DAILY ESSAYS 2000
 
  Dec 2000
 

29 Dec 2000


Remembering 2000
Suck's wayback machine shows us a more innocent time

28 Dec 2000


They Saved Cheney's Heart
A Fantastic Voyage into America's future!

27 Dec 2000


Filler 12.27.00
Sing Those Post-Holiday Blues!

26 Dec 2000


Dot-Condolences
Heartfelt sympathy for a flatlining industry

25 Dec 2000


Xmas Marks the Spot
Suck's Christmases past come back to haunt you

22 Dec 2000


Power Vacuum
With the election over, an anxious nation asks, Now what will we

21 Dec 2000


Hit & Run 12.21.00
The bad news, the worse news, and the ugly news

20 Dec 2000


Filler 12.20.00
How The Yinch Stole Christmas!

19 Dec 2000


How Many Years Is That In Dogma Years?
Five years of Dogme 95 is enough

18 Dec 2000


Marley's Boast
Putting X back in Xmas

15 Dec 2000


Awesome Disclosures
Behind the glimmering facade of City Confidential

14 Dec 2000


Hit & Run 12.14.00
Unpardonable offenses, reeking rumors and the Sucksters' clean keesters

13 Dec 2000


Filler 12.13.00
It's That Time Again! Time To Trudge Through the Mall, Moaning!

12 Dec 2000


The Ballot or the Box Office
A pitch guaranteed to keep voters away in droves

11 Dec 2000


Blame Steven
Hollywood has blood on its hands!

8 Dec 2000


The Catcher in the Wheat
Once an eagle, always an eagle

7 Dec 2000


Hit & Run 12.7.00
New Yorker duped again, talking heads keep coming, and more

6 Dec 2000


Filler 12.6.00
Idealists, Hold Onto Your Hemp Hats!

5 Dec 2000


White Men Can't Joke
Comedy: Is it good for the Jews?

4 Dec 2000


Toothless
Carnivore's indigestion problem

1 Dec 2000


Unshakeable
The long, fruitful death of comic books

 
  Nov 2000
 

30 Nov 2000


Hit & Run 11.30.00
Candidates fly the coup, boy geniuses look for love, domains get down, Denby dumbs up, and more

29 Nov 2000


Filler 11.29.00
There You Are. Talking Like It's the End of the World.

28 Nov 2000


Long Live Rock
The classics refuse to die

27 Nov 2000


Geekquake, or, I Hear America Whining
Usenet: The end is only the beginning

23 Nov 2000


Turkey Day Tidings
Thanksgiving E-cards you wouldn't send to your worst enemies

22 Nov 2000


Filler 11.22.00
Spam Is Good Food!

21 Nov 2000


Chad and Jeremiad
Gush, Bore and your own two eyes: Don't believe any of them

20 Nov 2000


The Family Business is Business
Find the second generation role model that's right for you!

17 Nov 2000


There She Is: The Most Resented Woman In America
Peter Bagge defends the honor of our most maligned institution

16 Nov 2000


Hit & Run 11.16.00
Saturday Night Undead, It's Pat!, Vanity of vanities, and more

15 Nov 2000


Filler 11.15.00
Is Polly Actually a Man?

14 Nov 2000


Almost Ramis
A generation comes home

13 Nov 2000


Ballot Designs Rejected by the Palm Beach County Election Committee
Vote early and often!

10 Nov 2000


American Revolution 2000
Disgruntled patriots vote with their fists

9 Nov 2000


Hit & Run 11.9.00
George W. Booze, rich Senators, and dead Senators

8 Nov 2000


Filler 11.8.00
Which Creep Won?

7 Nov 2000


I Am Third
The direct threat to our arsenal of democracy

6 Nov 2000


The Desperate Hours
Last-minute endorsements from B-list celebrities

3 Nov 2000


The Basket Case
The short, happy life of the Longaberger empire

2 Nov 2000


Hit & Run 11.2.00
The poop on PS2, animal rights, Joe's dong, and more

1 Nov 2000


Filler 11.1.00
The Truth Shall Make You Flee!

 
  Oct 2000
 

31 Oct 2000


This Magick Moment
Saying Boo to Aleister Crowley

30 Oct 2000


Them Against Fire
Who you calling a chicken?

27 Oct 2000


Final End III
The Third Final End

26 Oct 2000


Hit & Run 10.26.00
Real-life Ghostbusters, Porn on AOL, Lackeys DOA, and more

25 Oct 2000


Filler 10.25.00
Stands with a fist full of cash!

24 Oct 2000


The Pretender
Still pimping the President after all these years

23 Oct 2000


Public Service Announcement 2000
Eminem's Gate

20 Oct 2000


The Outsiders
Made guys come in from the cold

19 Oct 2000


Hit & Run 10.19.00
USS Cole bombing solved, Big Apple bombed,

18 Oct 2000


Filler 10.18.00
Old Age Is Like a Circus, With Heart-Stopping Thrills & Hot, Salty Nuts!

17 Oct 2000


Who's Buried in Joseph's Tomb?
Play by play in the latest battle of the Semites

16 Oct 2000


They Make Your Feet Feel Fine
Boneheads in Paradise

13 Oct 2000


Standing Oration
A last word on farewell concerts

12 Oct 2000


Hit & Run 10.12.00
Going off-Linux, new Insights, and more

11 Oct 2000


Filler 10.11.00
Waltzing Matilda!

10 Oct 2000


But Is It Cow?
Art of the bovine ilk

9 Oct 2000


Equal Pay for Equal Work
Women are more than just gloupies!

6 Oct 2000


The Whys of Tammy Faye
The Age of Innocents

5 Oct 2000


Hit & Run 10.5.00
Going off-Linux, new Insights, and more

4 Oct 2000


Filler 10.4.00
Laff Olympics!

3 Oct 2000


Rock 'n' Roll Middle School
How Rock Criticism Became White

2 Oct 2000


George Washington Lost Here
The virtue of Necessity

 
  Sep 2000
 

29 Sep 2000


The Suck School of Comic Art: Graduate Course
How to draw even funnier

28 Sep 2000


Hit & Run 9.28.00
Cops on the DL, TiVo in the house, the Times on the lookout, and more

27 Sep 2000


Filler 09.27.00
The Most Unanswerable Question You've Answered A Million Times!

26 Sep 2000


The Importance of Being Average
Go-o-o-o Eagles!

25 Sep 2000


Caddyshack Culture
The green cradle of contemporary America.

22 Sep 2000


Blah Blah Blah
Reflections on the 2000 Democratic National Convention, by P. Bagge

21 Sep 2000


Hit and Run 09.21.00
Saddam speaks, Hollywood's finest go into exile, critics criticize, and eBay says YES! to Suck.

20 Sep 2000


Filler 09.20.00
I'm a Joker, I'm a Smoker, I'm a Provoker!

19 Sep 2000


All About the Benjamins
Projecting the Arcades

18 Sep 2000


Summer of Samaranch
Goose-stepping into the Millennium Games

15 Sep 2000


Egos a Go-go
Peter Bagge explores the Reform Party

14 Sep 2000


Hit & Run 9.14.00
"In the beginning was the word, and the..."

13 Sep 2000


Filler 09.13.00
Motorcycling Leads to Recycling!

12 Sep 2000


The Colossus of Ceylon, Minnesota
The hidden genius of a man called Walt

11 Sep 2000


Team-agers
Hollywood pulls together for a rebuilding season

8 Sep 2000


Downtime by Law
It's the lawyers' world; we just live in it

7 Sep 2000


Hit & Run 9.7.00
The Single-Daughter Theory: A Suck special report

6 Sep 2000


Filler 09.06.00
Analyze This, Jerkball!

5 Sep 2000


Kiss My Grits
Chewing on the most important meal of the day

1 Sep 2000


Chickenhawk Down
Dick Cheney is a pussy

 
  Aug 2000
 

31 Aug 2000


Hit & Run 8.31.00
"For a medium jointly ruled by one-click shopping..."

30 Aug 2000


Filler 08.30.00
How Crazy Are You?

29 Aug 2000


Time Out!
Two a day, the American way

28 Aug 2000


Suck's Wooden Anniversary
Some inflated statistics about our first five-year plan

25 Aug 2000


I (Heart) The Blob!
Peter Bagge closes the book on the EMP

24 Aug 2000


Hit & Run CCXLI
Back that Thang Up! Al Gore III Busted, The Season's Hottest Baby Names and/or Magazine Titles, and More!

23 Aug 2000


Filler 08.23.00
The Finks You Do For Love!

22 Aug 2000


Maximum Bob
The man from Hope

21 Aug 2000


I've Been a Shriner for a Heart of Gold
Under the Fez: a special report

18 Aug 2000


The American Century 2.0
Dreams deferred

17 Aug 2000


Hit & Run CCXL
X-Games! From Down Syndrome to Street Luge in 20 seconds

16 Aug 2000


Filler 08.16.00
Go For Credit In The Third World!

15 Aug 2000


Whee! The People
You can't live on amusement

14 Aug 2000


Muggling Through
The Bloom is off the rose, and why

11 Aug 2000


The Code War
Software by other means...

10 Aug 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXIX
Return of the Vacuum Tube: Suck Breaks One-Week Silence on RNC, Macaulay Culkin, and More!

9 Aug 2000


Filler 08.09.00
Catch An Exboyfriend By The Toe!

8 Aug 2000


The JAGged Edge
Network TV says 'Anchors Aweigh!'

7 Aug 2000


The American In Me
A lone Yankee adjective brings back the pride

4 Aug 2000


Metaphoria
History, atrocity and superheroes

3 Aug 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXVIII
Petulant prolixity, good dogs, illegal downloads, revisited riots, and more

2 Aug 2000


Filler 08.02.00
Happiness, Where Are You?

1 Aug 2000


Reality Bites
Who's really to blame for reality TV?

 
  Jul 2000
 

31 Jul 2000


Before the Body's Cold
The long, unhappy life of Mozilla

28 Jul 2000


Puff Justice
The Trial of the Century (Remix Version)

27 Jul 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXVII
"Martin Lawrence spent part of last summer in..."

26 Jul 2000


Filler 07.26.00
Question Those Who Tell You To Question Authority!

25 Jul 2000


Lipstick Traces
Two views of Bill Clinton

24 Jul 2000


All the Summer's A Stage
First, let's kill all the actors

21 Jul 2000


Indy 2000! Part 2
Peter Bagge puts the pedal to the metal in Hoosierville

20 Jul 2000


Indy 2000!

19 Jul 2000


Filler 07.19.00
Date My Friend Steve Already!

18 Jul 2000


The Hardship of Accounting
Bounced checks and balances

17 Jul 2000


Don't razz the Prez
Based on a True Story

14 Jul 2000


Abridge Too Far
The art of capsule writing

13 Jul 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXVI
Immortality postponed, Founding Fathers dissed, real estate follies, and more

12 Jul 2000


Filler 07.12.00
Had Any Good Ideas Lately?

11 Jul 2000


Prank and File
Napsterites forge new works of art

10 Jul 2000


Kleptology
Napster rides the rap; eBay launders the bucks

7 Jul 2000


Steve Case, Superstar
The making of a mogul

6 Jul 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXV
Walter's mission, Williams's d'Ascoynes, Gates's gate, and more

5 Jul 2000


Filler 07.05.00
The Lemming Condition!

4 Jul 2000


A Peace of Picasso for Everyone
No pointillism, no peace

3 Jul 2000


The Third of July
Sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations

 
  Jun 2000
 

30 Jun 2000


Pass the Mustard, Please, Sister Sunshine Daisy-Hat
An American Family under the rainbow

29 Jun 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXIV
Naughton on crime, street people on the genome, Suck on football, and more

28 Jun 2000


Filler 06.28.00
Time For More Frictionary!

27 Jun 2000


News Hole
Laugh your hands off with suckup D.C. reporters

26 Jun 2000


Loaf vs. Boss
The continuing story of an American Giant

23 Jun 2000


Steve Case, Superstar
The making of a mogul

22 Jun 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXIII
Extreme video, Suck chickens out, and big body counts

21 Jun 2000


Filler 06.21.00
Stranded On An Island?

20 Jun 2000


Bring Out Yer Dead
The decline of the thug obituary

19 Jun 2000


Java Been
The decaffeinated return of the cross-platform miracle

16 Jun 2000


Golf War Syndrome
America's weakest links

15 Jun 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXII
Airlinez in Orbit, DNA dealerships, Super Mario Warriors, and more

14 Jun 2000


Filler 06.14.00
We Were Born, Born In The '70s!

13 Jun 2000


The Friends of Eddie Murphy
A Film Giant smiles on his saplings

12 Jun 2000


Farewell My Lovely
The soft-boiled story of APB News

9 Jun 2000


Puff Justice
The Trial of the Century (Remix Version)

8 Jun 2000


Hit & Run CCXXXI
Amazon's Ms. Big speaks to Suck, Elvis's cook enters into Heaven, Dungeonmasters go open kimono, and more

7 Jun 2000


Filler 06.07.00
Chemistry 101: How To Get That Manic Panic You Love!

6 Jun 2000


Last Man Standing
The tragic fall of stand-up comedy

5 Jun 2000


Cancer schmancer, as long as you've got your health
Insuring against the sickness unto death

2 Jun 2000


Game Theory
Suck surveys indy board games

1 Jun 2000


Hit & Run CCXXX
We're ready for our closeups

 
  May 2000
 

31 May 2000


Filler 05.31.00
Ding-Dong, Freud Was Wrong!

30 May 2000


Crem Brulée
Matthew Barney penilizes the art world

29 May 2000


Memorial Day Blowout
Veteran content from Suck

26 May 2000


Friendship!
The Complete and Unabridged Illustrated Encyclopedia of Friendship

25 May 2000


Hit & Run CCXXIX
Mugs, thugs and plugs

24 May 2000


Filler 05.24.00
Kids Today Are Pissed Off!

23 May 2000


Stealth Food
We put the 'error' in Terror Bombing!

22 May 2000


The Rape of the Log
Charles Darwin and the old in-out

19 May 2000


Terry Colon's European Vacation
Suck's continental man steps out from behind the easel

18 May 2000


Hit & Run CCXXVIII
Papal bull, gun-toting moms, evil coaches, stupid fact checkers, and more!

17 May 2000


Filler 05.17.00
Grouching Towards Bethlehem!

16 May 2000


Pirate Flags
Intellectual property in the land of neither

15 May 2000


Fatherhood: The New Motherhood
Dad gets in touch with his outer child

12 May 2000


On Wall Street: Casual Do's, Casual Don't's
Heard on the street this spring? Throw out that suit without looking like a blue-collar slob!

11 May 2000


Hit & Run CCXXVII
Black chicks do Hollywood, the UN does nothing, our Love Bug report, and a South-of-the-Border greeting

10 May 2000


Filler 05.10.00
The Insufferable Mr. Snipley!

9 May 2000


Colombia House
Several drug warriors in search of a shooting war

8 May 2000


Dead Spots
Advertisers say the Grim Reaper is dead sexy!

5 May 2000


The Second Coming of Alan Keyes
Peter Bagge follows the quixotic Presidential campaign of America's would-be moral savior!

4 May 2000


Hit & Run CCXXVI
Jesus lives, Hercules dies, hacktors strike, and more

3 May 2000


Filler 05.03.00
Happy Fillerversary!

2 May 2000


Decline and Fall
"Semper ubi sub ubi scrawled onto a desk..."

1 May 2000


Generation Hex
Slackers finally get what they deserve

 
  Apr 2000
 

28 Apr 2000


Super Sounds of the Seventies
Sucking in that low, dishonest decade with right wing funsters!

27 Apr 2000


Hit & Run CCXXV
Travolta signs on the dotted line, Lars Ulrich gets paid, Lucianne Goldberg wipes Suck.com off her shoe

26 Apr 2000


Filler 04.26.00
Investors Flee!

25 Apr 2000


Kids Are People Too
Critics pan Elián

24 Apr 2000


Where Is Thy Sting?
Resurrecting the Easter pageant

21 Apr 2000


Beautiful People Bailout
Entertainment industry salvation or celebrity welfare? You decide

20 Apr 2000


Hit & Run CCXXIV
Burst bubbles, movie news, web studs, and crazy Iranians

19 Apr 2000


Filler 04.19.00
Karma Chameleon!

18 Apr 2000


She Will Always Love Us
A little respect for a sister, please!

17 Apr 2000


It's the Economy, Stupid!
Massacre and one-downmanship in Uganda

14 Apr 2000


Obytuaries
Lukewarm sendoffs for the dearly beliked

13 Apr 2000


Hit & Run CCXXIII
"Alexander Pay n e , t h e..."

12 Apr 2000


Filler 04.12.00
Tax Time!

11 Apr 2000


Call Western Union
The triumphant return of the Message Movie

10 Apr 2000


Skin Cancer
Cosmetic surgery for your digits

7 Apr 2000


Telling Baby "No"
A Suck corporate instructional video

6 Apr 2000


Hit & Run CCXXII
Near death, near comedy, and near misses

5 Apr 2000


Filler 04.05.00
Growing Pains!

4 Apr 2000


Intention Deficit Disorder
Those damn kids just won't get hooked on drugs

3 Apr 2000


Stupid Grandson Theory
What have the Kennedys done for us lately?

 
  Mar 2000
 

31 Mar 2000


The Hinckle File
A one-eyed man in the kingdom of way-old journalism

30 Mar 2000


Hit & Run CCXXI
Ass jokes, dick jokes, and Uranus

29 Mar 2000


Filler 03.29.00
Bad Head!

28 Mar 2000


Corrections for the Rest of Us
Make your feelings clear the Suck way

27 Mar 2000


Rough Trade
R U N2 B2B?

24 Mar 2000


Project Zapster
The sleeping giant wakes up and hits the warpath

23 Mar 2000


Hit & Run CCXX
Celebrity meat, feckless Rap, and more

22 Mar 2000


Filler 03.22.00
Dies Irae!

21 Mar 2000


Use and Abuse
Usability is in the eye of the beholder

20 Mar 2000


The Jawbone of a Scare Quote
You call it corn, we call it 'maize'

17 Mar 2000


Code This Book
Suck's writing engine rocks the bestseller list

16 Mar 2000


Hit & Run CCXIX
Jet setter falls, Dole shills, vendors get Ralled, and the pope gets rolled

15 Mar 2000


Filler 03.15.00
Dearly E-Loved!

14 Mar 2000


Feel-Bad TV
David Letterman's late-night psychodrama goes on

13 Mar 2000


Oxygen Tent
Sisters are doin' it for themselves

10 Mar 2000


RU4ME or 8GNSTME?
Pounding license plates

9 Mar 2000


Hit & Run CCXVIII
Elephant poop, libertarian scoop, Southerners duped, and the Meathead's endless loop

8 Mar 2000


Filler 03.08.00
Who Wants To Marry A Self-Involved Tyrant?

7 Mar 2000


Lemon Squeezers
Today's top self-promoters find the silver lining

6 Mar 2000


Don't Tell, Don't Tell
"Army had no shorta g e o f..."

3 Mar 2000


Bush Bounces Back
Suck's bail-out of George W.'s hapless campaign

2 Mar 2000


Hit & Run CCXVII
"Grapevin e , C B S ' s..."

1 Mar 2000


Filler 03.01.00
Even More Couples To Avoid!

 
  Feb 2000
 

29 Feb 2000


A Tale of Two Cities
The Way-New Urbanism isn't just for SAPs anymore!

28 Feb 2000


White Men in Hammerstein Ballroom
Disinfo.con honors 4-F veterans of the culture wars

25 Feb 2000


70,000 Sucksters Can't Be Wrong
Suck sets out to make the world a better place for television

24 Feb 2000


Hit & Run CCXVI
"Republican primary in which m o s t..."

23 Feb 2000


Filler 02.23.00
Even More Women To Avoid!

22 Feb 2000


Deadside Manner
Dr. Swango awaits cult status

21 Feb 2000


New to You!
Better living through reruns

18 Feb 2000


So Where Are the Little Girl's Underpants?
Suck's foreign correspondent writes home from the City of Lights

17 Feb 2000


Hit & Run CCXV
Spoof artist talks, Windows 2000 balks, Web lovebird walks

16 Feb 2000


Filler 02.16.00
Even More Men To Avoid!

15 Feb 2000


IP, Freely
A chilling vision of the Web's nightmarish future

14 Feb 2000


There's No 'X' in Team!
Vince McMahon's pigskin follies

11 Feb 2000


Valentine's Day Massacre
Express your mixed feelings the electronic way!

10 Feb 2000


Hit & Run CCXIV
Rants, raves, and 'funny' headlines

9 Feb 2000


Filler 02.09.00
Seemingly Endless Love!

8 Feb 2000


Revolting
The taxing logic of fiscal revolution

7 Feb 2000


Addled Brains
Renata Adler's fossilized fuel

4 Feb 2000


A Letter from the Editorial Director
Let the common people Suck

3 Feb 2000


Hit & Run CCXIII
Toilet reading goes down the drain, Superbowl goes kerblooey, and more

2 Feb 2000


Filler 02.02.00
Squander.com!

1 Feb 2000


Addled Brains
Renata Adler's fossilized fuel

 
  Jan 2000
 

31 Jan 2000


Blowing Smoke
With all this medium, where is the message?

28 Jan 2000


Man on the Floor
A Suck Insider Special Report

27 Jan 2000


Hit & Run CCXII
Cat juggling, Barbra boxing, death defying, and more

26 Jan 2000


Filler 01.26.00
Frictionary!

25 Jan 2000


Stultimatum
Claiming credit for the Big Nothing

24 Jan 2000


Out of Luck
A tale of two gay business plans

21 Jan 2000


Faux Film Festival
These knockoff are knockouts!

20 Jan 2000


Hit & Run CCXI
Artificial life forms, past-their-prime musical geniuses, and Garth Brooks

19 Jan 2000


Filler 01.19.00
So You Can Jest Medicine!

18 Jan 2000


From the Mouths of Babes
"Unlike the rest of the maj o r..."

17 Jan 2000


Messenger Service
Honor among thieves in a brave new world

14 Jan 2000


Vending Machine Shakedown
Coin-ops for the New Economy

13 Jan 2000


Hit & Run CCX
"Jerry Levin wound up on to p ,..."

12 Jan 2000


Filler 01.12.00
Newsflash: You Are Irrelevant!

11 Jan 2000


The Rabbit in Winter
Hef comes back with a bang

10 Jan 2000


Valerie Harper's Index
TV's Rhoda: Just the facts

7 Jan 2000


Infomercial 'Oscars!'
The Glitz! The Glamour! The $19.95 Gizmos!

6 Jan 2000


Hit & Run CCIX
Kenny's G spot, France falling, and hate mail we like

5 Jan 2000


Filler 01.05.00
Deadline Can Dance!

4 Jan 2000


Live and Let Die
Michael Apted's answer to the question of life: 42

3 Jan 2000


Shill Life
A brief history of cross-promotion