Trial of the Century (Remix Version)
8 Jun 2000	Hit & Run CCXXXI Amazon's Ms. Big speaks to Suck, Elvis's cook enters into Heaven, Dungeonmasters go open kimono, and more
7 Jun 2000	Filler 06.07.00 Chemistry 101: How To Get That Manic Panic You Love!
6 Jun 2000	Last Man Standing The tragic fall of stand-up comedy
5 Jun 2000	Cancer schmancer, as long as you've got your health Insuring against the sickness unto death
2 Jun 2000	Game Theory Suck surveys indy board games
1 Jun 2000	Hit & Run CCXXX We're ready for our closeups
	May 2000
31 May 2000	Filler 05.31.00 Ding-Dong, Freud Was Wrong!
30 May 2000	Crem Brulée Matthew Barney penilizes the art world
29 May 2000	Memorial Day Blowout Veteran content from Suck
26 May 2000	Friendship! The Complete and Unabridged Illustrated Encyclopedia of Friendship
25 May 2000	Hit & Run CCXXIX Mugs, thugs and plugs
24 May 2000	Filler 05.24.00 Kids Today Are Pissed Off!
23 May 2000	Stealth Food We put the 'error' in Terror Bombing!
22 May 2000	The Rape of the Log Charles Darwin and the old in-out
19 May 2000	Terry Colon's European Vacation Suck's continental man steps out from behind the easel
18 May 2000	Hit & Run CCXXVIII Papal bull, gun-toting moms, evil coaches, stupid fact checkers, and more!
17 May 2000	Filler 05.17.00 Grouching Towards Bethlehem!
16 May 2000	Pirate Flags Intellectual property in the land of neither
15 May 2000	Fatherhood: The New Motherhood Dad gets in touch with his outer child
12 May 2000	On Wall Street: Casual Do's, Casual Don't's Heard on the street this spring? Throw out that suit without looking like a blue-collar slob!
11 May 2000	Hit & Run CCXXVII Black chicks do Hollywood, the UN does nothing, our Love Bug report, and a South-of-the-Border greeting
10 May 2000	Filler 05.10.00 The Insufferable Mr. Snipley!
9 May 2000	Colombia House Several drug warriors in search of a shooting war
8 May 2000	Dead Spots Advertisers say the Grim Reaper is dead sexy!
5 May 2000	The Second Coming of Alan Keyes Peter Bagge follows the quixotic Presidential campaign of America's would-be moral savior!
4 May 2000	Hit & Run CCXXVI Jesus lives, Hercules dies, hacktors strike, and more
3 May 2000	Filler 05.03.00 Happy Fillerversary!
2 May 2000	Decline and Fall "Semper ubi sub ubi scrawled onto a desk..."
1 May 2000	Generation Hex Slackers finally get what they deserve
	Apr 2000
28 Apr 2000	Super Sounds of the Seventies Sucking in that low, dishonest decade with right wing funsters!
27 Apr 2000	Hit & Run CCXXV Travolta signs on the dotted line, Lars Ulrich gets paid, Lucianne Goldberg wipes Suck.com off her shoe
26 Apr 2000	Filler 04.26.00 Investors Flee!
25 Apr 2000	Kids Are People Too Critics pan Elián
24 Apr 2000	Where Is Thy Sting? Resurrecting the Easter pageant
21 Apr 2000	Beautiful People Bailout Entertainment industry salvation or celebrity welfare? You decide
20 Apr 2000	Hit & Run CCXXIV Burst bubbles, movie news, web studs, and crazy Iranians
19 Apr 2000	Filler 04.19.00 Karma Chameleon!
18 Apr 2000	She Will Always Love Us A little respect for a sister, please!
17 Apr 2000	It's the Economy, Stupid! Massacre and one-downmanship in Uganda
14 Apr 2000	Obytuaries Lukewarm sendoffs for the dearly beliked
13 Apr 2000	Hit & Run CCXXIII "Alexander Pay n e , t h e..."
12 Apr 2000	Filler 04.12.00 Tax Time!
11 Apr 2000	Call Western Union The triumphant return of the Message Movie
10 Apr 2000	Skin Cancer Cosmetic surgery for your digits
7 Apr 2000	Telling Baby "No" A Suck corporate instructional video
6 Apr 2000	Hit & Run CCXXII Near death, near comedy, and near misses
5 Apr 2000	Filler 04.05.00 Growing Pains!
4 Apr 2000	Intention Deficit Disorder Those damn kids just won't get hooked on drugs
3 Apr 2000	Stupid Grandson Theory What have the Kennedys done for us lately?
	Mar 2000
31 Mar 2000	The Hinckle File A one-eyed man in the kingdom of way-old journalism
30 Mar 2000	Hit & Run CCXXI Ass jokes, dick jokes, and Uranus
29 Mar 2000	Filler 03.29.00 Bad Head!
28 Mar 2000	Corrections for the Rest of Us Make your feelings clear the Suck way
27 Mar 2000	Rough Trade R U N2 B2B?
24 Mar 2000	Project Zapster The sleeping giant wakes up and hits the warpath
23 Mar 2000	Hit & Run CCXX Celebrity meat, feckless Rap, and more
22 Mar 2000	Filler 03.22.00 Dies Irae!
21 Mar 2000	Use and Abuse Usability is in the eye of the beholder
20 Mar 2000	The Jawbone of a Scare Quote You call it corn, we call it 'maize'
17 Mar 2000	Code This Book Suck's writing engine rocks the bestseller list
16 Mar 2000	Hit & Run CCXIX Jet setter falls, Dole shills, vendors get Ralled, and the pope gets rolled
15 Mar 2000	Filler 03.15.00 Dearly E-Loved!
14 Mar 2000	Feel-Bad TV David Letterman's late-night psychodrama goes on
13 Mar 2000	Oxygen Tent Sisters are doin' it for themselves
10 Mar 2000	RU4ME or 8GNSTME? Pounding license plates
9 Mar 2000	Hit & Run CCXVIII Elephant poop, libertarian scoop, Southerners duped, and the Meathead's endless loop
8 Mar 2000	Filler 03.08.00 Who Wants To Marry A Self-Involved Tyrant?
7 Mar 2000	Lemon Squeezers Today's top self-promoters find the silver lining
6 Mar 2000	Don't Tell, Don't Tell "Army had no shorta g e o f..."
3 Mar 2000	Bush Bounces Back Suck's bail-out of George W.'s hapless campaign
2 Mar 2000	Hit & Run CCXVII "Grapevin e , C B S ' s..."
1 Mar 2000	Filler 03.01.00 Even More Couples To Avoid!
	Feb 2000
29 Feb 2000	A Tale of Two Cities The Way-New Urbanism isn't just for SAPs anymore!
28 Feb 2000	White Men in Hammerstein Ballroom Disinfo.con honors 4-F veterans of the culture wars
25 Feb 2000	70,000 Sucksters Can't Be Wrong Suck sets out to make the world a better place for television
24 Feb 2000	Hit & Run CCXVI "Republican primary in which m o s t..."
23 Feb 2000	Filler 02.23.00 Even More Women To Avoid!
22 Feb 2000	Deadside Manner Dr. Swango awaits cult status
21 Feb 2000	New to You! Better living through reruns
18 Feb 2000	So Where Are the Little Girl's Underpants? Suck's foreign correspondent writes home from the City of Lights
17 Feb 2000	Hit & Run CCXV Spoof artist talks, Windows 2000 balks, Web lovebird walks
16 Feb 2000	Filler 02.16.00 Even More Men To Avoid!
15 Feb 2000	IP, Freely A chilling vision of the Web's nightmarish future
14 Feb 2000	There's No 'X' in Team! Vince McMahon's pigskin follies
11 Feb 2000	Valentine's Day Massacre Express your mixed feelings the electronic way!
10 Feb 2000	Hit & Run CCXIV Rants, raves, and 'funny' headlines
9 Feb 2000	Filler 02.09.00 Seemingly Endless Love!
8 Feb 2000	Revolting The taxing logic of fiscal revolution
7 Feb 2000	Addled Brains Renata Adler's fossilized fuel
4 Feb 2000	A Letter from the Editorial Director Let the common people Suck
3 Feb 2000	Hit & Run CCXIII Toilet reading goes down the drain, Superbowl goes kerblooey, and more
2 Feb 2000	Filler 02.02.00 Squander.com!
1 Feb 2000	Addled Brains Renata Adler's fossilized fuel
	Jan 2000
31 Jan 2000	Blowing Smoke With all this medium, where is the message?
28 Jan 2000	Man on the Floor A Suck Insider Special Report
27 Jan 2000	Hit & Run CCXII Cat juggling, Barbra boxing, death defying, and more
26 Jan 2000	Filler 01.26.00 Frictionary!
25 Jan 2000	Stultimatum Claiming credit for the Big Nothing
24 Jan 2000	Out of Luck A tale of two gay business plans
21 Jan 2000	Faux Film Festival These knockoff are knockouts!
20 Jan 2000	Hit & Run CCXI Artificial life forms, past-their-prime musical geniuses, and Garth Brooks
19 Jan 2000	Filler 01.19.00 So You Can Jest Medicine!
18 Jan 2000	From the Mouths of Babes "Unlike the rest of the maj o r..."
17 Jan 2000	Messenger Service Honor among thieves in a brave new world
14 Jan 2000	Vending Machine Shakedown Coin-ops for the New Economy
13 Jan 2000	Hit & Run CCX "Jerry Levin wound up on to p ,..."
12 Jan 2000	Filler 01.12.00 Newsflash: You Are Irrelevant!
11 Jan 2000	The Rabbit in Winter Hef comes back with a bang
10 Jan 2000	Valerie Harper's Index TV's Rhoda: Just the facts
7 Jan 2000	Infomercial 'Oscars!' The Glitz! The Glamour! The $19.95 Gizmos!
6 Jan 2000	Hit & Run CCIX Kenny's G spot, France falling, and hate mail we like
5 Jan 2000	Filler 01.05.00 Deadline Can Dance!
4 Jan 2000	Live and Let Die Michael Apted's answer to the question of life: 42
3 Jan 2000	Shill Life A brief history of cross-promotion